I had forgotten for awhile. I have let circumstances get me down. I have let just everything make me forget some basic truths.
1. God Loves Me! It is hard to feel that way some days when nothing seems to be going right. Yet, as tough as things have been, I also know that much of what we have gone through has held a lot of lessons for my life. I read recently that often, in the toughest times of our lives, when we feel God is allowing us to endure suffering, he could actually be showing us a lot of mercy.
2. Our Adventure is in our Attitude - How hard is it to have a good attitude about things when you just want to cry in frustration? I realized that I've carried a lot of frustration and even anger around with me lately. The result is that I've not been been overly happy. I have had to remind myself that my life is not my own. My life belongs to Jesus, and he paid a high price to have it. Carrying around anger and frustration isn't helping me to live the adventure Jesus has for me. Life is too short. Oh, there is a time for adjusting and grieving what was, but it can't last long. When life throws challenges and changes at us, we need to spend time with the one who can lead us through those challenges and changes instead of living in pity or anger. I've had a fun time learning how to make things like bread and cleaners homemade. Focusing on ways to save money gave me a positive way to feel deal with the financial challenges we have had.
3. Never Alone - There's a Barlowgirl song named 'Never Alone'. The lyrics are wonderful. They explain so much of what I've been feeling these last several months when my husband was unemployed and our life seemed to be totally out of our hands.
"Never Alone"
I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone
And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
[Chorus]
We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
[Chorus]
I haven't put song lyrics on my blog before, but I have needed this song at times. When I felt as if God had disappeared I had to trust His Word and the promises He made in the Bible. I have to hold tight to what I know. He is with me always, even if I have times when He feels distant. Time after time, even though I can't explain why, He has still come through for me.
I let myself begin to slip away from my first love. It can be so subtle in the beginning. You get tired. You get angry. Problems arise and begin to pile up. They feel insurmountable. You feel like your dreams and goals have been stolen. You get offended or upset more easily. You strike out or withdraw (I've done both.) from the people or places you need... or even the Savior you love.
Days go by, turning into weeks. You don't realize how far you have gone until you get a wake-up call. It is then you realize that the relationship with Jesus that you had has not been what it should recently. I think wake-up calls often come from God. It doesn't even have to be an earth shattering wake-up like a tragedy or accident. Often, it is in seeing something in yourself that you didn't see before, something you know isn't from God. For me, it was a series of things I found myself giving in to more. Impatience, temptations, self-pity, anger, and a huge discontent in my attitude with my life... none of these are pretty or Godly when you give into them over and over. In fact, they can destroy you.
I've spent some time in prayer. Talking to God always helps. He restores my soul. He heals my wounds. He gives me peace and love and joy. Yes, you heard me... JOY! Sometimes you have to choose joy. Sometimes you have to look around and see what you do have and be thankful.
4. Thankful - I am thankful. I have a wonderful husband and children. God has blessed me with my family. I am so thankful to God for Him allowing us to be together. I am so thankful that He led me to homeschool my children. Homeschooling has its own challenges, but the benefits for our family alone outnumber the drawbacks.
The path God has me on is winding. I can't always see where he is taking me. However, I do not walk alone.
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