When the Love of Learning Dies

My oldest daughter loves music.  She's a talented girl with a powerful, beautiful voice.  She is learning piano, sings on the worship team at church, and has been in choir since the third grade.  She is graduating from high school in just a few weeks.  She loves Jesus and worshiping Him with music.  She has been in public school her entire life.  I am blessed.

She is the first to admit that she has drifted through school.  She likes some classes or teachers, but not many of them.  She stayed in public school when I began homeschooling because of the music classes.  She is smart, but admits that she only works hard at the things that interest her.  She does the other stuff, but she doesn't give those classes her heart. 

I don't want this for my younger children.  Tasha, my sixteen year old, will be finishing up her junior year in high school and first year homeschooling in a few weeks.  She is smart too.  The difference in her since she came home to be homeschooled isn't really dramatic.  She's reading a lot more than ever, and usually by her own choice.  She's in charge of her education and has taken that role seriously.   I came up with a schedule for her, and she kind of keeps to it.  Some days she works very hard.  Other days she doesn't do as much.  For her junior topic for her term paper, she chose to take on the subject of the epidemic of Fatherlessness in America.  There are limited books on this subject, yet the research is vast.  This is a topic most teens don't want to tackle for fear of not being politically correct.  She would have been discouraged in public school from touching this topic.

I am researching like crazy all the different options for next year for my ten year old.  I have noticed that she is having issues.  Laura still carries a negative attitude from public school.  Actually, I think it actually surfaced this year.  I guess the first year there was the novelty of not having to go to school.  This year, Laura is different.  I think part of it is the pressure I have felt and put on her to feel like we are doing enough. 

God has placed me at home.  This is my mission field.  I can't take that lightly.  However, I think the problems have stemmed from me focusing too much on academics and not enough on just learning in a relaxed, inspiring home.  My prayer time has led me to make some other choices for now.

It takes bravery to be different.  It takes something a little more deep in the heart.  Laura is smart, but with a bad attitude it really doesn't matter.  I've tried a lot of different things too, and Laura hasn't truly responded.  She's learned.  That much is true.  Yet I see more and more of her curiosity and wonder leaving her eyes.

There's a balance between discipline and love of learning.  I have spent some time in prayer lately over this very situation.   Laura looks at learning as "School".  She doesn't want to homeschool year round because she wants to fit in with her public schooled (and even homeschooled) friends that are off from June through mid-August.   I have read books that talk about directing studies towards the child's interests to spark a love of learning.  So far, the second I suggest we look into something further, Laura rebels and looks at it as "school".

Considering my options for next year has been difficult.  I think I need gentle and affordable.  Laura loves read aloud time and I plan to use that love.  Maybe she just needs some time to decompress and undo some of the programming from years of preschool and public school and, yes, even two years of homeschooling.  I have put too much pressure on us both.  She needs some free time to find her own interests.

She needs some attention.  I know that sounds odd when she is with me during the day, but I don't want to count our "doing school" time.   So far, I don't think we've had much fun.  In fact, we both are burned out.  I know that not everything we study is going to be a blast, but so far I don't feel optimistic about very much we've done in two years.  For the most part, all our work has just been school.  It wasn't amazing or fun or exciting.  It was just school.  This is not what God called me to do.  He did not say, "Bring your daughter home and do what the school is doing."  No, he has another plan. 

The rest of this school year and the upcoming summer is going to be spent with math and reading.  I am going to read to Laura like crazy.  I'm going to send her to the library and let her pick out whatever she wants to read, as long as it isn't inappropriate.  She's going to be involved in the library program.  I'm going to take her on some field trips.  I'm going to read the Bible to her.  She still has memory verses for Mpact Girls.  I'm done for now with stressing out over if she is where she needs to be.  I'm done with feeling like I'm missing something... like the fun.  I think I'll let Laura cook with me.  I think I'll let her work in the garden with me or hang clothes on the line.  I think I'll take just her to the store with me when I shop and have her help me get groceries.  I think I'll let her sit on the couch on a rainy day and watch episode after episode of Little House on the Prairie.  I think we'll have some conversations about whatever her heart wants to discuss.

I'm looking into a couple different things for next year.  Seriously, I have no clue what I want to do.  I think I'll just take my time, save some money where and when I can, and see where God leads us over the next couple months.  Then, when God shows me what direction he wants me to go, we will both be ready to head that way.

As for Megan, I only plan to read to her and let her play.  I am getting her outside as much as I can and limiting her TV time.  For now, that is all the preschool my little girl needs.