Time Alone

I guess God thought I needed a break today.  I woke up feeling ill, and all day that sick feeling has stayed with me.  I went to be alone for a bit in my room, hoping that I would feel better if I rested. So far, no luck, lol.  I have my view from my window and the sound of birds singing, but sleep alludes me.
I've been praying instead.  Praying for the daughter that is going through a rough time, that she may hear God's voice.  I'm praying for wisdom in so many areas... finances, homeschooling,  parenting decisions.  It seems that there is always some problem or challenge that is thrown our way like a hand grenade. 
There isn't much relief from the summer heat in the upstairs of our house.  The air conditioner doesn't do well upstairs.  But instead of seeking relief in the cooler downstairs, I seek the time with my Lord, praying and waiting to feel better.

Lately it seems as if many in the family are struggling in their walk with the Lord.  This includes me.  The battles of the last year combined with the over-committed schedule has me feeling defeated in many ways.  Time alone, or time with God, has not happened the way it should.  I've realized that I can't give to others what I don't have.  How can I pass along the love of Christ when I am empty myself?

It's so easy to find yourself empty as a homeschooling mom.  Most of us don't cut ourselves a lot of slack.   We take on educating multiple children, trying to be a devoted wife at the same time.  Add in housework, church responsibilities, and extra curricular activities for the kids, and the first thing tossed is God time.
For me, add in a year of emotional upheavals, illnesses finally diagnosed as a severe vitamin deficiency, a husband with a crazy work schedule that has him gone four days per week, and the resut is burn-out.  As I stare out my window at tree and sky, I realize just how burnt-out I have gotten.

You know you need to change things when the thought of planning lessons, for church or school, brings tears to your eyes.  That's where I am.  I so want to be obedient to God.  I want to serve in the ways He has placed in my heart.  Somewhere, I have taken on more than He told me, more than is expected, more than one person can do.  I've taken to many of this last year's challenges and let them weigh me down.
So, I am praying.  I am spending that time with God, as a start to find peace and refreshing.