A Homeschool Inspired by the Finnish Model of Education

I have been reading all I can lately about the Finnish model of education.  I have listened to YouTube videos, read article after article.  For those that don't know, Finland has one of the best, if not THE best, education system in the world.  In the 1970s, they scored right along with the United States... in the middle of the road.  They decided to make changes to their education system, not to compete on the world stage, but to give every child a chance.  Children's well-being became more important than tests and competition. They changed things around in their country so that the goal for each and every child was that they would be that they would be able to have an equal chance for an education, a happy life, and future employment.

For years, Finland worked their system, unnoticed by the world. Teachers were required to have a Master's Degree, and were paid well and treated respectfully.  In fact, only the best are selected to be a teacher in Finland.  Students don't begin school until they are seven years of age.  When they start, there is a lot of play time (recess) given.  Students receive fifteen minutes of recess for every forty-five minutes of instruction.  School hours are much shorter there than American schools.  There is little to no homework, especially in the early years.  Thirty percent or more of students receive special help if needed (one-on-one).  The teachers in the early years often have the same students for several years in a row, allowing them to get to know their students and how they learn.  Class sizes are small.  There is no standardized testing until the student is about to graduate high school.

And, at age fifteen, these students are scoring top scores in the world.  Ironically, they are changing their model system to even more of a loose, topic-based education instead of subjects.  While some predict disaster, I don't believe so.  Every study of learning shows that children learn this way better than in traditional models.

As a homeschooling mama, this has been eye-opening to me.  While I don't want to be a complete unschooler, I do believe that I have pushed my children too hard at times, and I have watched the light go out of their eyes.  I have watched the joy they used to have dim, and the curiosity about the world around them die.  School has become drudgery.  They comply, but it isn't what it should be.

"But, Cathy, kids need to learn now that there will be things in life that they will have to do that won't bring them pleasure, that they won't want to do.  Not everything is fun."

Is this the goal of education?   I doubt every child in Finland is a bottle of sunshine, but this model of education does give so many benefits to students.  In America, we kill the love of learning and instill dread and drudgery instead.

For instance, the students start compulsory school at age seven, but in America we start at five or six.  That year or two makes a big difference!  Students in Finland do have preschool, but the emphasis is on play and socializing, not academics.  That means that the when the students begin school, some can read and some can't.   But the ones that haven't learned to read at five or six aren't labeled as slow learners, as they are here.  Right from the start, here in America, we are pushing children to do more and more academically at earlier and earlier ages. The students that might have brains that aren't ready are stressed are often treated as slow.  In truth, many aren't slow, they simply need more time for their brain to mature.

Second, the rates of learning disabilities in Finland are not much different than here in the States, but the approach is different.  Students in the younger years are given fifteen minutes of free time in outside play for every forty-five minutes of instruction.  In fact, these breaks are not looked at as a break from learning, but as a strategy to maximize learning.  Since the students aren't beginning school until they are seven, and have lots of time to run and play, this makes a difference.  Many of the students with ADHD are not treated with medication.  Also, the school day is much shorter than here in America (20 hours per week in Finland compared to 35 hours in America) and homework is limited or not given at all. This allows a lot more time for a child to play and grow and mature at a slower pace than what is demanded in America's pushy, stress-filled, do more and more, earlier and earlier educational method.  And if a child is still in need of help in learning, the teacher and special education teachers will take the time to give the student one-on-one instruction and tutoring.

Third, the teachers are not treated or paid like American teachers.  Teaching is respected in Finland, and is considered one of the most prestigious jobs in the country.  Only ten percent of those that apply to be a teacher are accepted.  The training is rigorous.   The result is that teachers can impact the quality of the education their students receive in incredible ways.  The salary of a teacher is a good one.  The teachers teach less hours than here in America.  Since there is only one standardized test in a student's schooling years, teachers aren't pressured into teaching to that test.  In fact, teachers in Finland are looked at as professionals and trusted to choose the teaching methods they see will work with the students they have.  Each teacher has a Master's degree.  They are highly trained in child development, in how children learn, in curriculum development, and in their field of expertise.   They are empowered to work with the students and other teachers.  They are trusted. There is no script.  Ninety percent of Finnish teachers stay in the profession until retirement.  In contrast, fifty percent of American teachers leave in the first five years.

I'll be honest, I don't trust many American teachers.  I think many are great and are motivated to enter into teaching because they want to help children.  But the few bad apples have spoiled it all.  I've had teachers call a child of mine stupid.  I've had teachers pass the jocks and rich kids, and leave the rest to take remedial English or not graduate.  In nearly every school system, there has been a teacher arrested for inappropriate conduct with a student.  If we want the best and the brightest for our children, we need to have teachers that honor and respect childhood, not ones that want to make children into little adult machines.   I have spent the last few years learning how children learn so that I can give my own children a quality education.  Truthfully, I have a lot of issues with the American model of education.

The focus in the Finnish education system is not competition.  In fact, all the schools are publicly funded.  There isn't competition between them to outdo the one in the next town. The goal is completely different.  It's about creating life-long learners.  It's about teaching life-skills.  There is a lot of art and poetry and music.  There are different languages taught, such as English in third grade and Swedish in fourth.

Obviously, it isn't perfect.  There are problems, but on the whole, the system is working.

This research into a different way of education has inspired me to make changes to my homeschool.   As much as I have had issues with the American model of education, it is easy to stick with what I know.  But as I watch the natural spark in my youngest daughter die out, I realize that I want her to have better.  As I plan this upcoming year, I find myself relaxing. I find myself questioning what I really want her to learn.

One article I read about Finnish education stated that school is where kids learn how to live and that they are needed, not just how to have a job.  There is an emphasis on things that many American schools have gotten rid of or diminished:  handcrafts, cooking, art, music, community service, etc.  There is a balance between academic and non-academic learning that is emphasized.

I want to bring that to my home.  I want to bring that to my homeschool and to my parenting.  I want to raise a child that has a chance to find life, not just success as defined by money and things.  I want my child to have a passion for learning.  I want her to develop skills.  I want her to know her faith, so she can understand why it is important.  I want her to know how to love life and learning, not just how to get through the stuff she doesn't like.   Basically, I'm giving her less so she can be more.  And, I plan to do so with one daughter in her last year of homeschool, and with my ten year old with eight years left. 

Step-Parenting Can Be Worth It

It's been a long, surreal, beautiful day.  The daughter that I have loved since she was two, the daughter that was born from another, was married today.

 I am the step-mom.  But for us we never looked at step.  This caused problems through the years, and I'm sorry for hurt feelings, but I honestly wouldn't change a thing.  Why?  

The odds were against my husband and me from the start.  We had a 67% chance of divorce.  I had been married before.  He hadn't, but he had been engaged.  Adding to the mix we brought three children between us, and added another within a year. 

There were battles other families didn't have to face.  These weren't even the typical "step" issues.  These were more intense, more terrifying, more critical.  We fought battles for children to stay alive.  We fought battles in courts.  It was never what we wanted, but we endured.  

 

I watched this beautiful blond cherub grow into this amazing young woman, despite all the odds.  So many times, I had to put what was "normal" for what was best.  We had holidays together, even if the holiday had passed or was days away, because we were splitting a schedule.  We made special memories on purpose.  We smiled through the ballgames and  choir concerts, even when we had no inclination to get along with the other parent. But we did it because so much of this wasn't about us. 

I'm not reaping any glory for myself.  We made plenty of mistakes. We let negative feelings take over at times (especially me)!  We were broken by circumstances and broke from expenses.  We watched in fear as things that were out of our control swirled like a hurricane threatening to consume us all.  We prayed for things and didn't see an answer for so many years we just assumed God was saying no.

My mom told me in the midst of a very hard, dark time some advice that stayed with me.  She said, "Children don't stay young.  They grow up... and they remember.  They remember who was on their side.  They remember who made the hard choices.  They remember who was there.  They remember more than most realize."

I remembered that advice.  It helped me through many trials. There were fights that we had to fight, that we couldn't back down from because they were about what was right or what was best for the child.  But so much of what parents see when they are overwhelmed and upset is not the big stuff.  It's petty stuff.  

This seems especially true of step-families.  That child you are fighting with your ex over, he or she will grow up.  Quit fighting over the stuff that doesn't matter!  That doesn't mean you shouldn't ever stand up for yourself, but it does mean that the adults in the situation need to be the adults and put the child first.

Who cares if you have to split holidays?  Yes, it sucks often! My step-daughter did miss some things, even as we tried to include her as much as we could. Extended families can't always rotate schedules around your visits with your kid.  But Thanksgiving and Christmas don't always have to be on the calendar holiday.  We had many Christmases the day before or the day after.  We made our special plans as often as we could for when all the kids could be there.  Birthday parties were when all the kids were at our home.  We made memories.  We enjoyed each other.  It wasn't perfect.  It was hard many times.  But, we did the best we could. 

I helped raise this little girl that has been an integral part of my life for eighteen years, and I couldn't be more proud.  I couldn't love her more if I had given birth to her.  I can't believe we made it this far.  The obstacles were so hard, but with God we made it through them. 

Don't give up.  Just keep pushing forward.  Just keep going. When you screw up... and you will... apologize and keep going forward. It won't be easy.  In fact, it will occasionally feel like you can't make it.  But it will be worth it in the end. 

What an Angry Mom Teaches Her Children

It's an angry world.  The United States is very divided along political and religious lines.  Flooding both sides is anger... and pride.  No one is listening to the other side, instead only listening to others that believe just like them.  Then, it becomes easy to trash the other side and leave a wake of hurt and destruction behind.

I'm not looking to heal all the ills of society.  A couple of years ago I set standards for myself about not contributing to the problem, especially on social media.  But anger exists apart from the divide in this country.  In fact, anger may begin at home. 

For years, anger was a part of me.  It was the chip on the shoulder, the edge that I presented.  It was a part of me, deep inside, that flowed out routinely to damage those around me.  After a period of intense stress, that anger literally made me ill.  It hurt my relationships with loved ones.  It came in between my relationship with God.  It definitely damaged my testimony.

Sometimes in life, there are circumstances and situations that are unjust.  They can cause anger, because that is a normal reaction to injustice.  But, when those situations persist over an extended period of time, anger becomes a defense mechanism to every perceived wrong.  It becomes a habit, especially when it is used to control and manipulate others.

As an angry mom, I was a mess.  I loved my children fiercely, but I was exhausted much of the time.  That alone leads to emotional messes because being tired makes it difficult to be logical.  But the problem went much deeper than exhaustion.  I had been hurt. In that hurt, I lashed out often.  I was overwhelmed, especially when circumstances were out of control and hard and I had too much on my plate.  I went through some things that brought out the worst in me, that left me feeling powerless and defeated and angry at the world.  It is very important that, when you go through tough times, you don't let yourself be damaged.  The tough time will never really go away if you carry the damage forward into other parts of your life, including your parenting.

Anger stems from many sources.  Yes, there is ego and pride.    Anger can also stem from depression and anxiety.  I was depressed, and anger gave me a feeling of control in situations that were out of control.  The flood of adrenaline can be addicting when battling anxiety or depression.  It was created for extreme fight or flight scenarios, but over time it makes a person physically ill.

As an angry mom, I would use anger to manipulate and control.  My children didn't want mom to be mad.  They felt as if they had failed, over and over, because Mom was always angry or upset about something.  One time my oldest daughter told me that, because of my anger over a situation that seemed to never end and took such an emotional toll, that she had lost her mom because of it.  It was a shock to my system because I was just trying to survive at the time.  I felt that I had failed as a parent, that I had let my anger and emotional upheaval over the situation damage the rest of my life. 

There are as many reasons for a mom to be angry as minutes in the day.  Maybe the mom is resentful because she feels as if her children are keeping her from the life she wants.  Maybe she has too much on her plate and is overwhelmed.  Maybe she has chosen to have too much, and the pace has taken a toll.  Maybe life has placed her smack-dab in the middle of a situation that she isn't prepared to handle.  Maybe her priorities are screwed up and she is angry that her wants and dreams are not coming to fruition the way she wanted.  Maybe she has been through a difficult time and needs more support.  Maybe she doesn't hold motherhood as valuable.  Maybe she expects her children to be little adults, instead of children that make mistakes.  Maybe she feels entitled, and is resentful that she isn't getting all she wants.  Maybe she is battling health issues.  Maybe she craves attention and validation, and her children can't give her that.  Maybe she is simply immature.  Maybe she is selfish.

Maybe she feels it is her way or nothing.   This is bully parenting and is different from discipline.  This is about being authoritarian and not authoritative  There is a difference.  Elizabeth J. Short, PhD, associate director of the Schubert Center at Case Western Reserve University, says this, "Authoritative parents set clear expectations and can be hard on their kids. But they do it out of warmness and concern for a child’s betterment, whereas authoritarian parents say, "It’s my way or the highway." Authoritarian parents, Strong says, are "controlling and not warm. An authoritative parent is age-appropriately controlling and also warm."

Greg McKeown states in his book Essentialism, "I can do anything, but not everything."  Being a mother means that life has to be somewhat about family and the children.  That doesn't mean that a mom can't have anything for herself, but it does mean that her life has different priorities and focus.  Dreams that require total dedication might have to be put on hold or be a hobby for awhile.  One thing that children require is time.  If you can't give time to your children, don't become a mommy.  We don't need any more children in the world that feel as if they don't matter.  This doesn't mean making an idol out of our children, or ignoring responsibilities, but it does mean that your journey is no longer just about you.

Life has seasons.  There will be seasons of motherhood, and seasons when the children are grown and you can focus on different dreams.  Embrace motherhood.  If you are angry because you feel your children are taking time from other things, then it is time to grow up.  Life is not just about you.  And you are denying yourself of one of the most fulfilling roles in life because it isn't what you imagined it would be.

Let me say a word about discipline.  There is nothing wrong with disciplining your child.  Children need structure and boundaries and to be taught what is and isn't acceptable.  However, parenting is about balance.  If all that exists in your relationship with your children is discipline, expect a deteriorating situation.  If your children are dealing with discipline from anger, then they will eventually be broken and/or rebellious.  The Bible talks about turning the hearts of fathers to their children, and that means more than just showing them who is boss and punishing every misdeed.  God is a righteous judge, but He sent Jesus to take our punishment.  If we were punished for every mistake and every thing we did wrong, we would not be alive.  Jesus took our punishment and patiently guides us.  There is grace and mercy available to us and there should be for our children as well.  Balance punishment with love and patience and teaching and time and attention and bonding and making memories.   Our anger wants to make parenting about punishment, but when we consider Jesus, we have to realize that if He had dealt with us in anger, He wouldn't have died for us.

So, what does an angry mom teach her children?

 An angry mom teaches her children that they are never enough.  No matter how hard they work to try to please a parent, that parent is never satisfied or is only temporarily content... until they aren't.  An angry parent is never satisfied for long because they are continually looking for the faults, the flaws, and the mistakes.  Eventually a child will become either discouraged and depressed with no self-esteem, or they will rebel and stop trying to please an impossible parent.

An angry mom teaches her children to always be on guard, walking on eggshells, waiting for the next explosive moment.  Children with angry parents have been known to suffer PTSD, because they live continually in an uncertain environment where they never know what will happen.  They live afraid.  Eventually they will develop anger issues of their own or they will become a people-pleaser, trying to win the approval of others because they never got it at home.

An angry mom teaches her children to use emotion to manipulate others.  That is what the parent does, and a child will imitate the behavior with others in their lives.

An angry mom teaches her child that they aren't truly loved because everything is about the parent.  A child that feels as if they don't matter, or that every show of attention comes with a high price, will be more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, anger in themselves, and low-self-esteem.

An angry mom teaches her children to lie.  Any mistake the child makes is a cause for fear of reprisal.  So, the child will become secretive and lie to hide any mistakes because they know that if their angry mom (or dad) finds out, it will cause an unreasonable punishment.  Angry moms give unreasonable punishments, often humiliating the child or using physical and verbal abuse, because it is a measure of control.

Speaking of verbal abuse, an angry mom teaches her child that they have little value.  Continually calling them names, from ones like "jerk" to ones that are basically curse words, is abuse.  Degrading and belittling them is wrong.  It is telling your child that they aren't worth much.  Children believe what they are told.  Tell a child how horrible they are often enough and they will believe it and live it.

Angry moms teach their child to be angry.  Patterns are repeated generationally.  It can even become a family legacy. When you find angry moms, you will often find an angry grandmother and maybe an angry great-grandmother or father or grandfather.  Anger is one of those things that becomes a habit, a way to deal with life.  With the amount of anger in the world, it seems as if we have a lot of angry parents in the world.

There are times when I still fight anger.  Times in my life where I am being simply pummeled by demands or times when life feels crazy are times when I am most vulnerable.  I am learning to give myself a break and take the time for rest when needed.  Life is getting a little less complicated as my children get older and become adults.  Also, I know when I need, I can take the time to write or go for a walk or escape in a book.  I might find a friend to talk to that will give me good advice and positive encouragement.

Learning about my personality was very helpful.  I am not shy, so I had always assumed I was an extrovert.  As it turns out, I am an introvert, and I need my time to myself.  I need time to write and read and be alone with my thoughts and prayers.  This is how I recharge.  When I had a house full of young children, there was little time to recharge.  I was always surrounded by people.  I didn't have a lot of quiet.  I would stay up really late to have time alone, but then I would be exhausted.  Having time to myself, and time with God, is vital for me to let go of stress and help manage my emotions.  It gives me time to hand all the worries and struggles to Jesus, instead of thinking I have to fix everything or everyone. 

This is key for me:  I avoid others that are negative and angry.  I am very sensitive to moods and attitudes.  I think some people should have warning labels saying "Prolonged exposure can be detrimental to to your health."    I don't want to live angry any longer, and that means that I have to be extremely careful what and who I allow to influence me.   I listen to podcasts of other people that choose to be positive.  I gain a lot of perspective from those that have fought the battle of anger and come out on the other side.  Avoiding long-term exposure to people that are negative is key.  I can't avoid negative people all together, but I can limit my time with them.  I used to think that I could fix them by being positive around them.  It doesn't work.  I have learned that if a negative, angry person doesn't see that they are negative and angry, or doesn't care, they won't be as influenced by you as you hope and they will drag you down at the earliest possibility.

There is a saying that goes around that dismisses the problems anger can cause when parenting.  "We are all just doing the best we can."  It's crap.  Parenting is hard, I agree.  Yes, there are many doing the best they can with limited resources and energy.  But others aren't doing the best they can.  They are doing the best they want, and there is a big difference.  If you feel entitled to your anger, then you will do the best you want.  If you don't see it as a problem and, in fact, get a little high out of using your anger to manipulate and control, you are doing the best you want, not the best you can.  

My mothering has changed.  I still have areas of struggle, but for the most part, I physically get ill when I allow anger to course through me.  I have worked diligently to have strong bonds and healthy relationships with my children.  I'm not perfect and neither are they, but we love each other.  I pray that the anger issues I fought won't have passed on to my children.  They are smarter than me, though, and hopefully will not follow in my footsteps.

If you are an angry mom, it is time to face it and not make excuses.  It is time to make some changes to how you parent, to how you see your children, to your attitude, and to your habits and reactions.  Seek help if necessary.  You can change the course of your life and the lives of your children by choosing a different path. 

Snow Fun!

It's been a busy few last couple weeks.  One daughter was on a mission's trip.  We were having a snowstorm here. School has gone on as usual, though we had a couple of days where we got a little behind.

Last week's snowstorm gave the girls some fun time outside.  Jasmine had fun throwing snow at the girls.  Yes, it was a little unfair that she used the shovel to scoop it instead of just throwing snowballs.  They didn't seem to mind, however.

 All the girls had fun playing around.  I even caught Laura eating snow.  Since we made dairy-free snow ice cream that evening, I figure the snow is fresh and pure enough.

Megan LOVED the outside.  She has been cooped up too long this winter.  She got on her snowsuit (which won't fit her next year), snow boots, and bundled up.  She didn't want to come in!

Even Sophie, my puppy, had a good time.  Jasmine bundled her up in a dog coat.  I used to think those things were silly.  After all, dogs have fur.  But, now that I actually have a puppy, I want her to be warm.  I laugh at myself for how silly yet devoted I am to my little puppy. 

We enjoyed the snow.  We haven't had much this winter.  However, we are also more than ready for Spring.  

Loving winter, but bring on SPRING!

Matthew 19:14

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19:14

Megan worked so hard on her memory verse that I just HAD to share it! 

De-cluttering

For the next ten days my family is taking care of my nephews.  They are ages 1 and 3.  Right away we realized that things were going to be challenging.  At ages 5 and 12, my younger daughters' room is NOT baby-proofed. 

I began to pick up and put up some things.  Then I realized that I hadn't fine through their stuff in a very long time.  I began filling the garbage can outside with the broken toys.  Then I noticed just the quantity of toys they have acquired in the last several months.  Yes, the clutter is overwhelming.

My husband and I are sorting, throwing away, and organizing the room.  Not only do we need it safe for two toddlers, but we just don't want to live in a cluttered mess. 

I'm thinking it is time for some permanent solutions.