I have been out of sorts the last couple of weeks. I know this. I have felt it happening. All the struggles and pressures of the last few weeks have caught up with me. I have felt so very tested.
One of the areas where I have been tested is in contentment. Oh, how easy it is to desire more... to desire to have more. I tell myself that these are things our family needs. I want things like a freezer so I could save gas money by not having to go to town so often. Or... I want to have cable again. It's been years since we have had TV. The closest we have is Netflix. I miss watching some TV shows. A part of me doesn't want the bad things that are on the Television to be in my home. Even with parental locks, sometimes it is difficult. Yet, there are a couple of shows I enjoyed or that we enjoyed as a family. I miss watching them. Plus, again, with gas prices, having television would be nice since I am going to be home a lot this summer (again, gas prices).
I know God will bring in our lives what we are ready for and what He wants us to have. For instance, last weekend, He managed to provide a brand new bread machine at a yard sale for a portion of what it would have cost us at the store. It had never been used. Knowing our old machine was dying, it was a wonderful blessing from God. The snow cone maker for a dollar was a nice bonus too!
I was told once that young people today feel entitled to the same things that their parents took a lifetime to build. We want the home, the vacations, the things... and we'll go into debt to get them. I really want a brand new desk. You know... one with drawers and shelves.... like a mini office! Instead, I have one that, if I'm not careful, will snag my clothing and scratch my skin when I stand or sit at it. So, yes, I understand the urge to want new things. I guess I feel that, after all these years, things would start to improve. A layoff and a weak economy have slowed us from making much headway.
As I pray I realize that I don't want my identity wrapped up in things. It's easy to long for security in our finances or our things. True security can only come from our Lord. After the layoffs and weak pay and cut hours of the last few years, I long for stability. I long for easy. However, I know that God is teaching me during this time. He is teaching me to trust Him. He is showing me what true plenty is. True plenty is not in things. I may long for some things, but I will wait for God to bring them to me. They aren't worth going into debt to receive them.
God has told me to simplify my life. More things are not the answer. More of Him is the answer.
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