Alone

I pray to you, O Lord, my rock.
     Do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you are silent,
      I might as well give up and die.
Listen to my prayer for mercy
      as I cry out to you for help,
      as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary.
                  Psalm 28:1-2



Sometimes I just have to leave things in the hands of God.  I get tired.  I get tired in my own strength trying to do it all and do so much.  I get tired of hoping that my children will love Christ the way I long for them too.  I get tired of teaching and planning and working only to feel unappreciated.  I get tired of my home not being enough when it is my calling to serve here.  I get tired of the attitudes aimed at me. I get tired of sacrificing, going without new clothes or anything nice, so that I can afford to homeschool.  I get tired of feeling alone as friends have walked away, family just doesn't get it,  and my children seem to want something that I can't seem to give them despite my best efforts.  I get tired of wondering if anyone out there shares any of my vision, other than a few random people on the internet.  I get tired.

God's burden is supposed to be easy.  Sometimes it doesn't feel easy.  Sometimes it felt easier when all the kids were in public school and I could think of myself during the day.  It felt easier when I had time to clean my home... or to go out and earn a paycheck.  It felt easier.

I'm trying to be obedient, Lord, I really am.  All I can do is hand this all to you:  My daughters, homeschooling, this home, our finances, ministry, all of it.  I am one person.  I can't do any of this without you Lord.  Jesus, you called me to this, you have to enable me to accomplish what you wish.  I can't do this alone.  I can't be the wife, the mother, the teacher, the homemaker, or anything that you've called me to without you.

Thank you Jesus.