I got upset today at something my husband did... or actually forgot to do. It hurt me that he would forget to tell me something of importance. Yet, he did. I felt like a fool. I wanted to cry. I missed a part of my step-daughter's life that I wanted to be a part of... all because he forgot to tell me.
And then... I reacted poorly. I said things that weren't very God honoring.
Did I regret it? Yes, nearly as soon as they came out of my mouth.
What you say flows from what is in your heart. Luke 6:45b (NLT)
This is fact. What comes out of my mouth was in my heart, and I knew it. I have worked very hard on my speech, for I want it to be honor God. Yet, I can't boast of making much progress some days. I work on my emotions, on not letting anger or frustration or even fear take charge. When I do, my mouth tends to say things it shouldn't.
Today, everything happened very fast. I was hurt, and I lashed out. I apologized later to my husband, but I know that once the words are out of my mouth, they are gone... out there. The damage is often done, and it can't be undone. I've experienced this with my children, with my family, and with friends.
I've been on the receiving end many times myself of gossip or hurtful words or names. I've tried to watch myself to make sure that I'm not making the same mistakes as I once did, but I fail and fall down repeatedly. Some times I feel like I am constantly apologizing to God and others for my mouth... and my heart.
My only peace is knowing that God is not finished yet. He loves me and will not give up on me. He longs for me to be holy, and I long to please Him and honor Him. I don't know if I am getting closer or if my tongue is just one more sin that He must cast into the sea of forgetfulness as I repent. All I do know is that, despite my struggles, my love for Him keeps growing as He teaches and guides me.
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