Thankful in the Storm

It's tempting to grumble and complain.  Things have been stressful and busy.  It's one of those "What can go wrong will" months... or maybe years.  We lost a chunk of income every month.  We knew it was coming and did our best to prepare.  However, our preparations weren't enough.  As a consequence, bills are accumulating and my husband and I just aren't sure what to do.

To complicate matters, our van that was finally paid off had the transmission go out.  Is it worth it to put massive money into it when the van has such high mileage?  And yet, we know that we can't afford payments again... especially when we are already behind in bills.

Early Sunday morning my husband and I got sick.  I mean, we got REALLY sick.  I believe it was food poisoning.  Needless to say, this did not help our situation.  While we were able to keep from racking up doctor bills, my husband did miss two days of work.  Since it is the end of the year, the vacation and personal days have been used up.  This leaves us with no way to recoup the lost money.

And then there is the fact that Christmas is coming up.  How do you purchase gifts when you are looking at such extreme circumstances.  I mean, we are looking at either refinancing our home or losing it.  When bankruptcy feels like an option, and not an option we want to entertain since we are Christians and believe in honoring our debts, then buying stuff doesn't seem very important.

My husband and I have been in situations like this before.  We've dealt with years of financial challenges.  The last five years have felt like one step forward, three steps back.  Our home needs work we just can't afford.  Our tax returns have gone to catching up on bills and paying off debt.  We've fought and fought, grateful my husband has a job in a weak economy.  We've dealt with unemployment.  It took over two years to even partially recover from that mess.

And now, here we are again.  I cry out to the Lord for direction, for answers.  We believe in tithing, and try to do so faithfully.  Have we been perfect?  No, but we have been as faithful as we could, choosing to give even when it doesn't seem to make much sense according to the world.  Trust me, my mortgage company would rather I send them my tithe than give it to my church.

I am choosing to be thankful anyway.  God is with us, even if we don't have any clue how to get by this month and make it until next month.  I have my beautiful children.  I'm not going hungry.  I realize that, no matter what the consequences of this challenging time, it will pass.  It didn't come to stay, it came to pass.  My husband and I can only do what we can do, and leave the rest up to God.

I've already decided that, even if we lose everything, I'm going to give anyway.  I'm going to give if we have to lose everything.  I'm going to give if we have to move into some cramped apartment.  I'm going to give and leave the results up to God.  I'm going to give and pray and trust and give again.  I don't have all the answers.  I fight fear every day, wondering if my husband and I have been working, paying on this house, for nothing.

I have to trust that God has a good plan, a plan that I cannot see because I'm in the midst of a storm that is blinding me from His purposes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ype1xE0wzsg