A couple months ago we enrolled our youngest in soccer. She had never played before, but wanted to try the sport. Her older sisters had all played, and most of them had loved participating. One daughter didn't like it, and only played a couple years.
My youngest could never play where we lived previously because the games were on Sunday's. They conflicted with my husband's work schedule and church. Last year we were too late to enroll her.
It seemed like a good idea.
It became clear from the beginning that this might not be as great as I thought. Megan is right, but a newbie. Megan gets better and better as she plays, but it is obvious she is still learning.
What causes kids to treat others poorly? What causes coaches to be critical and annoyed with a new kid instead of encouraging and, well... Coaching? What causes the other two girls on the team to exclude one, to call names, to make me feel this has been a big mistake.
"That's kids."
I was given this as a response, and I don't buy it. The attitude is that my daughter should just learn to deal with bullying like she has done something wrong instead of the reverse. My daughter is upset, because she so wanted to play soccer, and didn't expect that other people would be mean.
It's been weeks of feeling excluded and being called names by the two girls, one of whom is the coaches daughter, of being yelled at by the coaches and the other children for not knowing or understanding a game that was new to her. Yesterday, she reacted. She got angry and threw a ball. Of course the coaches immediately lashed out at her. One of the girls tried to lunge for my daughter, after she had kicked my daughter, but the coaches grabbed her... And hugged her.
I usually sit right at the practices. This time I had sat in my vehicle where I could observe unnoticed. Without realizing I was there, I couldn't hear the soft words, but I could hear the yelling. I saw my daughter, running and trying so hard to fit in and be a part, and then left alone as the kids excluded her and yelled at her. She would look to the coaches for direction, and she was ignored instead.
I was so ready to be done. One of my older daughters said to just pull her, or she would hate soccer. I'm more worried that my girl, that isn't around peer pressure and bullying (sisters don't count) on a daily basis, will lose something special.
Being bullied changes you. I know adults that are still haunted by bullying they endured. I know that being bullied leaves a person raw inside, and similar situations will bring anxiety. The argument is that children need to learn to deal with this type of thing so they can deal with it later in life.
I'm not sure that is correct. Dealing with many other types of people is one thing. Dealing with an unfair situation where bullying is not only tolerated by the coaches, but the coaches are not much better... That is not what an eight year old should endure.
Right now my husband and I plan to be a LARGE presence at every practice and game. We plan to present a united front, and if the situation escalates, pull our daughter from the team. We plan to support our daughter. We also plan to make sure our daughter knows how to respond appropriately to situations where she is treated poorly. In other words, no lashing out and no ball throwing!
We also plan to encourage her, since the coaches haven't learned the importance of building up instead of tearing down. Maybe she got cruddy coaches this year, and next year will be better. Maybe we will move on to something else. No matter what, my husband and I won't stand by and watch an eight year old girl get bullied.
I still want to pull her from the team. The protective instinct says to get my little girl out of a situation that is not good. However, I've agreed to wait it out for a bit and take it a practice and a game at a time. Despite it all, my daughter loves soccer. She is learning, but she likes playing. She may hate how her teammates and coaches treat her, but she likes the sport. It is because of that reason alone that she is still there.
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