1 John 1:6
I was divorced. That is not something I am proud of, nor something I would ever want to live through again. My children have paid a high price for mistakes that had nothing to do with them. This has formed and shaped my opinions about divorce. I have seen the consequences to a family and to children long term... and it is not a pretty picture.
The divorce rate, according to the Barna Research Group, is higher in conservative Christian marriages than in that of Atheists and Agnostics. Despite this high divorce rate, which should prompt some tough questions in the church, I have still felt the sting of comments made because I divorced. I had a Biblical reason to divorce, but I hesitate to use that as an excuse since I wasn't walking with Christ. The Bible wasn't something I even thought about at the time.
I like the verse above.
"If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth."
Have you ever blindfolded yourself and tried to "feel" your way around the house. It's a game I played as a kid a lot. I still do it at home, at night, making my way from to and from the bathroom in the dark. I have to go through my children's room to get to the bathroom. I usually don't wish to wake them by flipping on the light, so I will "feel" my way... and pray I don't trip over a toy.
Life before Christ is like that feeling your way through the dark. You know there might be things in the way, but you hope you don't trip. You "feel" your way. If it "feels" right at the time, if it "feels" like a good thing to do, then you trust that. I didn't find the light of Christ until after I was divorced and remarried. Until that time I "felt" my way through life... and tripped... A LOT!
My husband and I both admit that we made many mistakes before finding Jesus. Those mistakes hurt our children, our family, and the consequences will always be in our lives. Three of our five daughters have step-families and two sets of parents. I'll be honest, we do the best we can, but it is a horrible way to raise a family.
We walked in darkness. Others tried to tell us what obstacles were coming, what was probably going to be in our way, but we couldn't see for ourselves and, despite our fumbling about trying to keep steady, we still tripped.
I thank God we found Him and He shone is light on our lives. Now, we have a Light, the Bible, that gives us a path to follow. We might not always know the obstacles we are going to face, but now we don't face them alone. God's Light also shines on our past... with 20/20 clear vision. Now we see our sin for what it was, and have repented. We still repent, every time we face yet another split holiday, every time I see my older girls feeling rejected by their father, every time my step-daughter has issues at her home that we can't help solve. No statistic is as powerful as the look on a child's face when what she wants isn't as important as the court order that must be followed.
We walked in darkness, and that darkness still tries to invade the light.
What I don't understand is those that condemn actions taken in the darkness as if they happened in the light. Yes, I divorced. I have been happily remarried now for 11 years, and a committed Christian for nearly seven years. I understand if, as a Christian, I "walk in darkness, lie, and do not the truth", that something is very wrong. But to blame a non-Christian for living like the world and listening to the world is like blaming a blind person for tripping over an obstacle. Whether they were told or thought it could get in their way, they still had to keep walking.
If only some acts committed in the darkness can be forgiven by Christ, but others cannot, then His death was in vain. His death was not then powerful enough to erase the sin. But that is not what the Bible says! Terms such as "new creation", "cast into the sea of forgetfulness", and "adopted by God" all mean that our past is washed away with the cleansing of Jesus' blood. It doesn't mean that the consequences just go away.
I pray daily for my children, for the generational curse of divorce to not touch them in their future marriages, and for the scars of the sins of their parents be healed. I would change things in an instant. In fact, I strongly believe that divorce is one of the great plagues of our nation. It goes along with another one, fatherlessness. So many children of divorce lose their fathers, and then spend their lives wondering why they weren't good enough to stick around for. Then, they wonder if God will stick around, when their own father didn't. Yes, divorce has eaten away at a lot of what God wanted to do in my family. Both as a child and as an adult, divorce has shaped my life.
Jesus' death on the Cross covered each and every one of my sins. And because the truth of the darkness was revealed to me in the Light, I am a person that hates divorce. God hates divorce because it rips apart the family. I have seen what a ripped apart family looks like in my own children, and it is devastating and long-term and crippling. I do not depend on grace for a free pass. I believe being under grace makes us long for a higher standard. Where I tripped in the darkness and took my children with me in the fall, I hope to let Christ lift up in the light and turn around for His good and His glory.
Beauty for ashes.
I will stand for marriages. I believe they are a union created by God for the formation of family. I will stand for the fatherless children, and tell them that God loves them and wants to be their Father. I will train my children in God's Word, and I don't care if it sounds hypocritical. I am okay with telling my children to do what I say... what the Bible says, and not what I did. For what I did was done in the darkness. It was sin. It has been forgiven, and I don't want my family from my children through all the future generations to be plagued by the curse of divorce any longer. God has such a more glorious plan and path for my daughters and their children.
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