The first Christmas I spent as a Christian landed on a Sunday. That morning, instead of tearing into gifts, my husband and I loaded up our children and went to church. It was the best Christmas I could ever remember having. I don’t remember a single gift I received. I don’t remember what we ate for dinner. I simply remember that, for the first time in my life, Christmas had a deep, soul-touching meaning.
I finally got it… I understood. Christmas wasn’t about buying gifts or having “Santa” out-do the year before or even seeing the kids’ faces full of excitement as they opened their treasures. It wasn’t about what I received. It really wasn’t even about what I gave. It was about what was given, a gift for all, but one so many reject. It was about celebrating the Savior born as a gift to the world, the Savior that I had recently allowed into my heart and life… Jesus. Christmas was about what was given two thousand years earlier.
Since that time I have held a love/hate relationship with Christmas. The joy of that first Christmas morning as a new Christian was difficult to hold on to, despite my best intentions. As much as I long for Christmas to be about Jesus and family and joy and gratitude, the reality is often very different. And, sadly, that reality is something many others share. Despite the song lyrics proclaiming it “The most wonderful time of the year,” Christmas is often labeled the “Most Stressful Time of the Year.”
My husband and I have five daughters. Nearly every year has been a struggle to buy gifts for them and for other family members and friends. We are not a small family. The benefits and blessings are great, but so are the expenses. At times, when finances were really tight, others stepped in to help. We appreciated the generosity, but it still was frustrating and even embarrassing that we couldn’t afford to purchase our own children many gifts. My husband and I learned to be humble and to be gracious receivers, but it did make us feel a bit like we had failed, though no one ever meant for us to feel that way.
Money is almost always tight all year round. This was, to some degree, a choice. At first we lived on one income because daycare expenses were more than one of the incomes. Then, for various reasons, we became a homeschooling family. We are one one income family, and that one income is stretched tightly.
While some have Christmas accounts and are able to save a chunk every year for Christmas shopping, we rarely could. Some put all their Christmas charges on credit. Others simply make more and have more disposable income they can use. One year my husband received back pay from his job that was owed to him, and it arrived right before Christmas. That was one of the few times I remember feeling that, finally, we had the funds to give our children a “good” Christmas ourselves. So often, no matter what I know in my head and heart about Christmas, the temptation and pressure to make Christmas about stuff can take over and crowd out my deep desire for simple.
My desire is for Christmas to be about Jesus. There is something, however, in all parents that wants our children to have this magical image of Christmas morning in their heads. We want that Miracle on 34th Street Christmas morning where Susan gets a room of gifts and a house. Remember the Kraft commercial where the child leaves cheese for Santa, and Christmas morning shows a girl receiving a Christmas paradise of presents? My older daughters left cheese for Santa when they were young, because of that commercial! We want the images of family togetherness and a tree surrounded by mountains of presents.
The average shopper spent $882 on gifts last year (2015). That doesn’t include costs of decorations, food, and travel. We all want to bless our friends and family, not even realizing that the cost of the holiday can amount to more than a month’s worth of groceries or a mortgage payment. There are parties and family gatherings to attend, food to purchase and prepare. The schedule is jam-packed. We want to do these things, to bask in the joy of the season because memories are made in these moments. Maybe you disagree, but I just wish the focus wasn’t so much on the shallow parts of the holiday.
I long for that feeling I had on that first Christmas as a Christian. I know it was unlikely that Jesus was born in December. I know that the holiday has been inundated with so much that has nothing to do with Jesus. Some Christians, going back to the early church and Hebraic roots, have stopped celebrating Christmas. The temptation for me to ditch the holiday is overrun only by my desire to keep the traditions and cherish the family time.
I’m of the belief that Jesus changes lives, eternally. He changes thoughts and beliefs. He changes hearts. Those changes, the peace and love and joy that He brings to the life of one of His followers, changes actions and choices and values. I know Jesus sees my sinking heart as I try to figure where Christmas funds will come from in a budget where every dollar is set aside for necessities and bills. I wonder if He wouldn’t have a message for me that is very counter-culture from the norm. And so, I have had to ask myself some tough questions:
- If my family had the money to purchase that $882 or more for Christmas presents, would I still feel discontent with the holiday?
- Is this discontent simply about Christmas, or is it a symptom of something deeper?
In all honesty, if I could give my loved ones nicer gifts, I would. I would choose nicer quality gifts, or maybe ease their burdens in some way. One of my daughters has had a very tough year in many ways. She has spent a lot of time sick and hospitalized. She has dealt with rejection and heartbreak in the process. She is dealing with fears that I wish I could alleviate. If I had the money, she would not be in the place she is financially. I would gladly ease her burden so she could regain her health without stress. I would do similar things for others, because I love them.
What I don’t think I would do is lavish people, even loved ones, with an abundance of material items. The things I do buy would be nice, but not overblown. And I would consider gifts of experiences, such as museum passes or concert tickets.
I would still be a bit discontent with Christmas. Trying to buy, buy, buy causes stress, stress, stress. The discontent with Christmas, the materialism the holiday season has come to represent, bothers me deeply. However, Christmas simply highlights a discontent I feel all year about materialism and Christianity. I have a problem with believing that God mainly rewards people financially to have stuff. I have a problem with God’s blessings being a Christianized version of the American Dream.
A friend posted on Social Media today that he feels like a failure because he can’t afford gifts, and can barely afford food. He is on disability, suffers from a disease like Parkinson’s, and is relatively young. All I could think is that this man deserves Jesus to bless him. The money to buy gifts would be nice for him. To have some of the stress removed from him so he didn’t feel like a failure. What has this holiday become? A holiday about the birth of the greatest gift leaves so many feeling like failures because they can’t buy “stuff” for others! STUFF!
I can’t change the world. I can only change me, and my home. On Christmas Eve, before we go to bed, I’m going to read the Christmas Story from the Bible to my children. On Christmas morning, instead of tearing into gifts, we are going to church. I am going to sing praises to my King for coming to this fallen world. The gifts will be minimal, because money is tight. I wish I could buy better, but I don’t really wish I could buy more. There is a difference. And if I could help those with less, I would without a second thought. One day, I will be able to do so.
I feel this weight this time of the year every year. I don’t want to be a Scrooge. I don’t want to live even one Christmas with this heavy feeling any longer. I want to have that feeling I had that first Christmas as a Christian, the one where even financial struggles couldn’t touch the peace and joy of Jesus. Having peace and joy… that only happens on purpose. I may never have the money of the “average shopper.” But what about my life has been average? I’m the mother of five daughters! That is not average. A cherished gift to me is when I can have my husband and all my children with me on a holiday. And the best gift is one I received years ago, the gift of Jesus.
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