Thankful For the Tough Times

 This year has been challenging, and it has been challenging for so many.  Some have faced a virus that has taken lives.  Others have been hit so hard by financial difficulties that they are losing or on the verge of losing all they spent years working to build.

My family faced Covid as one after the other were exposed.  The range of severity went from children with no symptoms to ER visits and weeks of recovery.  We were fortunate because there hasn’t been loss of life in our immediate family to this point.  

And yet, I still feel that the extreme measures to contain the virus are a violation of basic rights and civil liberties.  After all, if I can go to Walmart with a mask and see the workers not even wearing them correctly, touch items touched by a hundred others, and stand in a thirty minute line because the store only has one cashier open, I think I can go to church. 

We have kept up with school even in the midst of quarantine and Covid exposure and illness because my daughter was one of the lucky ones that never experienced a symptom...  despite sharing a room with an older sister that got very ill and taking care of me during my most challenging days with this illness.  My thirteen year old is independent in most of her work.  I like to be heavily involved in some subjects, but there is a difference between “needing” me and “benefitting” from working together. 

Our finances have been equally challenged this year.  We have had steady income, but it has been significantly reduced.  I read that up to one-third of all Americans are facing eviction or foreclosure.  We are not in that category, so I consider us blessed. 

But it has changed some things in our home and education.  I had to rework school when the budget became much more strict and I couldn’t afford to purchase what I thought we needed.  The lines between want and need became much less blurred.

There was a saying that developed during The Great Depression that said, “Use it Up, Wear it Out, Make it do, Or do without!” This is our family right now.  The expensive, full-color notebooking pages can be replaced with cheaper, black and white print-outs. We don’t need the best materials to get a quality, God-filled education.  In fact, it might just contribute to creativity.  

This isn’t the first time that I have had to evaluate what we are using and set priorities.  When I had several students in my homeschool, similar choices had to be made.  Over the years I had gotten comfortable with spending more.  I had become complacent in our finances. Now I know that I wasn’t careful and it has caught up to me. 

I steered away from a lot of consumable items in our homeschool, though we do have some.  Those consumable items have now become a point of stress when the funds aren’t there to purchase the next level.  The money to buy them at this time just isn’t there. And, after months and months of cut income, I don’t feel guilty about this.  The reality for millions of Americans is much more dire, so I am thankful for what we have.

I have a library card, those non-consumable materials, and internet connection.  Restructuring our school is not what I anticipated when I could confidently purchase needed items without a blink.  And yet, restructuring is what needed to happen.  Ironically, my daughter likes the simpler materials better.

I have learned that I had stopped being a good steward of what God has given us.  I am thankful for that lesson.  Being sick and having our finances significantly impacted has been tough, but it reminded  me of the lessons that I once knew, but forgot in health and prosperity.  God’s lessons are not just for a season, but a lifelong plan.  It is in the healthy and prosperous times that we are store up for the other times.

This Thanksgiving looks different than previous years.  We aren’t getting together with extended family.  Our counties have been hit hard by Covid and those that haven’t been exposed don’t want to risk illness.  I don’t blame them.  I still get to gather with my children and grandchildren.  I still get to enjoy my family, even if it is a bit less than normal.  I will count my blessings, not focus on the trials. 

Most see 2020 as the worst year.  I agree it has been tough.  I pray it might be looked at not as the worst year, but the year in which God taught the best, most life-changing lessons.  I pray that we see what we took for granted in the past: gathering together with family, income we could count on, health, going to church, hanging out with friends, running our businesses.  I pray that we learn that those things are blessings from God that we should cherish and never, ever, ever take them for granted again. 

Count your blessings.  

Men... You Matter

When a mother comes to Christ, her family will join her at church only 17% of the time; but when a father comes to Christ, his family joins him 93% of the time (WACMM)

I can’t get past this statistic.  This morning I was listening to a pastor on Facebook live as he told the story of a young father that had hated God.  This young father had mocked God.  But, like Saul on the road to Damascus, God had other plans.  This young man was saved, baptized, and filled with the Holy Spirit in moments.  The story then reveals that this young man and his girlfriend, already having had children together, decided to marry. 

In a world where men are too often seen as unimportant, the statistic above and the Word of God reveal this to be untrue.  They are important and, by serving God, can impact eternity.

Why does a man’s family join him at church 93% of the time? Why is it that when a woman attends the percent is only 17%?  

The answer seems unfair and sexist, but the reality is unchanged.  When a man is sold out for Christ, his entire family is changed.  When a woman is sold out for Christ, she then begins an uphill battle for the souls of her family.

Millions have beat the statistics. Millions of godly women have led the way for their families.  They have seen their children find and follow Jesus.  It is far from impossible.  It is simply much more challenging. 

The Bible knows that a spouse can have an impact.  In 1 Corinthians it states:

“Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The verse doesn’t state just how challenging it can be to have a spouse that isn’t following Christ.  And while ladies want to believe we can conquer the world, statistically, the journey to lead even our own children to serve Jesus with their lives without a husband to partner with us is not an easy path.

I saw this first hand in my own life.  It was during a very dark time in my marriage that my husband turned to Jesus.  He actually turned to his dad.  But his daddy was a pastor and, with the help of a second pastor, my husband turned to Jesus.  

I had not witnessed a lot of positive Christianity up till that point.  My grandma had been a beautiful woman of God, but I had also seen cliques and bullying, been treated harshly by Christian family when I had been an unwed teenager, and had a bitter taste in my mouth about Christians. I was hesitant about the decision to follow Christ that my husband had made.  

I didn’t have a bitter taste about Christ, however.  And when my husband began to go to church, I joined him. Soon, I had given my heart to Jesus and our family was changed.  For many years, as we started as baby Christians and grew and learned, I didn’t stop to consider how it could all change. 

When a dark time came upon our family once again (they come on us all), we left church.  I went back after a few weeks, feeling a conviction that my youngest daughter needed to be in church. But convincing the husband to come at that time was a point of contention.  He didn’t want to be there.  He had closed out the voice of God after a few difficult years and circumstances that had left us both broken and shattered. 

My going back to church didn’t change my husband’s mind. Our daughter crying for daddy to come didn’t alter his resolve to not go.  It took a long time.  It took the prayers of a church.  It took another Godly man coming alongside my husband to encourage him to break that apathy. 

None of this happened within a couple weeks.  The slide to apathy and the climb out took years.  Jesus has done an amazing work in my husband over the last 18 or so months.   He is a new man, different even from the man he was when he first followed the Lord in newbie excitement.  His walk with Christ is now not simply based on circumstances; for we have learned that circumstances will rip us apart from the heart of God and send us spiraling into a dark abyss without a relationship based on much more than what is happening in our lives or how we feel.

The contrast is stark between the man he was and the man God is making him.  He knew he was called to ministry years ago, but when life knocked him down, he ran away from that call. I think back to those dark times and how broken I was.  I remember crying all the way to church, trying to hide my tears from my daughter.  I remember feeling like I was carrying the weight of the world, taking her to church alone, feeling like I needed a partner to raise her for Christ.  I didn’t want to do it alone!

And yet, every week, I see other women fighting that same battle.  I see them coming to church, children (or grandchildren) in tow, praying and praising God despite the fact that they are doing it alone.  Some are single moms, clinging to Jesus to get them through the struggles of single parenting.  Some stick.  Many more decide that it’s too hard, and they leave church and a relationship with Jesus just to not have to feel that overwhelming struggle to do it alone.  

Others are married but their husbands aren’t saved, or come to church occasionally.  I know of many women that were saved after they had gotten married.  The deepest desire of their heart is for their husband to give his life to Christ.  I know their hearts.  I know they are praying for the man they love to be a spiritual partner in life.  I know they crave the companionship of a man that will pray with them, pray for them, and help raise their children to love the Lord.  These women are determined to beat the statistics, but they know their husband at their side would change the entire dynamic of their family.

Our culture is one that says following Jesus is unimportant.  When a woman gives her heart to the Lord, and does her best to raise her children for the Lord, she is already fighting a culture that demeans her efforts. When she goes home and, instead of finding support and encouragement, finds she must also battle her husband to change her family, she is fighting a tough battle indeed. 

I didn’t want to have to beat the odds.  I knew what it was like to have that husband by my side serving the Lord.  I took my daughter to church and did my best, but beating the odds wasn’t the cry of my heart.  The cry of my heart was for my husband to be by my side.  

Men, you matter.  You matter to the wives and children in your life.  You can change your family for eternity.  You can be an example for your children, your grandchildren, and even those other kids that witness a man of God being active in his relationship with the Lord.  

Our culture demeans the importance of men and their influence in their children’s lives.  Yes, there have been bad apples.  Yes, there have been abuses.  However, the statistics clearly reveal that men, when they serve Jesus with clean hearts and a deep love for their Creator, bring their family alongside them 93% of the time!

Ninety-three percent!!!

Consider the average two-child family.  For every 100 men that serve the Lord and take their family to church, that is 186 children that are being raised in Christ.  For true believers, Jesus isn’t just a church experience, but impacts home and work.  Those children see Jesus in their home as well as at church.  

It was during the dark times when we stumbled in our faith and my husband’s apathy grew that one of our children went from a believer to a prodigal.  I don’t believe God is done, but I know that our actions at the time contributed.  It was easy to see how moms serving Christ without the support of her husband are going to struggle to keep their children in the faith.  After all, more is caught than taught.  Even as a homeschool mom, where Christian principles and the Word of God was part of our daily lives, the example set was poor.  We were a divided home, and I was so heartbroken and defeated so much of the time that I didn’t hold up well. I made so many mistakes in fear and anger and grief. 

I’m not living in blame or failure.  God has forgiven our actions of that time.  We faced some circumstances and situations that Left us reeling and stripped bare.  I am so thankful to the Lord for drawing us back.  He truly has healed some circumstances that I wasn’t sure we would survive. He restored our faith, our hearts, and placed us on ground that wasn’t solid in the past. If He wasn’t done with us, I have to believe He isn’t down with our prodigal.

There will always be those outliers in the statistics.  There will be women that raise world-changers for the Lord without a spouse by their side.  There will be men that go to church alone, without the support of their spouse. And there will be those children that walk away from the Lord despite parents that love Him and serve Him faithfully. But statistically, the odds are strong that families, churches, and eternity will be impacted by men that trust in the Lord and take their families to church.  

Please be that man.  We are fighting a war that is just as spiritual as physical.  Satan knows that if he wants to destroy what Christ is doing in the world, he can discourage the men first.  He can make them too busy, too distracted, too angry, too apathetic...  anything to keep them from taking their family to church and serving the Lord in his home.  He knows the battle is much more difficult for everyone else if he bombards men.  Satan targets all Christians because he targets those anointed and being remade in the image of Christ.  But he gains a much easier victory when he goes after the husbands and fathers.  

Ladies, if your spouse has walked away, or has never been a Christian, or if you are a single mom trying to raise your children for Jesus against what feels like impossible odds, know you don’t battle alone.  I pray every woman feeling discouraged will know she isn’t alone, that God walked with her even when she cannot see.  He has a plan.  Keep praying.  Keep trusting.  Keep loving.  Keep serving.  Don’t give up!  When you are crying over Scriptures, know the promises are for you.  When you are praying through fear and discouragement, know your prayers are heard and there is a battle going on that may not be apparent in the physical realm.  Surround yourself with other believers that will join you in prayer to battle for your family.  Keep going.  God is faithful and, even if it feels like it will never happen, He is still working. 

Hidden in Him

Corona...  Covid-19...  Like millions of others, this plague with its shutdowns and quarantines has hurt our finances.  Unlike many, we still have an income. So, I consider ourselves blessed.

But we have lost some of what we had counted on.  Who could know we would lose up to a few hundred a month?  Who knew the loss would not just be for a few weeks but stretch on and on, month after month?

I struggle in my spirit during some trials.  Challenging times in our finances is one of them.  I get frustrated when trying to budget and balance and the money isn’t there.  I fight fear when I see the bills and know the income barely covers, or doesn’t cover. 

The Lord has been doing such incredible things over the last few months, however.  I have been so in awe of the things He has done in other areas that, while the concern for finances is still there in my prayers, I can’t separate what God is doing in other areas from finances.

Practically, this impacts our homeschool.  It means slowing down on a few things we are working through, supplementing with materials we already have or free materials online, because the finances aren’t there to cover even the few things I need to purchase.  

And yet, even here, God has provided.  A quick trip to a  resale shop...  a bag of books for $3... some books that I had on my shelves I had forgotten about...  all ways God has provided in just the last few weeks. 

Other ways have been provided that I couldn’t have imagined.  We had a conference we had signed up to attend, that I knew God wanted us to attend.  This conference proved to be pivotal in our family.  What God did in that conference in our family was the answer to years of prayers.  And yet, the finances weren’t there.  Somehow, God provided them.  He made a way through His people.

After the conference, I have felt led to fast all but one meal a day...  fasting for spiritual breakthrough for our finances and any other areas of strongholds.  Finances have always been an area of struggle for our family.  We have five children, and while four are now grown, raising five children on one income was so difficult.  I could stretch a dollar farther than it seemed possible just to get us through.  In recent years, as children moved out and began their own families and lives, finances weren’t as tight.  That led to me spending more than I would have considered in the past.  I had stopped practicing good stewardship the way I had in the past.  This time of less income made me remember that those principles are just as important in the more prosperous times as in the tougher times. 

God still provides. Little things have happened.  It hasn’t been anything big in our finances yet, but those little things have occurred that bring small provision: a payment reduced, a part of a deposit returned, warmer weather to keep us from having to turn on the heat, a daughter that was able to find employment she loves so she can contribute.  Those little things that remind me that God is in the littlest areas. 

 The fast for financial breakthrough is impacting other areas of life.  Relationships are being restored.  Old wounds are being healed.  My relationship with the Lord is somehow deeper.  I feel it’s a time of waiting, of absorbing and preparing.  In the past I might have felt a little forgotten, as if the struggle meant that God had abandoned me.  But now I feel hidden, not from Him, but by Him.  Hidden in Him...  sheltered by Him...  studying, waiting for finances for the next step, praying like I never have before for His presence to be with me, to guide me, to fill me and my home.

I’m so flawed.  I mess up so often.  I doubt some days.  I cry. 

Every night, when the house grows quiet, I attempt to go outside and, in the stillness of the night, spend a dedicated time with Jesus.  I like to walk when I pray.  And so, I walk around my home, praying as I go.  I pray in the Spirit.  I sometimes sing quietly.  I pour out my heart and gives my cares to the Lord.  I am so often reminded of His faithfulness in that time.  I feel that protective shelter.  My husband fears I am walking a path into the grass, which frustrates his landscaping heart; but this time has become special to me.  I’ve always been more of a night owl than a morning bird. 

During the day, with a one year old grandson and homeschooling and bouts of insomnia, I don’t have as much available time for prayer.  And to be honest, my mind in the morning is focused on what all needs to be accomplished for the day.  In the evening, I can focus better. 

I still battle trepidation over our finances.  I shouldn’t, but I must confess that I do.  I keep tithing, keep giving, because I know this may feel like a battle in my life but it is actually a spiritual battle.  It is a way for Satan to bring doubt of God’s goodness and provision.  It is a way to try to stop ministry. It’s an attempt to derail what God has planned for my family, my children, and me. 

Being hidden in Him is a place of safety.  Being hidden in Him as we walk by faith and not by sight allows those steps to be taken with quiet anticipation.  In fear, I would be tempted to take my own actions, which never goes well, or to give up.  I will take being hidden in God over my own great ideas or public platitudes any day. 

I want to learn the lessons well.  I want to pass the tests and bless the heart of my Father.  I want to spend this time, not as a time when I am on an emotional roller coaster of fears and doubts, but a time when I can find Him.  Please Lord...  pull me ever closer. 

 

Harmonize

 

Over the years, with five daughters, I have learned that each one is different.  They have different talents, different interests, and different personalities.  So often, these differences can bring conflict.  I try to respect the differences that God placed in my children.  The world would be a boring place if God hadn’t placed within it a beautiful variety.  

I think this variety shows Him in many ways.   He understands the extroverts and the introverts.  He understands the spontaneous and the planner.  He is a God of order, and those that love order and are analytical have a special place in his heart.  And yet those that are drawn to the artistic, to the beauty He placed in the world, He fulfills their desires with every sunset-painted sky and lyric of song.

Appreciating differences becomes easier when we understand that God gave the wondrous spectrums as a way to show Him, a God that isn’t limited by our classifications and boxes.  This is why He is able to break down prejudices.  He is a God that understands women and men.  He doesn’t see the amount of melanin in a person as a deciding factor on if they are worthy of His love.  It’s just melanin...  just another beautiful work of His creation showing His variety.

Perhaps these explanations are trite answers for complex problems storming the world today, but sometimes simplicity is best. 

Sometimes it isn’t the differences that bring conflict.  It’s the similarities.  We tend to naturally gravitate toward those with whom we share common ground.  We make friends in our age group.  We bond over shared interests.  We join clubs and Facebook groups to find others that share our passions or our struggles.  We laugh over shared memories.  

But sometimes common ground or interests can bring division.  Last weekend three of my daughters sat on my back porch and sang worship together.  It was, for me, so beautiful to hear and see.  I have some talented daughters and have watched over the years as they grew in their individual relationships with God.  With fifteen years difference between the oldest and youngest, to see them sing together simply tugs at my heart.  

It would be easy for them to feel as if there was competition between them.  And that is the danger, isn’t it?  Similar interests become an area where other people and Satan can compare and contrast, leaving those that share the interest feel like they must compete or are less than or greater than.  

Amidst the shared interest, there exists variety.  My daughters are very different in their personalities and in their singing.  Perhaps that is why they blend so well.  They have learned to harmonize with others, not just sing for themselves.  It’s easy to sing a song alone.  It’s much more difficult to find a harmony and make it beautiful.  I pray none of my daughters ever feel as if they have to compete with each other.  I pray they always find the harmony, some leading this verse or that, some singing more softly or in a higher key.  

Harmony in life is difficult.  There are many people that contribute to disharmony, that stoke the fires of competition by comparing and measuring the worth of someone based on their own ridiculous measures, such as experience or personal preferences.  

It is here, in these shared passions, where sibling rivalry (or friend rivalry, work rivalry, etc) can destroy relationships.  No one wants to feel that their individuality is lost because they share a passion or talent with someone else.  But even more, no one wants to feel as if something they love is a competition and has some relevance to their value as a person.

Nothing is more devastating to a person’s self worth than to constantly feel compared.  Comparison is a thief of joy always.  When we do it to ourselves, it can be paralyzing.  When others do it to us, it can destroy everything in a person.  

There are likes and dislikes.  People have opinions, of course, that they often too freely share without regard for others. As a mom, I want my children to be all that God made them to be...  and that should NEVER take away from who God made someone else to be.  

We often can say that one is good at business and the other at the arts and respect the differences.  It is equally or perhaps more important to make sure each one knows that their shared interests or talents are still uniquely special.  No child (or adult, for that matter) should ever feel they can’t do something they love  because someone else is told they do it better. 

Instead, there should be harmony.  Harmony is much more challenging to achieve than individual glory.  

I gave up an interest of mine for many years because someone else shared it and I was compared and found lacking.  The comparisons still occur and I have to purpose in my mind and heart not to let them tear me down or take me away from something I love.  I have to choose to not allow those comparisons to make their way into my own thoughts.  I would rather I could give up my love of my interest and follow a completely different path just to feel that I had something that is mine alone, and not feel as if I am constantly in a competition I never asked to enter.

Ironically, interests are often shared in families.  Like eye color and height, I believe many interests stem from genetics passed down from parents.  This is why we see families of doctors or police officers, families in acting, families of artists. The stage is set in every family with more than one child for an area where comparison could be a temptation. 

There are no winners in comparing children.  There is only the setting of an atmosphere to create storm after storm.  There is only damage that comes from comparison.  Harmony is lost and is difficult to regain. Relationships are damaged.  It’s dysfunctional, and yet so many see it as normal.

I pray my daughters sing together for a lifetime, each secure in the knowledge that they are loved for the unique person God made them to be, valuable inherent because they are children of God.  I pray they can be themselves.  If who they are means they share interests, great!  

Harmonize, my girls.    

 

Tent Revival

 It was a busy weekend as our church held revival services with another local church.   We held the services on a local farm.  There is something unique that not only honors moves of God from the past but also ushers in what He is doing today like a good ole tent revival. 

I was honored to speak on a panel.  My topic was women in ministry.  Tackling a topic seen as controversial, even in today’s world, was an honor.  I pray I handled it with grace and wisdom.

It was an incredible weekend of worship, prayer, and the Holy Spirit ministering to and flooding our lives and hearts.  My family loved helping out, being a part.  We also loved allowing God to shape us during this time in our world.  

My youngest getting baptized by her father was the highlight of the weekend for me.  It was such a beautiful thing to see! 

Praising the King of Kings

Music...  it has its own language.  Music works both sides of the brain at the same time.  It reaches into the center of us and grabs hold of us.

Quarantine church worship

My family loves music.  A radio seemed to be always playing through the years.  And even better, most of our family members enjoy singing.  Many play instruments.  Four of my girls have taken piano lessons.  Music brings a lot of joy to our family.

Most of my daughters have used that love of music to worship Jesus.  When I hear them sing or play, it thrills me.  My husband is a bass player, and he loves to join in playing with his girls. 

Ironically, we don't consider ourselves a family that strives to great musical ambition. My husband has been is many bands and loves to play for others.  My oldest daughter studied music in college, gaining a firm footing in theory.  Their experience helps the others that might not have the same background.  She also is a worship leader at her church, leading many to enter into the presence of God.  She loves encouraging others.

My middle daughter, Jasmine, took piano lessons for a couple years in high school, but got very nervous playing in front of people.  A few months ago the piano player for our church moved.  My daughter knew we needed a piano player, so she picked it back up.  In just a few months she has done so well.  And, though she still gets nervous, she knows she is playing for the Lord.

Our youngest daughter loves to sing.  She has taken piano lessons, but that isn't her passion right now.  She sings on the worship team and is maturing in her faith.  This child, like her oldest sister, has to sing.  It is as much a part of her as breathing. 

Music is bonding.  Performing together comes second to worshiping Jesus together. 

Jesus placed music in our lives, and we are blessed to be given such a gift.

Our Fourth of July 2020

I have missed blogging about our lives.  If we are honest, all of life is education, and nothing showcases this more than a homeschooled life.  For so long I have separated in my mind and writing the different aspect of my life.  My homeschooling was separated from my faith and family.  It complicated everything!  Instead, I want to combine it all back into one blog, where our lives are shared.  One of the greatest things I love is when I look back on this blog and read about the different adventures we did when the children were younger.  I blogged about finances and our church activities and the books we were reading and the hobbies we had.  Charlotte Mason liked to say, "Education is an Atmosphere, a Discipline, a Life."

We decided to have a small cookout for the Fourth of July.  We broke out the children's swimming pool.  We also were blessed to have a local town actually have a fireworks display during the Covid-19 panic.  It was a fun day with family.

Family Dinner Time

The goal is to have family dinner every couple weeks.  Quarantine got in the way!  So, to finally have everyone together was special!  We even had a good, old-fashioned squirt gun war.