Harriet The Spy - Book Review

Megan and I took nearly two weeks to read through Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh.

Harriet the Spy is the story of a girl named Harriet.  Harriet believes she is a spy.  She observes others and writes everything she sees and what she thinks about what she sees in her notebook.  She is compulsive about writing down everything, including negative things about friends and family.  We watch as Harriet goes through losing her nanny, deals with her parents that aren't around much, and goes to a private school with only a few students.  When Harriet loses track of her notebook and it ends up in the wrong hands, her life is changed in a very tough way.

This book is a classic for very certain reasons.  Harriet is a very intelligent girl with not so nice opinions at times.  But what child has good opinions all the time?  However, Megan and I had a lot of conversations about why Harriet wasn't a great role model.  She liked to throw fits.  At one point in the story she uses bad language to her parents.  And the spying thing... there is a different between being observant and invading the privacy of others.


However, we learned many lessons from Harriet.  It seemed that the children that took her notebook had no consequences for stealing and being hateful.  Yes, Harriet wrote some mean things, but they were her private thoughts.  I guess since Harriet didn't respect the privacy of others, the lesson is that her privacy shouldn't have been respected in return.  That isn't a lesson I want my daughter to internalize.  Diaries, journals, these contain private thoughts that no one should invade casually.  The children were hurt by what Harriet wrote, but they had no business reading something that didn't belong to them.  Harriet wasn't spying on the kids before they took her notebook as much as she was just observing them when they were around her.  She was invading the privacy of others, even to the point of breaking into a house, but the ended up with consequences at times. The kids that stole her notebook never faced any consequences except the ones Harriet doled out in revenge.

Harriet writes down her feelings as a way to verbalize them, to get them out, instead of letting them fester inside her.  When she is forbidden to use her notebook, the anger and bitterness inside of her that had been building came out in ways that most today would deem violent.  She also basically was dealing with severe depression.  However, her family finally sees that she is a special, intelligent girl with a gift for writing, and step in to help her.

Megan enjoyed Harriet, because they both share a love for writing.  Megan's favorite treat is to be given a composition book in which to write stories and draw pictures.  I think she related to Harriet a bit, though she was shocked at Harriet's behavior and the mean things the main character wrote in her notebook.

Harriet the Spy is a book that I hesitated to read to Megan because it is a bit angry and negative.  It shows parents that aren't really there for their daughter.  It shows a class division that I don't think many kids catch... but Megan did.  She caught that the family had a cook and a nanny and the parents were gone a lot.  She caught that there was only a few children in the class, and this was observed by a child that is homeschooled!  I wasn't sure Megan was ready for Harriet, but decided to read it anyway.

I think it did Megan some good to see that other people like to write and read and express themselves in that way.  Harriet could be quite humorous, such as when she was attempting to portray an onion.    Overall, I am glad we read Harriet the Spy together, where I could help explain and discuss some of the touchier topics.  I also edited the cursing at the parents scene where she was yelling at her parents. Censorship?  Well, I'm the mom and can make that decision.

There is a second Harriet book.  Our library has it.  I think it will stay there for awhile until Megan is more mature, if at all.  While I don't mind books that are more secular, I worry that Harriet crossed the line from what I think is soul-nurturing.  She wasn't exactly a positive roll model, even with her intelligence and talent.  In fact, she was mostly mean and gossipy.  I think we'll look at other characters to delve into for our reading.

A Special Plan

We have just completed our fourth week into our homeschool year.  So far this is the smoothest year we have ever had.  I don't feel the urge to change anything.  I'm watching my daughters complete their work every day.  We are relaxed, with only minor obstacles.

Occasionally my youngest girl lets her age and maybe her ADD get her distracted.  I tend to have to remind her to focus.  We also have to spend a couple weeks reviewing some math, remembering and practicing some skills that weren't used over the summer.  But... Unlike when I began homeschooling, this no longer worries me or sends me into a panic. 

Over the years I have learned something that I probably heard and read repeatedly when I began this journey, but I didn't truly understood.  Homeschooling doesn't happen in a vacuum. 

What does that mean? It means that all of life is learning, not just the book work that happens during "school time."  Homeschooling may be partly about teaching children to read and write and know science and history, but a true education teaches children to think.  It teaches them to see the world through a different lens than just their own.  For me, as a Christian, homeschooling is discipleship.  I want them to see through the lens of Christ and eternity, and see themselves as God created them.

I was surprised when I was reviewing my youngest' science curriculum.  Mingled in with lessons on Salmon were lessons and reminders about how God works and how He desires His children to think.  Whether it is a reminder that God has a special plan, or a bigger explanation that helps train a child how to think in a Godly, positive way, I was pleased that there was more than just dry facts about fish. 

It is easy to be negative in this world.  Reading this as a child is so encouraging, and not what a child is normally taught in school.  I want my daughter to feel she is valuable.  What could be more affirming than reading that God has a special plan for her life? Even more, if she reads stuff like this throughout her school days, year after year, won't it be easier for her to feel close to the Lord and confident in Him? Won't casting down wrong thoughts be easier if she has had lots of practice thinking correct ones?

There are a lot of negative, judgmental people out there in the world.  Being a Christian is becoming more and more difficult in a world getting more and more hostile toward us.  What will my daughter be told about Christians by the world?  

I think what she has been told by her parents will matter.  I also think what she has read about herself will stay with her.  When she reads that God has a special plan for her, I believe she will believe that.

When her world feels hard and dark, she can know deep inside that He is still with her. 

Over the years I have read numerous Christian books designed to teach adult Christians how to think in a way that is life-giving and affirming. Some of these books are self-help books without much Biblical basis.  However, many are grounded in Scripture and encourage Christians to think in a way the Lord knows is beneficial. 

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Philippians 4:8 NLT

I want my children to be excellent students.  I want them to do well.  However, more than knowledge, I want them to learn to think in the right way.  I want them to know who they are in Christ. I want them to their worth.  I want them to know Him. 

Training in Mind Renewal

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Last week I added a book to my kids' Bible time that I had read a couple of years ago.  I knew I needed it for me again and had been planning to jump in with both feet after the New Year. I decided to make this book a twelve week study with my daughters in the hope that my daughters would not follow in my often pessimistic footsteps and learn to follow Scripture by controlling their own thoughts. The book is titled Power Thoughts.  

I know my mind isn't right and hasn't been for a long time.  For too long I had been lazy about my thought life.  I had quit fighting the Battle of the Mind in a purposeful way.  When the mind isn't renewed, it is easy prey for Satan. I had let my mind become his garbage dump.  I was negative, angry, easily upset and offended, and miserable.  The Battle in the mind can't be fought with a half-hearted, casual effort.  It's a battle that requires an "all-in", take no prisoners mentality.

I posted about the Lord working with me about having a positive attitude.  Positive attitudes don't just happen.  Renewing my mind takes work.  Breaking destructive, negative thought patterns takes work.  I was finally in a place where I realized that I didn't want to spend my life upset, angry, and miserable all the time.  I want peace and joy, the kind that only the Lord can provide. 

We are on Power Thought #3 in our homeschool.  Even Megan, my seven year old is listening in and memorizing the Power Thoughts.  It's kind of neat how God has put this in and had it click with our Old Testament study.  We are beginning to have discussions on controlling out thoughts, and how those thoughts impact our emotions, our actions, and out enjoyment of life.

I pray my daughters are absorbing the lessons and making these thoughts their own. I told them that the choice is ultimately theirs on what they choose to meditate on in their thought lives.  I can only teach them the information, pray they utilize it, and model it for them.

A Page of My Notes

I do my best to not just read Power Thoughts but to put into practice the concepts.  I am searching every Scripture reference, taking massive notes, praying, and studying it with my daughters.  We are going through one Power Thought a week.  I am spending hours working on this, training my brain to think differently.  It has come down to me deciding that I don't want to spend my life unhappy, sorrowful, depressed, and feeling like a victim of all the bad things that have happened to me.  It is so easy to just continue down that path.  However, the pain of staying there is intense.

I know the negative patterns in my family.  If I can break the cycle of negativity, anger, bitterness, and complaining, my family will be blessed by it.  If I can teach my children that they don't have to be that negative, angry person that has been so modeled in our lives, then maybe they will not waste their lives living in defeat and self-pity. 

There is a choice before me.  It is the same choice before all Christians.  Will I choose to dwell on the thoughts that hurt me: the hurts, the offenses, the things that anger me?  Will I spend my life upset about a past that is done, people I can't change, situations that are out of my hands?  Or maybe, will I choose to be happy, to find the good things, to see the positive?

I have one life. 

I'm not saying that the struggles in life that people have aren't real, or that we can just think good things and everything will be miraculously be better.  That is a bit simplistic and VERY humanistic.  There are very real struggles in life.  There is real grief and real loss and real abuse and real sickness in this world.  To deny them is not dealing with them, and that makes things worse.  

What I am saying is that making the best of life is important.  GOD is POWERFUL! I have spent a lot of time praying and realizing that it is ridiculous to live life in such a way that He is shown to have no impact on His children.  Where is the Joy that is to be my strength?  Where is a life changed because of Christ?  What am I teaching my children about the Power of God in the lives of His people? 

It may seem odd, teaching a book written for adults, that most consider a "Self-Help" book, to my children in our homeschool.  However, if I teach my children that God loves them and then give them the tools on how to renew their minds and the Bible instructs, then I will have given them tools that are priceless and will be with them for the rest of their lives.  Learning to meditate on Scripture, to see the best in a situation, to find joy in life and in God, to speak life and not death, to trust in the Lord and not in the world... These are what adds life to years as well as years to life!

 

Focusing on ADHD

The ADHD research continues....

I've been reading and taking notes.  Today, when my husband came home from work, we were lucky enough to have some quiet, kid-free time.  I went over all the notes I have been taking as I learned more about helping my little seven year old firecracker. 

Changes are coming in how we do things.  I'm researching and praying every step of the way.  I'm discussing my findings with my husband since, as an adult with ADD, he knows what is malarkey and what is worth delving into. 

He's being very supportive.  He's been there... The figure kid with too much energy and trouble completing assignments.  He was treated as mentally inferior in school, and that is far from truth.  He doesn't want his children to be made to feel the same way.

One thing that jumped out at me in my research was a sentence in a blog post by a mom.  She noticed how negative and critical she was one morning while trying to get her child out the door to catch the school bus.  She then realized how harsh she sounded.  It dawned on her that children with ADHD often hear more negativity and criticism in a day than most "normal" children hear in a month. 

Is that the kind of mom I want to be?

I mentioned this point to my husband while we went through the notes.  He was impacted greatly.  He knows how that negativity can kill a child's self-worth.

Neither of us realized how our frustration at keeping Megan on task was coming out in such damaging ways. 

Over the years I have read a lot on the power of words.  While I think some have gone to crazy extremes, I have found much about speaking life to our children. Across denominational barriers, I read about how our words can simply destroy people. 

One man I know was told by his father as a child that he is worthless and would never amount to anything.  In school he tested in the genius level on an IQ test.  And yet, as a grown man, he struggles to survive.  He feels worthless and won't try.  Yes, as an adult, he's responsible for his decisions.  I just can't help but wonder the man he would have become if he'd been told he had value and worth. 

I've heard it said that you must praise a person ten times for every one time you tear them down. TEN TIMES!  The praise can't be fake, either, because that is so easily detected by the receiver. 

So I purpose to look for the positive, to praise character and hard work, to give spoken blessings, and to build up my children.  

This doesn't mean becoming permissive parents.  Correction and discipline are still vital.  Boundaries and consequences matter greatly, according to my research. 

Megan is a special, beautiful, intelligent, and very energetic child.  I don't want to ever feel like her worth is low because her parents did nothing but criticize and get frustrated and even yell.  ADHD is a struggle at times; but, it is also a gift.  God will use this for His Glory.

Developing Character

Slowly, I'm attempting to plan out our school year.  I've been praying and slowly, methodically, and carefully planning out our studies.  It's been challenging for me this year because our summer has been busy.

One of the areas that God has placed in my heart to delve into is character training.  In the past I have thought this to be something that would happen through our Bible time.  And, while I am certain that nothing can transform like the Bible, I've discovered that my children's brains sometimes need a little more directness. 

For example, of my three children still at home, two of them have ADD/ADHD.  I will do whatever I need to in order to avoid giving them medication. Being in a homeschool setting allows me to adjust things to work toward their benefit.  I can give them more breaks.  I can limit sugar and processed foods.  I can feed them a good breakfast.  I can mix up the schedule so they don't get bored. 

The thought of doing character studies occurred as I was struggling with my seven year old.  She has been having issues, such as not listening well, not being obedient, finding mischief.  Ironically, she isn't meaning to be rebellious or defiant.  Things like not sitting still when she needs to, wandering around during play practice, forgetting that she shouldn't socialize during worship.  

It occurred to me that traits like attentiveness, self-control, and patience could be worked on a little more intensely.  My seven year old is a smart little girl, with many talents and gifts, but she can also be a bit distracted and sometimes show poor impulse control. 

I've been around ADD enough to know that it can be a genuine gift.  I refuse to think that my children are statistics that must be labeled.  God created each child  unique, with individual strengths and weaknesses.  

My girls each have places where they excel and places where they struggle.  Developing good habits and Godly character will remain with them.  

In my research, I knew I couldn't afford to purchase some expensive curriculum.  Instead, I have been piecing together free stuff I am finding online with things I have around the house.  I discovered a set of readers I have bought used randomly through the years contains stories that focus on various character traits.  I've also discovered some Devotionals on my shelves that coordinate with character traits.  

There are some products I may look into buying eventually, but at the moment it isn't a priority.  I'll wait until I find a good price for them used or on sale. 

I'm hoping this study blends well and adds depth to our lives.  For I know my character could also use improvement.  Since I learn as much as my children in our studies, I look forward to seeing what The Lord wants me to learn. 

The Death of Customer Service

I wonder what has happened in our society where basic kindness is not only gone in the everyday, but is difficult to find in organizations that used to depend upon quality customer service to survive.

Maybe it was the big box stores invading nearly every community that caused an erosion of customer service.  The last time I was at one of those stores... and it seems I am at one often... I waited 30 minutes in line to check out with an actual cashier.  The self-check lines weren't any shorter.

Last week our satellite provider accidentally double-billed our bank account.  When my husband called the company, they said they would reimburse our account... in 3-5 business days!  When my husband explained that we don't keep a lot of money in our account, just enough to cover bills, and that our bank was 30 minutes away, and that in three to five business days, we would have overdraft fees... the customer service representative stated, "Sorry sir, but that is our policy."

My husband then called our bank.  For $30 we could put a stop-payment on one of the charges.  Other than that, they wouldn't help us, even though this wasn't our fault.

 So much for customer service.

I have a friend that worked customer service for years.  She states plainly that the way customers are treated in this day and age is horrible.  Loyalty is not rewarded.  The customer is not always right.  In fact, most of the time the customer is replaceable... by another customer.  If the price is right, the customer will come.  All that is needed is a hook... a great advertisement, a cheap rate that is only temporary (but not focused on), a "free" or "nearly-free" draw (like a cool phone at the beginning of a cell contract),

I worked customer service for years.  I realize that the customer is not always right.  However, the customer should always be treated with respect.  And, in a case where a mistake has been made, everything should be done to reconcile the problem.  That doesn't seem to happen anymore. 

So many companies offer amazing offers for new customers.  The satellite companies are prime examples.  The best deals are offered to new customers signing up for new contracts.  After a year, the price goes up.  However, after the contract expires, customers can't get the great rates.  Instead, they are charged more than the new customers.  I have friends that switch satellite providers every two years to get the reduced rates.  After two years, they switch back to the original company and are considered a new customer.  Ironically, one of the installation techs told me that most of the workers for these companies do the same thing. 

I get aggravated when companies end up treating loyal customers poorly.  I can tell you that I have a long memory.  When my contract is up, I won't renew with the satellite company that cost me money I didn't have.  I would rather have no satellite than to deal with a company that wouldn't fix their error.  The same goes for many of the conveniences most of us think we can't live without. 

If others felt that way, then I think we would be amazed at how businesses would treat customers.  This is not an economy where businesses can offer horrible service or substandard products, and believe that they will be successful.  Decisions have to be made when folks have limited resources.  In my family, after shelter, utilities, and transportation, the rest of our funds have to be carefully considered.  And though price is a large factor, I don't want to have our limited resources go to any company that will treat me poorly.  I would rather pay more for less, but get treated decently, honestly, and with respect.

There's a saying that says, "If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you."   While the saying deals with a character flaw in a boyfriend or husband, it applies. It's about character.  Many big companies are lacking in character. They have no qualms about it either.  Will they cheat you?  Absolutely. 

I had a cashier forget to give me cash back on a purchase.  I didn't catch it right away, but within minutes I realized her error.  I went to her and she told me I had to go to the customer service desk.  I went there and they told me that they would call me if the drawer was over at the end of the shift.  I explained politely that it was basically theft.  I wasn't expecting them to just take my word, but to count the drawer then.  After all, my card was charged the money.  There were plenty of other cashiers.  The customer service workers  refused.  I never received a phone call.  Whether the cashier was dishonest and the money taken, or the customer service reps just lazy at their job, I was out money I couldn't afford to lose.

I ordered pictures through a one-hour photo shop.  I was to receive a text when the pictures were finished.  I paid the one-hour rates.  At one-hour, no text arrived.  After two-hours, I called.  There was no answer.  The pictures were finally finished the following day.  I asked for a reduction in rates to the overnight charge.   I was refused. 

I'm begging all those business owners out there.... please bring back quality customer service.  Go back to rewarding loyal customers. Develop character.  In fact, be willing to stand up for what is right, even if it costs you money.  Because, in the end, honesty, hard-work, and respect go a LONG way!

Could You Pray This Prayer?

While reading aloud Elisabeth Elliot: Joyful Surrender to my daughters today, I came across a prayer that Elisabeth copied into her Bible.  She had copied it from a biography written about Betty and John Stam, missionaries to China that were killed in the Communist Revolution.  The story of the Stams inspired many to become missionaries, including Elisabeth Elliot. 

John and Betty Stam

Elisabeth Elliot had actually met Betty Stam and Betty's parents as a child, when Elisabeth's parents hosted the missionaries at their home.  Elisabeth was touched by the tragic death of Betty and her husband John and the story of their martyrdom.  She copied this prayer into her Bible when she was only a young girl:

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life.  I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine, forever.  Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.  Use me as Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

Can we say that same prayer?

Could we say it knowing that the future might be like the Stam's?  Could we say it knowing that we might have to endure what Elisabeth Elliot herself endured, the loss of her husband Jim Elliot to the Auca Indians of Ecuador?

Neither the Stams nor the young Elisabeth knew what God's plans were when they wrote those words.  And yet, I don't believe they would have changed that prayer or their devotion to serve Christ. 

Reading in our Homeschool

I was helping my daughter with a college paper today.  She is doing a paper on the topic of illiteracy in America.  She mentioned that she was looking for an interesting angle for the paper because she didn't want it to sound like all the other papers on illiteracy.  I mentioned to her some facts I remembered from reading in John Taylor Gatto's Underground History of American Education.  She was surprised at the statistics that shows a higher percentage of illiterate adults in America now than 70 years ago.


According to John Taylor Gatto’s book, The Underground History of American Education, “At the start of WWII millions of men showed up at registration offices to take low-level academic tests before being inducted.¹ The years of maximum mobilization were 1942 to1944; the fighting force had been mostly schooled in the 1930s, both those inducted and those turned away. Of the 18 million men were tested, 17,280,000 of them were judged to have the minimum competence in reading required to be a soldier, a 96 percent literacy rate. Although this was a 2 percent fall-off from the 98 percent rate among voluntary military applicants ten years earlier, the dip was so small it didn’t worry anybody.

WWII was over in 1945. Six years later another war began in Korea. Several million men were tested for military service but this time 600,000 were rejected. Literacy in the draft pool had dropped to 81 percent, even though all that was needed to classify a soldier as literate was fourth- grade reading proficiency. In the few short years from the beginning of WWII to Korea, a terrifying problem of adult illiteracy had appeared. The Korean War group received most of its schooling in the 1940s, and it had more years in school with more professionally trained personnel and more scientifically selected textbooks than the WWII men, yet it could not read, write, count, speak, or think as well as the earlier, less-schooled contingent.

A third American war began in the mid-1960s. By its end in 1973 the number of men found noninductible by reason of inability to read safety instructions, interpret road signs, decipher orders, and so on—in other words, the number found illiterate—had reached 27 percent of the total pool. Vietnam-era young men had been schooled in the 1950s and the 1960s—much better schooled than either of the two earlier groups—but the 4 percent illiteracy of 1941 which had transmuted into the 19 percent illiteracy of 1952 had now had grown into the 27 percent illiteracy of 1970. Not only had the fraction of competent readers dropped to 73 percent but a substantial chunk of even those were only barely adequate; they could not keep abreast of developments by reading a newspaper, they could not read for pleasure, they could not sustain a thought or an argument, they could not write well enough to manage their own affairs without assistance.”

What is the problem in America?  Reports of Americans not being able to compete academically with other countries are common.  I even watched a movie recently entitled Waiting for "Superman"  that discussed the poor academic performance in our country and some of the individuals and private or charter schools that desire to change things.  Sadly, things aren't changing in the public arena.  If a student struggles in school, alternative methods of education aren't sought.  The student is instead labeled, often drugged, and things don't improve.

In fact, things get worse.  The Washington Post reported last September that SAT scores are the lowest in four decades.  How low do we have to sink before we realize that what we are doing, even throwing money at the problem, isn't working?   Homeschooling Statistics show clear proof that there is a better way to educate children.  Even if a child can't be homeschooled by parents, there are still many other options that would allow for children to receive a quality education.  If we are going to throw money at a problem, then let's not keep throwing money in the same bottomless pit with the same dismal results.  Instead, let's do some things a little different somehow.

I have been spending so much time in prayer lately.  My step-daughter has to remain in the public school.  I want her to receive a quality education and a Biblical worldview, and it is going to be tougher to accomplish this when her time is mostly spent in the school building a few miles from my home.  However, I am determined to try.  I figure that God is in charge, and He has a plan.

I have become fascinated with educational methods in earlier times.  Oh, those days weren't perfect, but the quality of education couldn't be beat.  I look back to the days where hard work at home was a part of daily life before a student even went to school.  Most children didn't begin school at five or six, but at eight or ten.  Many learned to read at home.  Have you ever read a test from the late 1800s?

I once asked God why the King James version of the Bible is so difficult for people to understand today.  I admit to being one of those people that often enjoys an easier translation.  Yes, terminology and phrases have changed.  People do speak differently now than they did when the Bible was translated from the Hebrew and Greek.  However, I truly feel that part of the reason why we have versions of the Bible that are more "modern" is because we don't have the same quality of education.  The vocabulary that we have been exposed to in our lives is not of the same caliber that was used in previous generations.

We aren't less intelligent.  We have a generation that has advanced technology to levels that wouldn't have even been dreamed of seventy years ago.  It was wasn't even a thought that a person could have instant access to family thousands of miles away.  The advances we have made in science have been incredible. The life expectancy of men and women in our country has increased by decades.  And yet, it almost feels like that golden age of man aspiring to learn, to create, to grow, and to stand for something bigger than himself has given way to materialism, entertainment, and comfort.  This is a generalization that obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but it is there.

  We read a lot in our homeschool.  Books have been a big part of the education my daughter receives.  I sometimes doubt myself and wonder if I am giving my children the solid, Biblical education that I want them to have.  Results are sometimes more difficult to measure when we don't have a stack of worksheets or tests to use as a ruler.  Oh, I have some quizzes here and there, but I mostly just check them to see if the concepts are being thoroughly understood.  If they aren't, we can backtrack and review.

Then I hear my eleven year old daughter talk with friends at church, or adults in a store.  I hear her expressing herself politely and well.  I see her enthusiasm as we discuss a current piece of literature she is studying.  I am delighted when she gets excited about something she is learning.  It is then I realize that she is receiving a quality education.  It is then that my fears are put to rest for awhile.  We use some materials that were written before 1923 and are public domain.  We enjoy the McGuffey readers.  Laura has loved the books she is reading in science by Arabella B. Buckley and the Ellwood W. Kemp Historical books about Greece and Rome.  These were published in the early 1900s and are still wonderful today.

I rest assured that we have a nice balance of more modern literature with wonderful works from earlier times.  I am confident that my daughter is receiving a very high quality education with a strong focus on God.  I pray I am instilling in all of my daughters a desire to learn more and be all that God has for them to be.                 

Learning about a Radical Life in My Home Mission Field

It began with my church deciding to read through the book Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream by David Platt.  I have to be honest.  I had seen that book over and over at the Christian bookstore, online, and even at Walmart.  My first instinct was to question, "What's wrong with the American Dream?"  I never really looked any farther. 

Then, when my church recommended reading it, I went ahead and picked it up.  Radical was uncomfortable for me to read, but in a good way.  It was one of those books that shakes comfort zones and challenges the reader to step out of them.  It did wake me up some, however, to how easy it is to be a Christian in America, and how little American Christians seem to be focused on our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world.  Radical woke me up to some of the self-centeredness in my own heart that I wasn't fully aware was there.

A couple of my daughters have always enjoyed missions and missionary stories.  Since beginning to homeschool, I have also enjoyed the few missionary stories we have read.  It was never a focus, however.  It was just a part of our studies. 

After reading Radical, a friend lent me the book The Heavenly Man: The Remarkable True Story of Chinese Christian Brother Yun by Brother Yun and Paul Hattaway.  The story reminded me of one of my favorite books, Safely Home by Randy Alcorn.  With a fire ignited, I began to consume these books.  I re-read Safely Home with new eyes.  I devoured The Heavenly Man.  I now have a list of books about Christians in other countries, other cultures, that I feel a burning desire to read.

Is it too easy to be a Christain in America?  Do we take our blessings and freedoms for granted?  Those questions can really impact how we live and the choices we make to honor Christ.  I have read these stories, and have been humbled at the lukewarm condition of my own heart.  Being lukewarm is not a condition I want. 

I never realized there are people so hungry for God's Word that they will hand-copy Bibles and memorize books of Scripture, if not the entire New Testament, just to make sure that God's Word is in their hearts when it is illegal for it to be in their hands.  I have at least three or four Bibles in just our dining room.  I have one Bible I use at church that I keep in my van so I don't forget it on Sunday mornings or Wednesday evenings.  And yet, I have just a handful or two of verses memorized.  I have read through the Bible once or twice, but it has never been the consuming fire I know it should be.  There have been times where I can't get enough of God's Word, but then other things come along and I get busy... or distracted... or lazy. 

Reading the stories of other Christians in other cultures, I am ashamed that I have lived in a comfort zone that has kept my heart from breaking for the lost the way it should.  It is not until our hearts break for the lost that we will see the world through the eyes of Jesus.  When we can look at those that persecute us and pray for them, forgive them, and even reach out to them with the love of Christ, then we will be responding as a true Christian.  When we are moved to pray for our Christian brothers and sisters in other countries that are facing intense persecution, such as in the case of Pastor Youcef Nadarkhani, then we will be waking up to the realities of the Christ's Church in the World.

Christian homeschooling circles talk a lot about giving our children a Christian Worldview.  Honestly, I think the parents need to make sure they have one first.  Then, we need to examine what a Christian Worldview truly means.  Often I hear that being a Christian is a "lifestyle".  That phrase has never set well with me, but I couldn't figure out why.  Now I know... Being a Christian isn't a lifestyle.  Living on a middle class income is a lifestyle.  Being an athlete is a lifestyle.  There used to be a show called The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, which showed how glamorous the lives of rich and famous people could be.  Somehow, though, the "perfect" lives seemed to be a shallow replica of a true life.

That's how I feel about the "Christian lifestyle".  The Bible says we were bought at a price.  I don't believe Christ died a torturous death on the Cross so we can have some "lifestyle". That seems like a shallow representation of Christ when compared to how we loosely use the phrase "lifestyle" to mean so many other things.  And the "lifestyle" of a Christian seems to vary depending on where on this planet he resides as a Christian. 

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.  Philippians 1:21

The lifestyle of a Christian in China, like Brother Yun in The Heavenly Man, is not the same as many American Christians.  We don't often go to church wondering if we will be arrested for being there.  Our church attendance isn't usually a secret.  Yet, the Chinese underground church has been growing for many years, and is still growing, despite and even because of the persecution.  We don't have to spend years in jail for our faith and face execution, as in the case of Pastor Youcef Nadarkhani and many, many others around the world.  From this, you can see why I feel that the term "lifestyle" seems a bit weak.  Most people wouldn't die for a lifestyle.  Lifestyles can change based on outside circumstances.  A Middle Class lifestyle can change with the economy (as many have learned).  An athletic lifestyle can change with an illness or injury.  Lifestyles can change.  A Christian shouldn't have a "lifestyle", but a core foundation that is unshakeable, and a life that represents servant-hood to our King. 

You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men.  1 Corinthians 7:23

In my life, and in my home mission field, I am examining and re-examining everything with Scripture.  I don't want just some Christian "lifestyle" that includes church. God is calling me to more, in every area of my life, including in my home mission field.

Revelations of Modesty Part 4 - The Big Skirt Versus Pants Question (Long Post)

Kim in Oklahoma

The summer before my oldest daughter began high school, she got the lead role in the local summer theater program.  The play was "Oklahoma" and Kim was "Laurie".  It was a fun summer for her despite the hard work.  She was at the theater for practice every day.

One day, near the beginning of all the rehearsals, Kim was onstage rehearsing when the director pulled her offstage.  He told her that she wasn't "girlie" enough when she walked.  To remedy the situation, he put her in a full skirt to walk around in during the rehearsals.  Kim rolled her eyes and thought it was silly, but as she wore the skirt, her mannerisms became more feminine.  By opening night she was pure girl in the dress she wore as her costume. 

I have come to believe that what we wear influences our behavior and mannerisms... sometimes immediately and sometimes over time.  I think we often choose clothes because of what is already in our heart.  I know we often choose our clothes by what is in style or what we are comfortable wearing.  However, like in the case of my daughter, what we wear can influence us.

One of the biggest debates among Christian women is what is modest and what isn't.  Hearing from my husband helped immensely, but I also wanted to find out for myself about things.  For centuries women dressed a certain way.  Styles may have changed, but women wore dresses or skirts for most of the history of the world.  I began to question why, after thousands of years, it changed.  Was it a good thing?  Was it feminism?  Was it fashion?  Is is legalistic to wear predominantly dresses or skirts now, or is it godly?  Is it a heart issue?  Is it only legalistic if you think wearing a dress or skirt helps earn your salvation?

I think sometimes our behavior changes based on how we are treated in what we are wearing.  Over and over I have read that women that dress modestly, especially the ones that wear dresses or skirts more often, feel more feminine.  I also read about how they feel they are treated with more respect and chivalry in public when wearing a dress versus when they wear pants.  For some, the change in how they are treated in public is drastic.  I have no doubt that being treated with more respect in public would directly influence our behaviors.

 Do I feel different in modest clothing versus my usual attire?  I spent a few weeks wearing dresses to church and special events and taking note of how I felt.  I would have normally worn khaki pants or black dress pants.  Instead, I put on the skirts that I had in my closet.  These were pretty, often printed skirts that fell below my knees.  I wore several different skirts to have a variety.  Since I normally wear pants, I wore skirts several times so that my feelings wouldn't be tainted just by the feeling of wearing something unique to me.  My goal was to make an honest observation on how I felt while wearing more traditionally feminine clothing.

I'll be honest, I expected to feel uncomfortable.  I think I have worn a skirt or a dress twice in the last ten years!  Once was in a formal dress as matron of honor in my sister's wedding (three weeks after I gave birth!  I felt fat and was nursing.).  The other time was after I bought a new skirt on clearance and wore it to church.    I expected to feel like everyone was looking at me.  I expected to feel immodest despite the studies and opinions to the contrary.  After all,  wearing pants covers all my skin, while wearing a skirt shows my legs and could blow up in the wind.

I discovered, instead, that the opinions of most of the other women I have read were correct.  I did feel different wearing a skirt.  I felt more feminine.  I didn't want to change out of them.  I felt comfortable.  Instead of feeling constrained, as I have often felt in pants, I felt free.  I loved the feel of the skirt swishing around my legs.  I had the strangest desire to act like a little girl and twirl!  I felt more graceful and beautiful.  I know that I am a little overweight... but in a skirt I didn't feel it as much.

Every time I wore a skirt, even different ones to different events, I felt the same way.  I came home from church one day, fixed lunch, went to a graduation, then came home and did some housework... all in a skirt.  It didn't feel weird.  I didn't have the urge to change, though I did try to be careful while making lunch to keep anything from splattering on me.  I wore that skirt until bedtime.

To most, this may seem silly.  But to me, this is HUGE.  You see,  I am the jeans girl.  I was the tomboy.  I am the mom of five daughters that liked to "hide" her body behind jeans and big sweatshirts. I was the one that kind of looked at wearing something like a skirt or a dress as "not being me".  I guess I had this image of myself, the tough woman, the feisty woman, that didn't meld with wearing something so feminine.  I looked at dresses and skirts as too "girlie".  I fit in perfectly with many of the women I have been around.  When a friend would dress up in a dress or skirt for an occasion or church, I would think that it's nice for her, but not for me.

Truthfully, some of the dresses worn, even to church, are immodest.  They are very short or tight or revealing.  Short, tight and revealing aren't me either.  So, I would look at pants as more modest.  It wasn't until my husband, the gentle man that has never said a negative word about my clothes, told his opinion.  My husband shared freely his opinions about modesty and he was very honest.  He stated bluntly that, while seeing a woman in pants is normal now, men still notice a woman's bottom.  When a woman wears a modest skirt with a modest shirt, he notices her face.

At first that made me mad.  I mean, It's just pants! Everyone wears them, so why are guys noticing my bottom?  If they aren't too tight or low riders, then who cares?!  Right?  My husband smiled and said that, yes, he agreed with me.  Seeing a woman in pants is not something thought of as strange or sinful or even really immodest most of the time.  Nearly all women wear pants or jeans.  Yet, he confessed, that much of the time, that is where their eyes go... especially on an attractive lady.  However, being honest, he admitted that a man's gaze doesn't do that when a woman wears a loose, flowing skirt.  I don't think that my husband even really acknowledged this himself until he had to really think about it and answer my questions.

The more I read and studied about modesty, the more I wanted to see for myself.  I was astonished at how wearing a skirt totally changed how I felt about myself.  As I continue the study, I find myself with more questions than answers. I know the opinions of others... and they vary WIDELY.  What people wear and opinions of modesty invoke strong reactions.  In all the articles I have read, the subject of modest causes anger all over the spectrum of opinions even among Christian women.  No one wants to be told that what they are wearing is wrong, whether the accusation is immodesty or legalism.

I asked my grandmother her opinion.  She has seen and lived 80 years of fashions and church opinions.  She told me honestly that, even when she wore pants at home, she would never wear them to church.  She didn't wear pants to church until the early 1990s.  She hated it though, and only wore pants to church because she wanted to go to church and had no dresses or skirts at the time.  She told me she wasn't comfortable wearing dress slacks to church, even if most of the other women were.  She was raised to believe that you dressed nicely for God's House, to show respect to God.

My grandmother was hesitant at first to answer whether she believed pants were men's attire.  After all, she wears pants.  Her opinion was that pants are made differently for women than for men, so they couldn't be men's clothing only.  However, she was open about the fact that she misses seeing girls dressed like girls in dresses.

The denomination I attend and was raised in used to be one that was strict about dress.  When "legalism" became the cry, their stance changed.  Now we have a situation in church where it isn't a dresses issue, but one where nearly anything (or next to nothing) goes.  One worship team member mentioned that there is one lady in the church he can't look at while on stage because of how the lady dresses.  So, have we really gained much ground by being more "casual" and "comfortable" in church?  And aren't we supposed to honor God and His commands the same in and out of church?  I don't think I have ever heard Romans 14:13 preached in my church.  In fact, if approached about attire, most women have the attitude and opinion that, if a guy has a problem with what she's wearing, it's his problem and he should just deal with it.

Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this - not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way.   Romans 14:13  

Turning to the Bible, I asked myself some tough questions and went to work researching the Scriptures.  I determined not to just accept any single opinion, but to research for myself, even the Greek and Hebrew if necessary.

A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the LORD your God.     Deuteronomy 22:5

This verse seems to be one that causes the biggest uproar.  Some outright say the verse isn't applicable to today.  Others base their entire wardrobe on this verse.  Translated from the original, the word  man comes from the word geber, which means strong man or warrior.  Because of this, I have read articles that say that the verse is talking about a woman wearing armor for battle, as was a pagan ritual at the time.  However, many take the verse to mean that wearing things that traditionally are man's attire is an abomination.  Then I read that it isn't fair to say that because even man's attire has changed over the years.  Men used to wear heels, stockings, and lace.  Some research talks about men wearing britches or pants in the Bible under their robes while women never did.  Either way, this is the hottest verse for debate.

In like manner also that women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefacedness and sobriety not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly array,   1 Timothy 2:9

Here's another verse that brings up hot debate, mostly centered around the translation of the word apparel.  The literal translation of the word apparel is katastole' meaning clothing or attire.  However, the word origin is katastello'  meaning to let down or lower... as in a robe or a dress.


I read a quote that fits nicely with this.  "If you want to know what to do, the right decision to make, follow peace."  - Joyce Meyer


So, what brings me peace?


I believe that women have lost a lot of their femininity and that the gender roles have been blurred.  I think this causes confusion.  To think you are closer to God because you choose to wear a dress is wrong.  However, if God has moved your heart to dressing more femininely and modestly, there is probably a reason.  Wearing a dress won't bring you salvation.  Wearing pants won't cost it.  Both can be immodest. 

Exodus 28:42 and Isaiah 47:2-3 actually spoke to me more than the verses above.  They talk about the thigh being considered nakedness to God.  Truthfully, after talking with my husband about these verses, we both feel that these verses speak a truth that isn't even brought up today.  What's the line on too much skin or too short?  Well, if it shows your thighs, then it would Biblically be naked.  I liked that, probably because it was something concrete and not an opinion or a debate over translation.  Of course, then comes into play the whole shorts and swimsuit debates.  (sigh)

My husband and I are still in prayer over this issue, wanting to come to a meeting of the hearts and minds... not just for "mom's" clothing, but for our young daughters.  Of course, we want whatever we decide to be their heart, and not just a set of rules.  Our older daughters are adults, and so must make their own choices.  I do hope that any decisions we make would impact or influence them.  Since we have all daughters, we haven't really delved into modesty for males.

For me, God is doing a number on my heart, and what I wear is really only a part of all that He is doing.  I have a lot of edges that need softened, both inside and out.  I feel like, somewhere along the way, I lost what it means to be feminine.  I think maybe our whole culture has.  Either we have women dressing very masculine, or women dressing to attract attention to their bodies, or a combination of the two.  I chose the masculine side.  Do I see pants as masculine?  Yes, a little.  I think they can be made for the female body, cut and designed differently for the female form.  However, I use to wear men's jeans because they fit me better... so I don't think a cookie cutter female form works either.  And no one knew they were men's jeans when I wore them.  The truth is, they can all kind of look alike if they don't have feminine decorations on them, aren't made of a feminine color, or aren't skin tight (skinnies).

This is an issue that God is leading me and my husband through.  It's amazing to experience, even though we don't know where it will lead.  I do know this. What God tells me to do is for me.  In no way do I judge women that wear dresses if I choose to wear pants.  In no way do I judge women that wear pants if I feel led to put on a skirt.  This is something God is doing in me to train me in how He sees me, in how He wants me to be, and in how He wants me to raise my daughters.

This has become a heart issue for me.  I truly believe that modesty is only a small part of a bigger picture that God is working on in me.  I think God is leading me more to what is inside of me than what is outside.

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.     1 Peter 3:4

Revelations of Modesty part 3 - Women's Clothing Through the Last 2000 Years

My girls in Bible Costumes for a Christmas Human Video

I thought it would be a good idea, in my research on modesty, to display some pictures throughout the ages.  I wanted to show a very visual picture of how styles and modesty has changed over the years.  Most of my pictures are in the last 100 years, since that seems to be where the most drastic changes in what is acceptable has happened.

Bible Times

Medieval Times

Colonial Dress

Pioneer Dress

1880s Dress

1915 Dress

1920s dress

1940's dress

1950s dress

1960s styles

1970s fashion

1980s fashion

1990s styles

2000 styles

I had a difficult time finding women wearing pants until the 1940s and 1950s.  I found that things drastically changed for women and their apparel in the 1960s.  Suddenly, styles weren't as feminine.  Pants became the norm.

I also noticed that, even back in the early 1900s, as women's fashions began to change, more and more skin began to show.  With few exceptions, the styles still stayed feminine and discreet until the 1960s, when the sexual revolution changed how women perceived themselves.  Then, not only were pants the norm, but clothing that either blatantly copied a man's or that purposely looked seductive.  I think the very definition of what is considered feminine changed at that point.

I was raised in the late 70s and the 80s.  Jeans were the norm.  As a girl, I loved dresses.  I remember, like most little girls, loving to feel them twirl around me.  By middle school, I felt uncomfortable in a dress.  I wore jeans.  I dressed up in a dress for my 8th grade graduation.  I felt very awkward.  It wasn't until business college that wearing skirts and dresses became more normal.  Even then, I wore a lot of dress pants.

As a stay at home mom, my norm has been jeans and shorts.  For church, I have even veered away from clothes that are too dressy.  With the birth of my last daughter, I have had a tough time losing the baby weight.  Wearing dressy clothes has felt uncomfortable.  In jeans and large shirts I can hide the weight. 

Then one day I was sitting in front of a store, waiting for my daughter to check out.  I was watching the customers going in and out.  As I watched, I noticed how they all seemed to blend together.  It seemed everyone was wearing jeans of some sort, whether regular or shorts, and t-shirts.  Young and old, men and women, Christian and non-Christian, all of them sort of resembled each other.  I realized that, as much as we talk about individuality in America, we don't often practice it in practical ways.  Jeans and T-shirts are big business.  It shows in the very common style most of us wear every day.  While I don't think wearing a pair of jeans is necessarily sin, it did strike me as curious that we all looked alike.

I think God got my attention for a reason that day in the parking lot.  That moment was the initial spurring into looking into how God wants his daughters to dress.  I am trying to take a very balanced approach to my study, instead of just adopting what one group or another believes (this includes my own church).  I am researching the original Hebrew or Greek meanings of verses.  I am also reevaluating my own opinions about what is feminine and modest.