Spring Will Come

It was a rough day.  We have them occasionally.  My third grader was in full distracted mode (my term for days she has trouble focusing).  Finally, at 3:30, I quit lessons for the day.  The older two had been finished with their lessons for over an hour.  I still needed to run to the store to pick up something for dinner.  Lessons weren't productive, and I needed a break. 

It seemed, as I put away the incomplete lesson book, that all my mind wanted to do was replay every negative conversation I had been involved in about homeschooling.  I have been homeschooling for several years, and still I sometimes allow the hurtful tones and negative attitudes of others get to me.  Most of the time I try to have a thick skin, but there are times when someone I love and respect voices their disapproval and it hurts.  I am not sure why, but I am always surprised when someone that I assumed was supportive of homeschooling suddenly lashes out.  The shock and hurt feel almost like a betrayal,  a condemnation of not just our choice to homeschool, but of me as a mother. 

I believe there is an assumption that a homeschooling mom became a homeschooling mom because she couldn't let go of her children or because she had no other worthy purpose or skills.  The truth is that many homeschooling mothers were once career women.  They were teachers and doctors and business owners.  I was a business manager.  I went to college, ran businesses, was flown around the country for training, all the while leaving my two little daughters with babysitters and their father when he wasn't working. My story of being a professional turned homeschool mama is not unique. It is common. 

Choices that women make, I have learned, are always open to criticism.  Sadly, it is often by other women.

I work hard to teach my children.  I spend hours researching and learning how to teach in different ways with different methods using curriculum that suits the way my children learn.  I know about methods long forgotten in our public schools, like copywork and dictation and oral traditions.  I have built a mini-library of quality literature.  I have spent a lot of money over the years investing in curricula and books on teaching and how children learn.  

So why in the world would I let someone dismiss my efforts because they disagree or don't have the same calling?

It doesn't matter if I believe homeschooling is amazing.  From the outside, no one sees or cares to see what goes into giving what amounts to a quality private school education at home.  All that many see on the outside is we don't have much money, my children aren't daily in a school setting with bunches of peers their age.  

As a woman, I have had to let go of or put my own dreams on hold. This fact alone infuriates other women.

So, if I have a rough day or struggle to teach a concept to my ADHD daughter, I hesitate to talk about it because, in the past, I have been treated as if I'm an idiot that could just put my child in public school. (Apparently, homeschooling has set the women's movement back a hundred years.) If I attempt to discuss how I like being able to have our faith as the center of our school, I get told every horror story of prodigal homeschool children and every negative opinion from those that don't share my faith.  If I discuss my husband and I not wanting to medicate for the ADHD, after researching the facts for myself, I get told how others made a different decision with their child and it was wonderful.  Good for them!  

If I discuss the problems my children faced when they were in public school, I get told that it isn't always like that... And maybe it isn't.  Maybe rampant bullying and sexual assault and LD classrooms  and alienation and cliques and class warfare and ineffective teachers are just a part of the negative in the positive world of standardized tests and sports and clubs and tests and pep rallies and tests and parent/teacher conferences and tests and that inspiring teacher and... Did I say tests?  

I apologize for having an attitude.  I have been the victim of "every family should be free to make their own choices," but in words only. Often, even with the acceptance of homeschooling as a valid and statistically backed choice, many hold the same feelings about homeschooling as they do about their political views... saying everyone can have their own opinions is fine as long as it doesn't counter their view. 

I don't expect that I'll ever be able to win the approval of some, even some that I love. As a Christian, I keep telling myself that I am being obedient to what the Lord has called me to do, and I should seek only His approval.  But... It does hurt.  

Luckily, the Lord knows what I need.  Recently, with a gift card I received for Christmas, I purchased a book by Sally Clarkson titled, Seasons of a Mother's Heart.  I was encouraged by the book, but one paragraph brought tears to my eyes.  Here is a couple sentences that helped me tremendously:

"Since homeschooling rejects the educational status quo, it invites criticism and rejection, not just for us as adults but also for our children.  Family members, church members, friends, even strangers will question your decision and scrutinize your life.  I am finding only heart-deep dedication and sacrifice enables me to confidently say, 'This is right.  This is what God wants me to do. This is worth it.' Because I know that doing God's will is worth whatever the cost may be."

I have done experiments with my children and gone on great adventures in books and learned about the Ice Age through 9/11.  We have traveled the country with Laura Ingalls Wilder and walked the road to Damascus with Saul.  Right now, we just finished facing the horrible Miss Minchin with Sarah Crewe and we were just kidnapped in the Borrowers Aloft, while mastering our muliplication tables and researching wildlife in the desert. 

Spring will come... 

It is January.  Like the cold temperatures outside, my attitude has been down.  The struggle with my daughter's ADHD, completing my oldest's schooling requirements so she can graduate, praying for the fifteen year old as she struggles to figure out who she is and what she believes, all clashed with my hurt heart when once again I was surprised by a loved one that lashed out about homeschooling. I have to give it all to the Lord again. Just as I felt the reassurance the January will give way to April, I felt the Lord reassure me that Spring will come to my life too.  The child with the short attention span is still learning and growing.  The oldest at home will graduate, and she has plans to spend time doing missionary work. The fifteen year old is a child of God.  He loves her and knows he best way to touch her heart.  Those that disagree with the choices made by my husband and me have the right to do so.  I will allow the Lord to minister to their hearts as I continue to be obedient to what He has told me. 

This time with my children won't last forever.   Despite the attitudes of others, I hold a thousand memories or more of my days with them, teaching them, growing together in the Lord.  I pray I have thousands more.