Harmonize

 

Over the years, with five daughters, I have learned that each one is different.  They have different talents, different interests, and different personalities.  So often, these differences can bring conflict.  I try to respect the differences that God placed in my children.  The world would be a boring place if God hadn’t placed within it a beautiful variety.  

I think this variety shows Him in many ways.   He understands the extroverts and the introverts.  He understands the spontaneous and the planner.  He is a God of order, and those that love order and are analytical have a special place in his heart.  And yet those that are drawn to the artistic, to the beauty He placed in the world, He fulfills their desires with every sunset-painted sky and lyric of song.

Appreciating differences becomes easier when we understand that God gave the wondrous spectrums as a way to show Him, a God that isn’t limited by our classifications and boxes.  This is why He is able to break down prejudices.  He is a God that understands women and men.  He doesn’t see the amount of melanin in a person as a deciding factor on if they are worthy of His love.  It’s just melanin...  just another beautiful work of His creation showing His variety.

Perhaps these explanations are trite answers for complex problems storming the world today, but sometimes simplicity is best. 

Sometimes it isn’t the differences that bring conflict.  It’s the similarities.  We tend to naturally gravitate toward those with whom we share common ground.  We make friends in our age group.  We bond over shared interests.  We join clubs and Facebook groups to find others that share our passions or our struggles.  We laugh over shared memories.  

But sometimes common ground or interests can bring division.  Last weekend three of my daughters sat on my back porch and sang worship together.  It was, for me, so beautiful to hear and see.  I have some talented daughters and have watched over the years as they grew in their individual relationships with God.  With fifteen years difference between the oldest and youngest, to see them sing together simply tugs at my heart.  

It would be easy for them to feel as if there was competition between them.  And that is the danger, isn’t it?  Similar interests become an area where other people and Satan can compare and contrast, leaving those that share the interest feel like they must compete or are less than or greater than.  

Amidst the shared interest, there exists variety.  My daughters are very different in their personalities and in their singing.  Perhaps that is why they blend so well.  They have learned to harmonize with others, not just sing for themselves.  It’s easy to sing a song alone.  It’s much more difficult to find a harmony and make it beautiful.  I pray none of my daughters ever feel as if they have to compete with each other.  I pray they always find the harmony, some leading this verse or that, some singing more softly or in a higher key.  

Harmony in life is difficult.  There are many people that contribute to disharmony, that stoke the fires of competition by comparing and measuring the worth of someone based on their own ridiculous measures, such as experience or personal preferences.  

It is here, in these shared passions, where sibling rivalry (or friend rivalry, work rivalry, etc) can destroy relationships.  No one wants to feel that their individuality is lost because they share a passion or talent with someone else.  But even more, no one wants to feel as if something they love is a competition and has some relevance to their value as a person.

Nothing is more devastating to a person’s self worth than to constantly feel compared.  Comparison is a thief of joy always.  When we do it to ourselves, it can be paralyzing.  When others do it to us, it can destroy everything in a person.  

There are likes and dislikes.  People have opinions, of course, that they often too freely share without regard for others. As a mom, I want my children to be all that God made them to be...  and that should NEVER take away from who God made someone else to be.  

We often can say that one is good at business and the other at the arts and respect the differences.  It is equally or perhaps more important to make sure each one knows that their shared interests or talents are still uniquely special.  No child (or adult, for that matter) should ever feel they can’t do something they love  because someone else is told they do it better. 

Instead, there should be harmony.  Harmony is much more challenging to achieve than individual glory.  

I gave up an interest of mine for many years because someone else shared it and I was compared and found lacking.  The comparisons still occur and I have to purpose in my mind and heart not to let them tear me down or take me away from something I love.  I have to choose to not allow those comparisons to make their way into my own thoughts.  I would rather I could give up my love of my interest and follow a completely different path just to feel that I had something that is mine alone, and not feel as if I am constantly in a competition I never asked to enter.

Ironically, interests are often shared in families.  Like eye color and height, I believe many interests stem from genetics passed down from parents.  This is why we see families of doctors or police officers, families in acting, families of artists. The stage is set in every family with more than one child for an area where comparison could be a temptation. 

There are no winners in comparing children.  There is only the setting of an atmosphere to create storm after storm.  There is only damage that comes from comparison.  Harmony is lost and is difficult to regain. Relationships are damaged.  It’s dysfunctional, and yet so many see it as normal.

I pray my daughters sing together for a lifetime, each secure in the knowledge that they are loved for the unique person God made them to be, valuable inherent because they are children of God.  I pray they can be themselves.  If who they are means they share interests, great!  

Harmonize, my girls.