I've been reading and taking notes. Today, when my husband came home from work, we were lucky enough to have some quiet, kid-free time. I went over all the notes I have been taking as I learned more about helping my little seven year old firecracker.
Changes are coming in how we do things. I'm researching and praying every step of the way. I'm discussing my findings with my husband since, as an adult with ADD, he knows what is malarkey and what is worth delving into.
He's being very supportive. He's been there... The figure kid with too much energy and trouble completing assignments. He was treated as mentally inferior in school, and that is far from truth. He doesn't want his children to be made to feel the same way.
One thing that jumped out at me in my research was a sentence in a blog post by a mom. She noticed how negative and critical she was one morning while trying to get her child out the door to catch the school bus. She then realized how harsh she sounded. It dawned on her that children with ADHD often hear more negativity and criticism in a day than most "normal" children hear in a month.
Is that the kind of mom I want to be?
I mentioned this point to my husband while we went through the notes. He was impacted greatly. He knows how that negativity can kill a child's self-worth.
Neither of us realized how our frustration at keeping Megan on task was coming out in such damaging ways.
Over the years I have read a lot on the power of words. While I think some have gone to crazy extremes, I have found much about speaking life to our children. Across denominational barriers, I read about how our words can simply destroy people.
One man I know was told by his father as a child that he is worthless and would never amount to anything. In school he tested in the genius level on an IQ test. And yet, as a grown man, he struggles to survive. He feels worthless and won't try. Yes, as an adult, he's responsible for his decisions. I just can't help but wonder the man he would have become if he'd been told he had value and worth.
I've heard it said that you must praise a person ten times for every one time you tear them down. TEN TIMES! The praise can't be fake, either, because that is so easily detected by the receiver.
So I purpose to look for the positive, to praise character and hard work, to give spoken blessings, and to build up my children.
This doesn't mean becoming permissive parents. Correction and discipline are still vital. Boundaries and consequences matter greatly, according to my research.
Megan is a special, beautiful, intelligent, and very energetic child. I don't want to ever feel like her worth is low because her parents did nothing but criticize and get frustrated and even yell. ADHD is a struggle at times; but, it is also a gift. God will use this for His Glory.
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