Clinging to the Savior in Challenges

This year has been challenging emotionally.  I watch as my older two children struggle to figure out who they are and what they want.  My oldest moved out, moved back, nearly died, almost had to quit college, got herself re-enrolled, and is now on the verge of restarting college while still wanting to move out.

I have watched as my next oldest, barely 18, graduated from our homeschool, enrolled in college, and is struggling with many issues.  She has dealt with back pain that doesn't seem to go away, even with physical therapy.  I have seen her battle depression as she hasn't been able to let go of unforgiveness.  I have seen her struggle to figure out who she is, and what she wants.  She, too, wants to make her own way on her own.

I've felt my heart break.  Every mom instinct inside me wants to draw my girls to me and protect them from the harsh realities of life.  They don't know yet just how difficult, how challenging, how hard life can be.  I wish I could still just ground them to their rooms until they decide to do things the way I want... but those days are long gone and wouldn't work anyhow.

So, I have to let go and trust God with their lives.  As a mother, I will continually pray for my children.  However, they are not my property or my possessions.  I might not agree with all of their decisions, but I have to let them make them.  It is hard, as a mother, to find the line of letting go and holding on.

I pray and wait on God to lead and guide my kids and my husband and me.  This year has been so challenging, leaving me clinging to my Savior in prayer, at a cross where I try to lay down the burdens and not pick them back up.  What I do know is, I never thought this year would be like this.  I am tired, praying for rest and peace.