Closet Cleaning

Getting rid of stuff can be a time consuming endeavor.  Today I conquered my linen closet, a dresser full of bed linens, and my bathroom.  I ended up with a few blankets, a few towels , and a shelf of bathroom supplies that I want out of sight.  I have three garbage bags of sheets, blankets, and towels to get donate and trash.  

It's progress, slow and sure. 

I found I wasn't as connected to blankets as I am withthings such as books or knick-knacks. It was actually easy to part with the miscellaneous blankets. 

If only everything was this easy to declutter. 

A step at a time, a day at a time, I am moving in the direction I feel the Lord is leading. 

A Reorganized Laundry Room

Since moving into an apartment last year, we have had to get rid of a lot of clutter.  This has been an ongoing process as we work towards fitting comfortably in an 1100 sq. ft. apartment from  2200 sq. ft. house.

A Room full of clutter.  I couldn't fit it all in one shot due to the door.

Today I decided to tackle to laundry room.  I can no longer have my clothesline, as we have no yard.  However, I have been determined to air-dry our clothes as much and as often as possible!  Our clothes last laugh longer without wear.  Stains don't get set in by the dryer.  I use drying racks for the most part. 

The Bissel box is holding stuff.  The shelf was a catch-all.

My laundry room has been too cluttered to  have the drying racks.  I've had to set them up in the hallway.  It's not the most attractive, but it fulfills its purpose.  

Pinterest inspired me to tackle the clutter and make the laundry room a bit more organized and user-friendly.  I threw out the gaudy, broken hampers that we just don't have the room for here.  Instead, I picked up a couple littler laundry baskets that would fit on the shelves.   A few nails and a couple of Command Strip hooks allowed me to hang up many of the things that just took up space on my floor or on the shelves.

Newly Done

Labeled baskets and stuff hung up.  The flowered bag holds clothespins.  It was my grandmother's.

Then came the purging. I threw out a whole shoebox sized basket of socks with no mate. I found some clothes that my daughter outgrew.  I threw out several ripped, worn-out blankets so that I would have more room in my linen closet for stuff stored in the laundry room.  

My homemade dry laundry soap and fabric softener with sponges for the dryer.

It all came together relatively quickly!  It looks nice, especially compared to how messy it was.  

Before and after.  Hung up the mop and broom. I fit in one drying rack.

I'm enjoying this cleaning and purging.  I think I'll see what else can be simplified and organized nicely.  

Making My Heritage Wall

I love Pictures!  Since I was a child, I have LOVED pictures.  My grandmother had a wall in her home where she had a small photo gallery of family photos.  I would look at that wall and think how those pictures made me feel like home.

My own picture obsession over the years has become legendary in my family.  I spent so much money the years my oldest girls were young buying and developing film so that I could take massive photos of my children.  It wasn't until the youngest was a year old that I received a digital camera.  That was a GREAT day!  Suddenly I could take all the pictures I wanted, and delete the blurry ones.

For years I wanted to put up a Heritage Wall.  I just couldn't do it properly with the horrible cement and plaster walls in our old place.  We've been in our new place for nearly a year now, and after all that time, I was so excited to make a wonderful Heritage Wall.  I made a nice wall of my daughters in my living room, but when it came to the Heritage Wall, I totally froze.

For my birthday, my beautiful daughter bought me a couple of collage frames.  MONTHS later, I was staring at those frames, kicking myself for not actually putting together my Heritage Wall.  The blank wall in the hallway mocked me.  Pinterest (which is sure to make you feel guilty if you look too much) was full of beautiful Heritage Walls.

I spent Saturday going through pictures and buying some extra frames.  Then, I sorted pictures more and bought more frames.  I thought I had a great start for Sunday.

After church on Sunday, I decided to get help.  I love designing, but hanging never goes the way I want.  My husband graciously volunteered to help.  We spent the next few hours, including another run to the store for a couple more frames, hanging pictures.

I HAVE MY HERITAGE WALL!!!

I love it.  It feels like home.  It reminded me a bit of my Grandmother's wall, but the pictures are (mostly) ones I've taken or had taken.  I have pictures of my grandparents, my parents, my sisters, my in-laws.  I have pictures of my girls all through their growing up years.  I have my beautiful oldest girl on her wedding day.  I have the picture of my husband and I taken on for our fifteenth anniversary.  It is a special wall of black frames and memories.

I may have created a monster with the husband.  He likes it so much he thinks we should do the other side of the hall (mua ha ha).

Can I Grow a Balcony Garden?

The most difficult thing about moving has been losing my garden.  I fell in love with gardening a few years ago.  Moving to an apartment has made many things challenging, but having a garden without a yard means being creative.

I am determined to try.

So... I purchased a couple cheap window boxes and filled them with potting soil.  I planted a couple bean plants in one, hoping to get them to vine up the rails.  

I might try a Topsy-Turvey or two for tomatoes.  I really want to try cucumbers, but that might take some deep pots or buckets to have a little depth for the roots. 

I received the pretty marigold flowers for Mother's Day.  I thought they would look bright and cheerful in the cute wagon planter I picked up last summer at Hobby Lobby. 

I'm far from an expert on container gardening.  I've been reading and researching online to hope that I may be able to still enjoy something I love do much.  

When God Shakes Your World

My world has been shaken.  So has the world of my husband and children.  If it's a time of testing, I feel I am failing miserably.  If it's a time of growth, I feel that I'm growing backwards if that is possible.  If I'm a threat to Satan, and he has been granted permission by God to unleash, he is taking advantage.

We say we would trust The Lord no matter what comes, but saying it and walking it out are two different matters.  

In the Bible, Job's first trial consisted of the loss of everything... His wealth, his his livelihood, and even his children.  Well... While our struggles are nowhere near Job's, it has all left me reeling.  

Will life ever be "normal" again?

I tell myself that "It's just a house!"  And, if I were honest, most of the time I despised that house!  It was always needing serious repairs.  One of us in the home always seemed to be sick.  My sinuses were a mess!  Allergies had formed in most of us. It was literally causing health issues.

But I loved having a yard.  We had great smelling lilac bushes.  My garden was such a joy to me!  My hokey clothesline brought such peace to my soul.  Yes, I'm one of those strange people that LOVES hanging clothes on the line.  

I miss my own space.  But it gets worse.

Much of our stuff still sits at that house.  A little over a week after we began moving, our transmission went out.  My car now joins the house, alone and broken.  The funds to fix it aren't there.

We are also being sued.  We owe money that we can't pay back currently and the person has lost patience.  He doesn't care about health issues from a toxic house.

We are owed money too.  That money was supposed to pay the above debt, but it hasn't been paid.  Again, fighting for this would require court action, and there is no money for that.

To top it all off, my daughter had to go to the ER yesterday.  A simple rash wouldn't go away and was getting much worse.  Turns out it's shingles.  I left the ER and went to pick up the meds to help my daughter.  But the insurance company somehow screwed up paperwork.  The ER must not have known what the pharmacy quickly figured out, the insurance had accidentally cancelled all of my children.  

My grocery budget went to purchase meds instead.

Boxes still litter my floor because the shelves haven't been moved yet.

Only some pictures have been hung.

School is supposed to be happening, but we haven't found our groove yet.  We try, but it's slow going.  Stress has left me unfocused.  I can't find things when I need them.  It's frustrating.

Yesterday at church a very sweet lady had a Word for me.  She told me that my kids are safe, and God is already dealing with this. Look up towards Him, and not around at the chaos.  

If God has shown me anything through this time, it's that when I see the world falling down around someone, I've been there.  I understand.  I can reach out.  Maybe I won't have all the answers or great wisdom, but I'll understand.  

I'll understand the fear that threatens to consume.  I'll understand the anger at the world, even at God.  When wave after wave of a tsunami seem to hit your life, you beg God to stop them before you drown.  

Make no mistake, it does feel like drowning. Just when you surface to gasp for breath, another wave hits, pushing you under and leaving you disoriented, panicked, and trashing about in desperation. 

Words like depression mix with words like bankrupt.  You see the proud off in the distance, believing they will never experience anything so difficult.  They make good money and can't see that one injury or illness or even just a couple of costly mistakes could change their worlds.  Their money and upper middle class lives have brought a comfort.    They seem to keep a distance, afraid your struggles might require something of them.  Or worse, the bad things are happening because of sin in our lives.  

I don't want to be a victim.  We were naive about many things.  We have paid a steep price for our lives from before we found Jesus.  But the Bible states none are worthy.  Are my sins greater than the Girl who accepted Christ as a child?  The Blood covers them, making us new, redeeming us, and granting us new mercies every day.

I don't know what God is going to do throughout the next few weeks.  We live day to day, trying to trust The Lord, doing our best.  His lessons are never easy.  But still I hold on, still I repent of my anger and frustration when the boil to the surface, still I love my King and Savior.

Cheap & Green Fabric Softener

Winter always makes me sad.  One of my favorite things is hanging clothes on my clothesline.  In the Midwest, it gets tough to do when the wind is bitter and the snow is flying.  So, I switch to drying racks.

But they are not nearly as much fun.  I don't get the same feeling of relaxation.  It takes a couple of days to get the clothes dry, even with them sitting on the heat vents. 

So, for things like blankets and towels, I am often forced to use the dryer.  However, buying fabric softener  sheets is one of my least favorite things to spend money on.  When every dime matters, I really don't want to have the extra cost.

Occasionally I have bought the liquid.  I will mix it with water and throw in cut up sponges.  This works very well at keeping the clothes soft and static free.

Lately I have been trying to eliminate some chemicals.  As I am eating more naturally, less processed foods, I don't want to have strong chemicals in everything I clean with.

I stumbled on the aluminum foil ball trick online.  I have been using vinegar as a fabric softener for awhile.  It didn't seem to do much to control static for the few things I dry in the cold months.  I had ran out of my fabric softener and water mixture (you can only water down the fabric softener so much before it's watering down water).  So... I tried the aluminum foil balls.  

Yes, my husband thought I was nuts.  However, he's been through my years of playing mad scientist, making homemade products.  He just goes with the flow now.

Anyway, it worked as I had read.  While it doesn't soften clothes like my fabric softener sponges, the static was gone.  And it cost....Pennies?  Plus, I can reuse the aluminum balls for months.  (I say balls because my dryer is extra-large capacity...so I made two.)

If you are looking for a way to save some money, then give this a try.  After all, being a good steward of our resources, including our cash, is important.

Holding On To Our History

The picture below is all that remains of a beautiful painting my Grandma painted .  In the winter of 1979 my Grandma was snowed in on this very farm during a snowstorm.  To pass the time, she painted this beautiful painting of the farm she was living on. 

I am still awed by her talent. 

This farm was where I grew up.  I moved around often as a child.  This farm was my stability.  My Grandma and step-Grandpa bought it when I was still a toddler.  So many memories from my childhood are centered around this place.  

The painting was destroyed later.  It saddened me to think that it was lost.  The other day I was going through summer of the boxes stored in my attic of my Grandmother's things.  In one of the photo albums, I found a Polaroid of the painting.  Tears came to my eyes as I saw it, an old friend I hadn't seen in over 25 years.

The painting hung in the dining room of my Grandma's farm.  I saw it every time I was there, which was as often as I could.   I ran on that grass, climbed in that barn, watched countless sunsets over the field across the street, built forts in the front corn crib, and ate amazing family meals in the kitchen of that yellow house.

Never in life have I felt as I did at Grandma's farm.  Grandma was the quintessential homemaker.  She loved and doted on her family.  She made an amazing, warm atmosphere at the farm that I'll cherish forever, that I long to create in my home for my loved ones. 

Grandma wasn't perfect, but she was special to me.  Always holding a positive light and attitude, she was special to everyone.

I have a bunch of copies to make of the picture I found, as so many long to have a copy of Grandma's painting.  For myself, I would like a larger print or possibly a canvas copy to hang in my home.  I would love to tell my children about their Great-Grandmother and my life growing up on her farm.

Saving Bacon Grease

In the south it is called "yellow gold".  I had never saved bacon grease until this year.  In fact, I believed that bacon was horrible for me.  While I'm not going to debate whether bacon is healthy or not, I'm leaning towards the healthier option.  

In my a quest to regain my health, one of the things I have learned is that low-fat diets can do a lot of damage.  One of the problems with low-fat diets is that the body stops absorbing certain vitamins efficiently.  Fat-soluble vitamins need FAT to be effectively absorbed into the intestines.  I have given myself permission to eat all the yummy foods that I avoided or chose the low-fat varieties for years...meats.  This includes (one of my favorites) BACON!

The occasional times I would eat real bacon, I would usually microwave it.  Occasionally I would fry it.  Then I would toss the grease in the garbage.  While I was doing my research into vitamin absorption I stumbled upon people who talked about saving their bacon grease.

I had never heard of this (total northern girl).  I didn't remember my grandmother saving her grease, but I'm told she did years ago.  Then she was told that it was unhealthy, so she stopped and switched to Crisco.  How sad, since Crisco is really a very unhealthy oil.

I dug out a jar and began saving my grease.  I've been doing so now for a few months.  I love it!

Bacon grease adds such incredible flavor to my foods!  I add a little to my veggies, fry my potatoes in it, and even add it to my meats.  Throw a little in the pan or the crock pot and the flavor enhances my dinners in ways simple seasonings don't.

I still use coconut oil and olive oil, but the bacon grease is much cheaper.  It costs me the price of my bacon.

Saving bacon grease is simple to do.  I simply fry my bacon as usual.  The bacon grease comes from the fat in the bacon.  As the fat heats up, it melts.

After I cook my bacon, I drain my grease from the pan into a heat-safe bowl to cool a little.  I don't like putting hot grease into a cold jar.  Sometimes I have to drain the grease a few times if I'm cooking a lot of bacon or if the bacon is extremely fatty.  I try to use bacon from farm pigs instead of store-bought bacon.  I feel the pork is a higher quality and more nutritious.

After my bacon cools a little (usually be the time I finish my breakfast) I get out my jar from the refrigerator that I use to store my grease.  Some people keep the grease in a jar or canister right on the stove.  I use the fridge so the grease doesn't go bad.  I hear the grease can sit out for LONG periods of time and be fine, but I would rather be safe.  Plus, the last thing my counters need is more clutter.

I then pour the grease into the jar, using a metal screen to catch and bacon bits.  Some just keep the bits in the grease.  Again, this is your preference.  If the grease goes bad, the bits are the first thing to go rancid.

After that, put a lid on the jar and store.  It's so easy !  

Homemaking Taken Seriously

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade.  Oh, I realize that God doesn't make mistakes.  And I love modern technology, such as ebooks and smart phones.  I do have a great love of the past though.

I'm not sure that times were necessarily simpler, as "The Good 'Ole Days" cliche seems to indicate.  I think we complicate our lives ourselves much of the time.  But I do think that there were values in the past that we've allowed to go by the wayside. 

For instance, working hard is no longer respected.  It used to be that a full days' work was respected, even if the man didn't earn a lot.  Character meant something, as did a man's word.  Now it is as if working hard means little, as so many would rather avoid hard work.  If you don't make big bucks, you aren't respected very well. That's just a fact.

It used to be that being a homemaker was respected as a noble choice.  Yes, careers for women weren't as open as they are now, but the belief system at the time was different.  Family was held in very high esteem.  It was seen as something that took work and needed time and attention.  Now, we don't even use the word "homemaker".  We are stay-at-home moms, domestic engineers, homeschool moms (for some of us), or sometimes...housewives.  Most of those terms are looked at in a derogatory manner in this day and age. 

Making a home a priority and sanctuary for our husbands, children, and even ourselves;&nbsp is no longer important to many.  The very fact that I stay home and teach my children myself makes feminists everywhere shudder.  It is assumed that I am wasting my intelligence, that I am doing nothing while home, and that I set women's rights back about 60 years.

I have been a stay-at-home mom for thirteen years.  I prefer the term "homemaker".  I see my home as a mission field, where I serve the Lord by serving my family and teaching my children about Christ.  We live simply and sacrifice greatly because it is important to us.  I've already had a career out in the business world.  I did that while my oldest girls were young.  I felt a sense of satisfaction from my work, but it never made up for what I missed in their lives as they sat at babysitters' homes for hours every day.

Posting about the joys of being a homemaker always draws sarcastic comments from others.  Single moms feel attacked because they have no choice but to work.  Working women feel you are attacking their choice to work.  But actually, I've been all of those women at one time or another in my life.  I am not judging other's choices.  Many have no choice.  Some wish they could be home, but simply can't.  Others have found creative ways to create warm, loving homes while still working. Staying home has not made life easier in some ways as the finances needed in today's world are based on two-income households.

All I know for sure is that making a home a wonderful place for my family can be  challenging.  It takes more creativity than I ever used in marketing while running a business. It takes the skills of a business manager to keep the house, schooling, and finances in order.  It takes more manual labor than setting up holiday displays in a retail store in the mall, and it takes more patience than customer service. 

I read recently that most married working moms often spend more to work than they make.  After gas, car maintenance, wardrobe, child care expenses, lunches, etc, the expenses exceed income.  That was initially one of the reasons I stayed home!  Nearly all of my check went to babysitters and gas expense...and the gas prices were much more affordable thirteen years ago!

Sometimes I forget, in the busyness of life, to really remember that being a homemaker is important.  It's not a choice that is popular.  It's easy to fall into a lack of contentment trap when money issues crop up or it seems as if everyone else has exciting lives and you are "just home with the kids". 

I must confess that recently that I was feeling discontent. Bills have been overwhelming, and prices just keep escalating.  I was beginning to feel quite frustrated because it is so difficult in this economy to cover essentials.  It's not as easy to just "cancel the satellite" or the "cell phones" because, in the middle of contracts, the break fees are outrageous and would only compound the problems. 

But, as I was praying one day, I felt at peace.  God placed me here for His purposes.  Before the day was over, I felt such peace over it all.  My creative juices got flowing a bit too! 

I've recently discovered a love of aprons after ruining a few shirts while cooking.  Sound silly?  Maybe, but there is something about putting in an apron that just makes me feel feminine.  If a business suit can boost a woman's confidence in the corporate world, an apron can have the same power in the realm of homemaker.  Or not...maybe I it's just my imagination taking flight from those creative juices.

The internet is loaded with creative ways to make your house a home, to save money, to add special touches to your environment, and whatever else you may need.  Pinterest is a new beloved favorite.  Making a home is challenging at times, but the fact that it is fulfilling as well send to be a secret lost over the last few decades.

A Renewed Vision

I have been a stay at home mom for over twelve years.  I have been a homeschool mom for four.  In all that time my husband and I have had many financial ups and downs.  We have had times of good pay and benefits, and times of unemployment.  It has been a challenge many times to continue to be a stay at home mom.  I know that God called me to be home.  I know that He called me to homeschool my children.  It isn't always easy.

There was a time when I was the career woman.  I managed businesses.  I was flown to other states for training.  I had a "professional" wardrobe.  I had traveled all over the United States.  I loved the adventure, craved the ambition, and swallowed the pain of missing my children as I dropped them off at the babysitter.

Knowing that I had the "potential" to make a certain amount of money a year, but feeling that God had told me to stay home, created in me a frustration when our finances were a struggle.  I honestly felt that, if God had called me to stay home, it shouldn't be such a challenge.  After all, I was being obedient!  Right?

Well, God doesn't always do things the way we think should be done.  In fact, I believe He rarely does.

I recently came across some articles and a book that have helped me to change my perspective.  First, I read the book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God.  The wonderful ladies that wrote this book are not of my denomination.  A few years ago, I would have gotten angry at the message they tried to share in this book.  After all, I had been a career woman.  I had gotten the college education and been the boss.  I had raised my older girls to be independent, so that they wouldn't find themselves like their mom did:  divorced by a man that left for another woman, broke, working at a minimum wage job, with children that needed stability in a world where their stability had been ripped away.  However, on the other end of the spectrum, after I remarried I found myself a stay-at-home mom.  I am the housewife that was criticized by other women, even Christian women, for staying at home when my husband and I hit financial struggles.  I am the only homeschooling mom in my church, and that can sometimes be a lonely place.  I am trying to do as God has called me, and even if this season of my life lasts another 12 years (till my youngest graduates), I will still have plenty of time left to work or go back to school or become a missionary to some foreign country or to help my daughters homeschool their children.

One quote that just floored my and brought such joy to my heart was this:  "Homemaking isn't about starched aprons, pearls, and high heels.  It's about doing the will of God even when the world scoffs.  It's about loving the high calling that God especially has given to women.  It's about learning to trust when circumstances would tell us to doubt and fear."

Passionate Housewives Desperate for God was uplifting and encouraging.  It showed me, for maybe the first time, was that my managerial skills are not only about coming up with the homeschool schedule.  It showed me that my job, as the manager of my home, was to make the dollars my husband makes stretch to provide.  That, just because I wasn't bringing in a paycheck, didn't mean that I couldn't put in a few hours a week to find ways to save money and cut corners whenever possible.

 I was researching money saving tips when I came across a blog series that was just awesome!  The Peaceful Mom wrote a blog series entitled Living on Less than $28,000 a Year.  While it is full of money saving tips, what struck me was that the author was very honest that it took her deciding that she couldn't look longingly back to the days when she was a career woman and money was more plentiful.  Her heart longed to be home with her children, and that meant sacrifice.  It meant working toward staying home, even when your husband makes what the United States Government states is poverty level.  She looked hard at every area and found ways to save, whether by consuming less or by planning more.

This then led me to the book Miserly Moms: Living Well on Less in a Tough Economy by Jonni McCoy.  So far, I am only on chapter 6.  This book seems to reinforce the same principle that, by staying home, I can use my managerial skills to find ways to cut costs and "trim the fat".

The truth is, for hundreds of years, women primarily stayed home.  Even during the Great Depression, women might bring in sewing, but the premise was that a woman stopped working and stayed home to manage the house once she got married.  Our culture has changed quite a bit since that time.  If a woman stays home now, she is made to feel as if she isn't using her gifts to their full capacity.  And yet, I've been challenged to use those very gifts that I used in a paying job, to ensure that I can continue to teach my children, be a homemaker, and follow what God has called me to do.

It is sad, in our culture, that even Christian women only feel free to follow what they believe Christ has called them to do as long as that calling is "professional" in its scope.  Meaning, if I was called as a Christian woman to be a worship leader, there are few that would have a problem with that (until they heard me sing, lol). If I was called to be a professional business woman or a doctor or an accountant, I would hear cheers going up from all around.  But, I am a homeschooling homemaker.  That job title has no pay, no vacation package, no title.  It is generally assumed to have no value.  The quote, "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." holds no meaning any longer to most mothers.  Staying at home is equated with unenlightened and old-fashioned.  It isn't equated with business man or educated teacher or gourmet chef.

And yet, I feel challenged now, encouraged, in a way I haven't been in a long time. I see that, to limit the meaning of my role is to say that God's plan has a flaw.  I thank God for leading me to the wonderful articles and books that have showed me that staying at home is not only okay, it is a job that, by looking at my work as for the Lord, will have eternal rewards.  He has renewed the vision of My Home Mission Field.

This Old House

All of my life, growing up, I moved around a lot.  I went to many schools.  I lived in apartments and houses.  The closest thing to permanent in my life was my Grandma's farm.  I loved it there.  When I got older, I traveled often, moving from state to state in the military lifestyle.  Again, there wasn't a permanent home.

I always dreamed of having a home of my own.  I wanted roots and permanency.  I wanted to have a place that didn't belong to a landlord.  I wanted to be able to paint the walls whatever color I desired, and to make lasting memories.  I longed for it deeply.

Then, I finally got it.  My husband and I bought our very first home eight years ago.  The first couple of years owning the home was interesting; Holidays in our new home, Fixing up our new home.  The house is over 100 years old, so it definitely needed some work.  It was a joy for us, even though my husband has never really taken a liking to carpentry work.  I even took the money I inherited from my grandmother, though it wasn't much, and bought drywall.

Then, the economy tanked.  My husband was laid off.  All the work on our home came to a sudden and complete stop.  Suddenly the things that needed fixed didn't seem like an adventure any longer, but a burden.  The plumbing kept messing up.  The payments were difficult to maintain on unemployment.

Gas prices shot up to double what they had been.  Living twenty minutes from my family and all the stores was no big deal when it cost me five bucks to get there.  When the priced jumped to ten and now nearly twelve dollars per trip, it suddenly was expensive to make more than a trip or two per week.  I had another baby, and everything cost more than I had dreamed.  My friends and family quit visiting me because most of them couldn't afford to come often.

What started as my dream being fulfilled, over the last few years, sometimes has felt like a prison.  I realized the other day that I needed to get my mind straight and start praying.  God has allowed us to keep this home, when all around us the banks were foreclosing on houses and they were sitting empty. Many times over the last few years, we almost lost our home.  We would get behind, and then have thousands to catch up on at tax time.

My husband found work at his old job for a lot less pay.  We hung on.  Now, after all of these years, he's still not making nearly what he was.  However, we keep holding on.  I ask God 'Why" often.  Why are we in this little town, with no store?  Why are we still in this house that needs work we can't afford to complete?

God finally told me last night to quit asking why, and to regain my dream.  You see, I had my prayer granted, a prayer I prayed before I truly came to Christ.  I got to have a home.  I have raised my children in this home for eight years.  I found Jesus in this home.  My husband and I have been through so many trials in this home, and yet we still have the home.

The home is over 100 years old.  It's a cinder-block two-story home.  I often think of all the decades this home stood, standing firm, through all of history's trials.  This house, built in 1908, has survived two World Wars.  It survived the Great Depression.  It survived the ups and downs of the previous owners. I has survived our family with our five daughters, all their friends, and our pets.  I stands still...  and I don't want it to be a prison.

I became a stay-at-home mom over twelve years ago.  Way back then, with only four daughters, I chose to stay home because the cost of childcare was often more than my paychecks.  My oldest was only eight at the time.  Time may have passed, but I still remember being a working mother.  I remember how my heart would ache as I dropped off a sobbing child with a sitter.  I remember the longing I would feel to grab my child, hold her in my arms, and take her back home.  I remember how I missed my little ones while I was waiting on customers.  I remember thinking that the whole career thing wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I had been told when I was younger.  Oh, there were perks, but they seemed so shallow compared to precious time with my children.

On the other hand, I often felt depressed as a stay at home mom.  Honestly, I was often treated like I was sitting on the couch, eating bonbons and watching television all day.  And, some days I did.  Other days I would take my children to the park, and feel utterly alone, craving adult conversation. My family wasn't around back in the 90s as I often lived out of state in that military lifestyle.  Most of my friends worked, and the support for stay at home moms just wasn't there.

When I chose to stay home full time twelve years ago, I wanted to create a home, even in that small apartment where we were living.  I put a lot of energy into giving my children a home.  I put a lot of time and attention into making memories.  We had the most fantastic birthdays and holiday celebrations.  The kids were still young, so we spent a lot of time doing whatever we could that was cheap.  Not working meant very few activities could cost a lot of money, but we did the best with what we had.  While I don't regret those times, I know now that even those times were lacking.  It all seemed shallow without Christ spreading His love in our adventures.  In fact, I let many of those activities and my children become idols.

Now, after the years of struggling, after two of my children are now grown, after finding Christ and knowing the fullness of His love, I have in my heart again the longing to create a home.  My questions still haven't been answered, but I can only do the best I can.  I have been called to homeschool my younger children.  I have been called to pray for and with my children.  I have been called to create a home for my family, a sanctuary for them to feel love, create memories, and learn about Christ and the world.

Many years ago, owning a home was something that meant so much.  People bought their homes for a lifetime, not for a few years.  Homes were where memories were made and stored.  Families longed for home ownership, and would stick it out through the tough times.  Families didn't get rid of an older home just to have bigger and newer.  Bigger and newer weren't always better.  Children may have had to share bedrooms, but they formed bonds with their siblings that are a lot more rare today.  It wasn't about having a bunch of stuff, but about being together, working together, laughing together, and worshiping together.

My 100 year old home is what it is.  There are many projects that need completed, and little finances to fund them.  And yet, there are tons of memories in this old home.  We may not be a traveling family having world adventures.  We may not be rich in money.  We may not have the newest or the prettiest.  Our vacations may be spent visiting family nearby or playing in the hose.  I am determined to enjoy the blessings God has given me anyway.  I am determined to make the best of whatever situation I find myself, being content with the love around me and the people that make a house a home.

Big Bake Day

Hours were spent today making homemade foods.  We got a freezer (finally) to replace the one that broke several months ago.  Now, I can finally bake and make homemade goods and have a place to store everything. 

For the first time ever I tried my hand at making homemade hamburger buns.  I got the recipe from Raising Olives.  I tried it out, and it was AMAZING!  My husband loved it!

So, I had all these homemade egg noodles drying on my dining room table, bread and hamburger buns cooling, and Tasha making bagels.  The house smelled wonderful!

I felt totally accomplished after working so hard to get some food stocked away in the freezer.  I'll probably need another day or two of baking to get totally where I want to be.  With the oppressive heat, I haven't been baking much at all.  In fact, we've had to buy bread a few times because it was just too hot to make any.  Today was a little cooler, but I turned up the air conditioning anyway.  I knew I had better take advantage of the baking time while I had it.

Step One to Simplifying: Get Rid Of Excess

No, this isn't a picture of a hoarder's home.  This is our dining room at the present moment.  We are preparing for a yard sale.  In my quest to simplify, I thought that our town's city-wide yard sale days would be the perfect time to unload some of our stuff.  I put Tasha in charge, telling her she can keep the money as long as she tithes on it.

I had all these tubs filled with clothes for my girls.  It was storage for the next several sizes up.  (Yes, I'm a pack-rat.)  But, lately, I have felt God impress upon me to release this stuff.  I've kept a couple sizes up for her, but am going to sell, donate, or throw away the rest.  God has always provided.  While I may plan for a season or two ahead, I really don't need to hold onto clothes for years and years.  It just creates clutter.  If all my children were close in age, then maybe it would make more sense.  However, my children range from 19 down to 4.  It is just too much!

With the economy being low, it is tempting to cling to things "just in case" we might need them.  But, instead, I've made the decision to trust God to provide.  He's told me to simplify, not to hoard.  He's told me to bless others and to give away, not to be selfish.  So, that is what I am doing.  

Now, I am just praying God lets the weather cooperate so that we can have a successful sale.

A Medieval Feast

Okay, we didn't follow the directions exactly for the medieval feast Laura helped prepare this week.  For one, we used silverware.  We did have a good time though.  Laura prepared her trenchers, and daddy liked them with the stew.

The stew was beef and made in a crock pot.  Not exactly authentic either, but we enjoyed ourselves anyway.  It was a fun experience for Laura to help prepare a meal for her family.  It went along with her history study of medieval times.  We planned out what to eat.  Laura did a great job of explaining to everyone what and how people ate during the time period... and all the things we did that weren't how it would have been done then.  Overall, though, it was a fun and filling meal.

Back to Homemade Laundry Soap

I had stopped making homemade laundry detergent for awhile.  First we had a plumbing issue and my husband was concerned that the ingredients in my detergent were part of the culprit.  Then, I just had a difficult time finding the actual ingredients  The Fels-Naptha soap and the Arm and Hammer Washing Soda were nearly impossible to find in my area.  I had searched everywhere... or so I thought.  I looked at the prices online, but shipping was ridiculous.  For that price I could use Tide.

Then I read that ACE Hardware had the supplies.  The nearest ACE is about 45 minutes away.  I made the trip to do some other shopping and decided to check it out.  Sure enough, the supplies were there as well as a recipe is the customer needed one.  I actually found the Fels-Naptha and the Washing Soda.  So I bought a couple boxes of washing soda and a few bars of the soap and some Borax.  It was time to begin again.

I made my laundry soap.  I'll be honest, it felt right.  Tide, which is my favorite laundry soap other than homemade, was costing me a lot of money to take care of my large family.  I also LOVE Fels Naptha.  The other soaps I have used, including Zote, don't smell as nice at all.  As for cleaning ability, I did a few loads and I can't tell the difference between Tide and Fels Naptha.  They both seem to clean really well.

In the name of convenience, we will buy commercial laundry soap that costs fifteen times more.  Now that I have found the correct ingredients instead of substitutes for the washing soda and Fels Naptha, I don't think I'll use anything else.  I did add some of the Tide I had to the homemade Laundry Detergent, and it added a nice smell.  However, the Fels Naptha smells so wonderful that once my store bought stuff is gone I won't need to do that again.

For Such a Time As This

I recently read a couple books by Terri Blackstock.  While she is new to me, I was intrigued by her Last Light novels.  I read the first one... and the last one (Dawn's Light) because those are the two my library carried.

The premise of the novel, Last Light, is a Christian family gets stuck in the middle of chaos as the world is cast into a technological dark age.  Not sure why at first, all technology ceases to work.  Planes crash, cars quit working, cell phones die... in fact all electronic and motorized equipment stops working entirely.  Not even generators will turn on.

I enjoyed the novels.  They were actually quite entertaining and made me contemplate my own reactions in the same situation.  I've felt a little like that family in the story recently.  No television, my dryer quit working, my Ipod broke.  While a long way from having no machines at all, I have learned first hand just how much work can be involved when the technology we have come to count on quits.

Well, for me, the stress level recently for me had gotten way too high.  I spent two weeks with a sinus infection that even spread to my eyes.  I couldn't see very well.  I felt horrible.  The last thing I should have been doing was going outside in the chilly fall weather to hang clothes up to dry... especially for my large family.  However, I did... and ended up more sick than I started.  I just couldn't seem to get well.

My husband took me to the doctor, then we made our way to buy a dryer.  We'll be paying for her for awhile.  Normally it goes against everything in me to create more bills.  However, I can't risk my health.   The stress alone of taking care of five children, running two ministries, homeschooling, and attempting to care for my home had me at a very bad point physically, mentally, and spiritually.  For an early Christmas present, we bought a dishwasher too.

I am praying that financially we can pull through for a couple months until we can pay off some of our debt with our tax return.  I struggled with acquiring any new debt, but my health has taken hit after hit recently.  I don't mind hanging up clothes to save money, but I can't always get all of them hung up and dried quickly enough. Towels and jeans were a nightmare. 

I prayed about it.  Yes, we will have to sacrifice some of the other things we might want for awhile.  However, I have decided that I'm going to embrace some of the technology that helps make my life a little easier.  A dishwasher with a large family is wonderful.  Dishes and Laundry are my two most time consuming chores.  The new dryer has been a godsend in the couple days we have had it. 

I enjoy hanging clothes on the line in nice weather.  I don't even mind using a drying rack in the house here and there.  However, a dryer helps majorly. 

I have been so tired lately.  Keeping up has been difficult.  I have felt like my home isn't a sanctuary.   In fact, it has felt like a prison.  God put me on this earth at a time when technology has the potential of making life much simpler.  Used wisely, and with balance, technology can be a genuine asset.  Used unwisely, it can lead to more stress.

One thing that happened in the books Last Light and Dawn's Light is that, without the technology, the family had to pull together.  They had to work together to get things accomplished and to just survive.   Their relationships with each other and with Jesus deepened.  Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

It would be possible if the lack of technology effected the entire family.  In my case, it mostly just caused my workload to be greater.  Exhaustion set in and I was not in good shape.  However, I should clarify that it wasn't just the lack of a dryer that made things tough.  My schedule and commitments have been getting to me for awhile.  I'm trying to fix that too, but that situation is more complicated.

I still have one dose of antibiotics to take.  I am slowly feeling better, though I am still a bit tired.  I am praying that some rest and some vitamins will help my health and energy to improve.  I am also praying that, now that I have some mechanical help with chores, I can find time to make my house a home again.

A New Skill

Laura's sister, Tasha, decided to teach Laura crocheting with the little wheel.  Laura loves it.  She has started making a scarf for her Great-Grandmother.  This is definitely a skill that is teaching Laura patience.  She may mess up, and have to take out a bunch of the work she has already done.  Yet, she keeps plugging away. 

Alone

I pray to you, O Lord, my rock.
     Do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you are silent,
      I might as well give up and die.
Listen to my prayer for mercy
      as I cry out to you for help,
      as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary.
                  Psalm 28:1-2



Sometimes I just have to leave things in the hands of God.  I get tired.  I get tired in my own strength trying to do it all and do so much.  I get tired of hoping that my children will love Christ the way I long for them too.  I get tired of teaching and planning and working only to feel unappreciated.  I get tired of my home not being enough when it is my calling to serve here.  I get tired of the attitudes aimed at me. I get tired of sacrificing, going without new clothes or anything nice, so that I can afford to homeschool.  I get tired of feeling alone as friends have walked away, family just doesn't get it,  and my children seem to want something that I can't seem to give them despite my best efforts.  I get tired of wondering if anyone out there shares any of my vision, other than a few random people on the internet.  I get tired.

God's burden is supposed to be easy.  Sometimes it doesn't feel easy.  Sometimes it felt easier when all the kids were in public school and I could think of myself during the day.  It felt easier when I had time to clean my home... or to go out and earn a paycheck.  It felt easier.

I'm trying to be obedient, Lord, I really am.  All I can do is hand this all to you:  My daughters, homeschooling, this home, our finances, ministry, all of it.  I am one person.  I can't do any of this without you Lord.  Jesus, you called me to this, you have to enable me to accomplish what you wish.  I can't do this alone.  I can't be the wife, the mother, the teacher, the homemaker, or anything that you've called me to without you.

Thank you Jesus.

Menu Planning and the Dead Freezer

I had a plan that was working.  I would, once a month, go and stock up on meats and frozen food items.  It saved me money by buying in bulk.  I nearly always had enough to last my large family for an entire month.  That changed last week.

Our freezer broke down.  Unfortunately, it isn't fixable.  For us, this is the second freezer in five years that has stopped working.  Frantically, we took a months worth of food and put what we could where we could.  Our poor refrigerator freezer was full.  We took food to my sister's house to store in her freezer.  We began to eat frozen items first before canned or anything else.

This unfortunate event changes the way I have to buy.  No longer, at least until I can get another freezer, will I be able to stock up on frozen foods or meats.  I am back to having to buy once every week or two.  Unfortunately, this isn't as conducive to finding the best prices and good deals.

I've decided that, due to this, I'm going to have to plan better.  Usually, I base my meals on what is in my freezer from what I have stocked up on.  Now, I'm going to have to pay closer attention to the sale ads.  I usually find that buying in bulk is a better deal than sales, but I don't really have the freezer room to buy twenty pounds of hamburger or ten chickens at a time now.  Hopefully God will bless us with a good deal on a freezer some time in the near future.

Starting Chores Over

"In our culture, with its “let children be children philosophy,” it is easy to believe we are doing our children a disservice by expecting them to have responsibility as they are growing up. In reality, the opposite is true. If we choose not to give our children chores and teach them to accomplish them well, we are handicapping our children for their futures as adults. There are a multitude of long-term benefits our children will realize from the disciplines and skills they will develop as a result of chore responsibilities."   -Terri Maxwell, Mom's Corner, August 2005

I have been reading some of Teri Maxwell's writing and articles from her website Titus2.com.  I just recently purchased a book by her that I am looking forward to reading and am hoping is shipped quickly.  I have scoured the web looking for some inspiration for homeschooling and for my home being my ministry and my mission field.  I know this is where God has placed me, I just like to read and hear from others with the same or similar callings. 

I read an article about children and chores written by Mrs. Maxwell, and I realized how badly I have been in this area.  I am far from consistent.  In fact, the stress level of the entire house and all five children (plus the husband) is usually on me alone.  I don't react well when I am stressed.  I let anger build and I either snap or just let things slide that shouldn't slide.

I know, deep in my heart, that chores are important.  I also know that I myself haven't been the best example.  I often feel like I am going 100 mph just trying to do all the different things that need done or that I want done.   I feel I have added quite a bit of work so we can save money.  I've added a garden.  I line dry clothes.  I plan to can the harvest of my garden.  More and more, to save money, I find myself busier and busier.  I desperately want a dishwasher cause dishes seem to be my nemesis.  They are always there.  I can wash and wash, and I'll move on to another task.  When I return, more dishes are back in the sink.  I could spend all day doing nothing but dishes and laundry, and still never be done!


I've come to the conclusion that, for my sanity, the children have to take more responsibility.  I can not homeschool and do ministry at church if I don't get more help in my home.  I have accepted that I am not Superwoman.  I am not doing my children any favors by allowing them to go visit with friends and play on the computer and watch movies, even acceptable movies, if they don't know how to work.


Chore lists haven't worked for me in the past.  We begin them, but then life gets in the way.  I am not consistent.  I take the blame for this.  Luckily for me the Lord is a Lord of new mercies every day.  I can begin again.  My first step is to pray.  In my own strength I will fail every time.