Some days are rougher than others. My youngest child has what has been labeled as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. She was never diagnosed by a doctor. At this point, with a strong genetic factor in the family, I don't need a professional to tell me the symptoms. I have experienced it in my husband and step-daughter for years. I have researched, and have seen that the brains of those with ADHD are different. However, is being different an illness? Aren't the brains of many different from the norm? By this standard, those with genius level IQs would have to be labeled as having an illness since brain scans of those considered geniuses often show differences from most of the population.
There was a time when I didn't think ADHD was real. There are still those that publish articles saying that it is a made-up disease. However, I have spent a long time researching it. I think the symptoms are exacerbated today. I believe this is due to many factors, such as how television and screen time rewires brains. I also believe that nutrition, or the lack thereof, plays a significant role in brain changes during all stages of development. I also think that it was misdiagnosed or was simply treated differently in the past.
In the past, childhood was treated differently than it is treated now. Children didn't always start school at ages three or younger. Most children didn't start school until age seven when compulsory schooling began moving the age younger and younger. Now, it is rare in America to see a child not begin formal schooling until age seven. This means that children that struggle with attention issues are being forced to pay attention at younger and younger ages for longer and longer periods of time. This makes the struggle with ADHD all the more challenging.
Second, children were outside. They had chores. They played. As a child, I was outside all the time, if possible. We had recess in the cold weather, in snow, several times a day. We were outside, climbing on the monkey bars and swinging on the swings. Summers were spent outside, from morning till night, having adventures. I was a bookworm type, and I was still outside most of the time.
The correlation between the decrease in children playing outside and ADHD has been made by several organizations. Want to read for yourself? Try this article, or this one, or this one, or this one, or this one, or this one.
In America, the first line of defense is often medication. Parents are often bullied and pressured into medicating their child by the schools, even though the law states that it is illegal to require a child be medicated, and CPS has even taken children from their homes if parents won't seek treatment and medication.This leaves parents in a tough spot, if they are uncertain about medicating their child. Most will compromise, medicating during school time, but forgoing meds during breaks and weekends. They want the best for their child, including a quality education and fitting in with social norms, and if medication can help achieve this, then it is simply a fact of life.
I think the decision to medicate your child is one that must be made carefully, but it is a decision that is up to the parents. My husband and I have chosen not to use medication at this point. We never medicated my step-daughter, and we are trying not to do so with our youngest. We homeschool. There are various reasons for this, but one main reason is so that we can work around her ADHD.
Other countries have proven that a different way to handle ADHD can be beneficial. In America, approximately twelve out of one thousand children are medicated for ADHD. I found this article from Psychology Today to be very informative about the differences in how America treats ADHD and Finland, a country that commonly scores in first or second place academically in the world.
Children with ADHD are often developmentally behind. Depending on the child, this can leave them at many different places academically. Socially, having ADHD can leave them isolated if they have not developed as quickly as other children their age. The Child Development Institute believes that ADHD children can be as much as three years behind in areas such as "attention, concentration, emotional regulation, and flexibility" This means that my ten year old may be responding in many ways like a seven year old. She may be in the fifth grade and able to handle much of the fifth grade course work, but in other areas, such as attention, she may struggle with giving the attention typical of a ten-year old fifth-grader.
This morning my daughter freaked out because her dad is trading in his bass guitar for a different one. Her inability to handle a small change shows a lack of being able to adjust for her age level. She often overreacts to simple things, such as being teased by others. She is not emotionally mature enough to grasp teasing, and struggles with a level of impulsiveness that causes her to lash out when upset. This shows a strong immaturity on her part that is possibly due to slower maturity in her brain. Sadly, many of those around her don't understand that she will outgrow this like all children do, but at a slower rate. Provoking her seems to be fun for some, and she doesn't understand. Many other parents aren't very considerate either.
Trying to help my child in all these areas without medication has taken many turns. I have to be a disciplinarian. I also have to be a coach and teacher. I reevaluate what is working and what isn't working often. I try to instill habits. I try to get her outside every day, even if it is simply to walk the dog. I try to give her a learning environment where she can learn at her own pace without a lot of distractions. Most of the time, she is the distraction for others.
I have taken on the role of coach. Last summer, every day before play practice, we went over the rules on the drive. They consisted of: no getting angry, no mouthing off, no hitting, ignore the kids that pick fights, be nice, use your manners, do what the adults say, focus, be positive. She could quote the rules in her sleep, and after a few mishaps at first, I think she improved. She was one of the younger children, and ADHD made her seem even younger. I would have insisted she wait until she was older, except she loves performing. And so, despite the ups and downs, we stuck it out.
At this point, I carefully evaluate the social situations where I allow her to participate. I find things where there is a time limit, or is more one-on-one, instead of large groups. I try to be able to supervise, or at least be nearby. She is around other children, and often plays well with children that are younger than her. One article states that playing with children younger than her is actually a good thing because "friendships with younger kids allow your child to take on a leadership role, a dynamic that peer relationships might not allow for." Knowing that she will improve as she matures gives me hope. There are times I have removed her from situations she wasn't not handling well. I have given her breaks, keeping her out of social situations where she may have had a bad experience.
I have found that giving her experiences that are controllable helps her. One-on-one playtime works great because she doesn't have to adapt to a large group. Also, we read. We read ALOT! Giving her experiences through stories is a magnificent way to help her and teach her about the world because she learns empathy by stepping into the shoes of others. Not only does she gain all the wonderful benefits of vocabulary and concentration increase, she learns to see other points of view and experience their world from the safety of her couch.
My goals for my daughter might differ from that of other parents. My methods of helping her definitely differ. We live in a world where parents are not often supportive of each other. What one parent does to help their ADHD child may not work with a different child in a different situation. What I am doing right now may change in a year or two. One thing I have learned is that I have to take my child's ADHD into consideration often.
I began college classes last winter. One thing that I noticed is that my ten year old isn't as independent as I assumed she would be, and that has caused a lot of stress. After two semesters of fighting with her to focus, as well as a whole lot of other considerations, I have realized that going to college full time is not in her or my best interest at this time. She is ten, but developmentally she is younger. I would not have considered trying to homeschool full time and go to college full time three years ago, or with any of my children when there were seven or in second or third grade. And while my daughter is in a higher grade and academically capable, she is not at an age-ten level emotionally or in her attention. I didn't take that into consideration when I enrolled. I was overly excited about starting a new adventure, and didn't consider how ADHD would impact that choice... or how my choice would impact my ADHD child.
Having a child with ADHD can make life more challenging at times. However, ADHD is not the end of the world. My child is fun and loving and intelligent. She may overreact and act impulsively at times. She may waste a lot of time during the day getting sidetracked instead of focusing on her school. I know I tell her a dozen times a day, "Focus, Megan."
The last thing I want is for my daughter to think there is something wrong with her just because her brain is maturing at a different rate or because she doesn't pick up on certain social clues like other children. She has nothing to do with the fact that she is ADHD, but so many children are labeled with negative labels. I want my daughter to grow up assured that God created her special, unique, and loved. I want her to have worth. If she feels that she is odd, she might spend her entire life feeling inferior.
ADHD may mean that things are done differently. That doesn't concern me. God plans for His people to be set apart. I see ADHD as practice for all the other areas where we are to make different choices than the rest of the world, to react differently than the rest of the world. Perhaps, just perhaps, ADHD is a way for God to teach lessons that we might otherwise miss.
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