Revelations of Modesty Part 4 - The Big Skirt Versus Pants Question (Long Post)

Kim in Oklahoma

The summer before my oldest daughter began high school, she got the lead role in the local summer theater program.  The play was "Oklahoma" and Kim was "Laurie".  It was a fun summer for her despite the hard work.  She was at the theater for practice every day.

One day, near the beginning of all the rehearsals, Kim was onstage rehearsing when the director pulled her offstage.  He told her that she wasn't "girlie" enough when she walked.  To remedy the situation, he put her in a full skirt to walk around in during the rehearsals.  Kim rolled her eyes and thought it was silly, but as she wore the skirt, her mannerisms became more feminine.  By opening night she was pure girl in the dress she wore as her costume. 

I have come to believe that what we wear influences our behavior and mannerisms... sometimes immediately and sometimes over time.  I think we often choose clothes because of what is already in our heart.  I know we often choose our clothes by what is in style or what we are comfortable wearing.  However, like in the case of my daughter, what we wear can influence us.

One of the biggest debates among Christian women is what is modest and what isn't.  Hearing from my husband helped immensely, but I also wanted to find out for myself about things.  For centuries women dressed a certain way.  Styles may have changed, but women wore dresses or skirts for most of the history of the world.  I began to question why, after thousands of years, it changed.  Was it a good thing?  Was it feminism?  Was it fashion?  Is is legalistic to wear predominantly dresses or skirts now, or is it godly?  Is it a heart issue?  Is it only legalistic if you think wearing a dress or skirt helps earn your salvation?

I think sometimes our behavior changes based on how we are treated in what we are wearing.  Over and over I have read that women that dress modestly, especially the ones that wear dresses or skirts more often, feel more feminine.  I also read about how they feel they are treated with more respect and chivalry in public when wearing a dress versus when they wear pants.  For some, the change in how they are treated in public is drastic.  I have no doubt that being treated with more respect in public would directly influence our behaviors.

 Do I feel different in modest clothing versus my usual attire?  I spent a few weeks wearing dresses to church and special events and taking note of how I felt.  I would have normally worn khaki pants or black dress pants.  Instead, I put on the skirts that I had in my closet.  These were pretty, often printed skirts that fell below my knees.  I wore several different skirts to have a variety.  Since I normally wear pants, I wore skirts several times so that my feelings wouldn't be tainted just by the feeling of wearing something unique to me.  My goal was to make an honest observation on how I felt while wearing more traditionally feminine clothing.

I'll be honest, I expected to feel uncomfortable.  I think I have worn a skirt or a dress twice in the last ten years!  Once was in a formal dress as matron of honor in my sister's wedding (three weeks after I gave birth!  I felt fat and was nursing.).  The other time was after I bought a new skirt on clearance and wore it to church.    I expected to feel like everyone was looking at me.  I expected to feel immodest despite the studies and opinions to the contrary.  After all,  wearing pants covers all my skin, while wearing a skirt shows my legs and could blow up in the wind.

I discovered, instead, that the opinions of most of the other women I have read were correct.  I did feel different wearing a skirt.  I felt more feminine.  I didn't want to change out of them.  I felt comfortable.  Instead of feeling constrained, as I have often felt in pants, I felt free.  I loved the feel of the skirt swishing around my legs.  I had the strangest desire to act like a little girl and twirl!  I felt more graceful and beautiful.  I know that I am a little overweight... but in a skirt I didn't feel it as much.

Every time I wore a skirt, even different ones to different events, I felt the same way.  I came home from church one day, fixed lunch, went to a graduation, then came home and did some housework... all in a skirt.  It didn't feel weird.  I didn't have the urge to change, though I did try to be careful while making lunch to keep anything from splattering on me.  I wore that skirt until bedtime.

To most, this may seem silly.  But to me, this is HUGE.  You see,  I am the jeans girl.  I was the tomboy.  I am the mom of five daughters that liked to "hide" her body behind jeans and big sweatshirts. I was the one that kind of looked at wearing something like a skirt or a dress as "not being me".  I guess I had this image of myself, the tough woman, the feisty woman, that didn't meld with wearing something so feminine.  I looked at dresses and skirts as too "girlie".  I fit in perfectly with many of the women I have been around.  When a friend would dress up in a dress or skirt for an occasion or church, I would think that it's nice for her, but not for me.

Truthfully, some of the dresses worn, even to church, are immodest.  They are very short or tight or revealing.  Short, tight and revealing aren't me either.  So, I would look at pants as more modest.  It wasn't until my husband, the gentle man that has never said a negative word about my clothes, told his opinion.  My husband shared freely his opinions about modesty and he was very honest.  He stated bluntly that, while seeing a woman in pants is normal now, men still notice a woman's bottom.  When a woman wears a modest skirt with a modest shirt, he notices her face.

At first that made me mad.  I mean, It's just pants! Everyone wears them, so why are guys noticing my bottom?  If they aren't too tight or low riders, then who cares?!  Right?  My husband smiled and said that, yes, he agreed with me.  Seeing a woman in pants is not something thought of as strange or sinful or even really immodest most of the time.  Nearly all women wear pants or jeans.  Yet, he confessed, that much of the time, that is where their eyes go... especially on an attractive lady.  However, being honest, he admitted that a man's gaze doesn't do that when a woman wears a loose, flowing skirt.  I don't think that my husband even really acknowledged this himself until he had to really think about it and answer my questions.

The more I read and studied about modesty, the more I wanted to see for myself.  I was astonished at how wearing a skirt totally changed how I felt about myself.  As I continue the study, I find myself with more questions than answers. I know the opinions of others... and they vary WIDELY.  What people wear and opinions of modesty invoke strong reactions.  In all the articles I have read, the subject of modest causes anger all over the spectrum of opinions even among Christian women.  No one wants to be told that what they are wearing is wrong, whether the accusation is immodesty or legalism.

I asked my grandmother her opinion.  She has seen and lived 80 years of fashions and church opinions.  She told me honestly that, even when she wore pants at home, she would never wear them to church.  She didn't wear pants to church until the early 1990s.  She hated it though, and only wore pants to church because she wanted to go to church and had no dresses or skirts at the time.  She told me she wasn't comfortable wearing dress slacks to church, even if most of the other women were.  She was raised to believe that you dressed nicely for God's House, to show respect to God.

My grandmother was hesitant at first to answer whether she believed pants were men's attire.  After all, she wears pants.  Her opinion was that pants are made differently for women than for men, so they couldn't be men's clothing only.  However, she was open about the fact that she misses seeing girls dressed like girls in dresses.

The denomination I attend and was raised in used to be one that was strict about dress.  When "legalism" became the cry, their stance changed.  Now we have a situation in church where it isn't a dresses issue, but one where nearly anything (or next to nothing) goes.  One worship team member mentioned that there is one lady in the church he can't look at while on stage because of how the lady dresses.  So, have we really gained much ground by being more "casual" and "comfortable" in church?  And aren't we supposed to honor God and His commands the same in and out of church?  I don't think I have ever heard Romans 14:13 preached in my church.  In fact, if approached about attire, most women have the attitude and opinion that, if a guy has a problem with what she's wearing, it's his problem and he should just deal with it.

Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this - not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way.   Romans 14:13  

Turning to the Bible, I asked myself some tough questions and went to work researching the Scriptures.  I determined not to just accept any single opinion, but to research for myself, even the Greek and Hebrew if necessary.

A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the LORD your God.     Deuteronomy 22:5

This verse seems to be one that causes the biggest uproar.  Some outright say the verse isn't applicable to today.  Others base their entire wardrobe on this verse.  Translated from the original, the word  man comes from the word geber, which means strong man or warrior.  Because of this, I have read articles that say that the verse is talking about a woman wearing armor for battle, as was a pagan ritual at the time.  However, many take the verse to mean that wearing things that traditionally are man's attire is an abomination.  Then I read that it isn't fair to say that because even man's attire has changed over the years.  Men used to wear heels, stockings, and lace.  Some research talks about men wearing britches or pants in the Bible under their robes while women never did.  Either way, this is the hottest verse for debate.

In like manner also that women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefacedness and sobriety not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly array,   1 Timothy 2:9

Here's another verse that brings up hot debate, mostly centered around the translation of the word apparel.  The literal translation of the word apparel is katastole' meaning clothing or attire.  However, the word origin is katastello'  meaning to let down or lower... as in a robe or a dress.


I read a quote that fits nicely with this.  "If you want to know what to do, the right decision to make, follow peace."  - Joyce Meyer


So, what brings me peace?


I believe that women have lost a lot of their femininity and that the gender roles have been blurred.  I think this causes confusion.  To think you are closer to God because you choose to wear a dress is wrong.  However, if God has moved your heart to dressing more femininely and modestly, there is probably a reason.  Wearing a dress won't bring you salvation.  Wearing pants won't cost it.  Both can be immodest. 

Exodus 28:42 and Isaiah 47:2-3 actually spoke to me more than the verses above.  They talk about the thigh being considered nakedness to God.  Truthfully, after talking with my husband about these verses, we both feel that these verses speak a truth that isn't even brought up today.  What's the line on too much skin or too short?  Well, if it shows your thighs, then it would Biblically be naked.  I liked that, probably because it was something concrete and not an opinion or a debate over translation.  Of course, then comes into play the whole shorts and swimsuit debates.  (sigh)

My husband and I are still in prayer over this issue, wanting to come to a meeting of the hearts and minds... not just for "mom's" clothing, but for our young daughters.  Of course, we want whatever we decide to be their heart, and not just a set of rules.  Our older daughters are adults, and so must make their own choices.  I do hope that any decisions we make would impact or influence them.  Since we have all daughters, we haven't really delved into modesty for males.

For me, God is doing a number on my heart, and what I wear is really only a part of all that He is doing.  I have a lot of edges that need softened, both inside and out.  I feel like, somewhere along the way, I lost what it means to be feminine.  I think maybe our whole culture has.  Either we have women dressing very masculine, or women dressing to attract attention to their bodies, or a combination of the two.  I chose the masculine side.  Do I see pants as masculine?  Yes, a little.  I think they can be made for the female body, cut and designed differently for the female form.  However, I use to wear men's jeans because they fit me better... so I don't think a cookie cutter female form works either.  And no one knew they were men's jeans when I wore them.  The truth is, they can all kind of look alike if they don't have feminine decorations on them, aren't made of a feminine color, or aren't skin tight (skinnies).

This is an issue that God is leading me and my husband through.  It's amazing to experience, even though we don't know where it will lead.  I do know this. What God tells me to do is for me.  In no way do I judge women that wear dresses if I choose to wear pants.  In no way do I judge women that wear pants if I feel led to put on a skirt.  This is something God is doing in me to train me in how He sees me, in how He wants me to be, and in how He wants me to raise my daughters.

This has become a heart issue for me.  I truly believe that modesty is only a small part of a bigger picture that God is working on in me.  I think God is leading me more to what is inside of me than what is outside.

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.     1 Peter 3:4