These Feet Are Made For Walking

I woke up one morning recently and began my day.  I crawled out of bed, still a little groggy from the over-the-counter sleeping pills I take at night to make sure I don't have hours of restless sleep.  Those restless nights had begun about a year ago, and I didn't know if it was caffeine or something else.  Then, as I began to go downstairs, I had to move slowly due to the pain in my feet (tendinitis).  The pain comes and goes, but it is the worst in the morning, when the muscles and joints in my feet are cold.  After I begin moving, it subsides.

I know, I know... I'm getting older.  Yet, that isn't the truth behind all of my physical issues.  The truth is that I used to be an athlete.  Of course, that was years ago.  A gymnast as a kid, I abused those poor feet with the pounding of tumbling exercises, and then had played a little basketball and volleyball.  That was all years ago, when I was still in school.

After my first two children, I fell into a bit of a depression.  I gained some weight, and after a couple of years, while going through a very traumatic divorce, I lost the weight.  I also smoked... a lot.

Eventually I fell in love, married, had another child, became the step-mom to an adorable little girl, and became a stay-at-home mom.  Over the years, I would work out and walk to stay active.  My weight climbed a little, but my late twenties and early thirties showed no severe problems with my health.  Then, in my mid-thirties, I went through several life-altering trials and changes.  Challenges unlike I had ever faced before in my family arose, and I didn't handle things well.  The stress was immense, but ultimately God had a plan.  Those challenges led my husband and, eventually, me into a relationship with Christ.

That should mean smooth sailing, right?  Well, God usually has a bigger plan.  First, I discovered I was pregnant a little over a year after becoming a Christian.  Unlike when I was young, this pregnancy was more difficult on my body.  I gained weight a lot easier.  I wasn't as active as I had been in my twenties.  I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, our fifth daughter (my fourth birth), but the weight didn't come off after the baby was born as it always had before.

Then, I started undergoing physical problems.  Eventually it was diagnosed as gall-bladder attacks, but I dealt with them for a long time before I sought help.  Then, I had to eat a nearly zero fat diet for months before my insurance kicked in and would pay for the surgery.  Yet, even in those months of eating almost no fat at all to avoid the gall bladder attacks, I only lost maybe five pounds.

After my surgery, I have slowly gained.  Now, at almost 65 pounds heavier than I was just eight years ago, I realize that I can't keep going on this way.  I am at risk for so many health issues, such as diabetes and cholesterol issues.  While I plan to get to the doctor soon to have a physical and blood work done (thyroid issues run in my family), I don't want to sit still any longer.

I have been taking extra vitamins for a couple weeks.  Now that the weather is getting nicer, I need to get outside, absorb that vitamin D and get moving.  I have spent way too long being inactive.  I haven't looked at my body as a machine to train for a long time.

I have to take it easy.  I don't want to push too hard and risk injury.  And yet, I long to feel alive again.  I long to feel adrenaline course through my body the way the Holy Spirit does when I worship.  I long to feel healthy.  I'm tired of catching every cold and virus that goes around.  I am tired of being tired!  I want energy again.  I'm tired of never wanting my picture taken because I am embarrassed of how big I have gotten.  This is not me!  I feel trapped inside a body that feels foreign and heavy and bulky.  I never thought I would have an issue with weight!  I was the stick, the skinny one, for most of my childhood through my twenties.

In July I will turn 40.  While that is only 4 months away, I want to feel better and maybe even look better by then.  I want to not be brought to tears every time I try on a new outfit.  I want to not be embarrassed when I am the mother of the bride at my daughter's wedding in a year.  I want to be a role model to my children, not only for the way I love God, or for my beliefs, but for how I treat the body God gave me and how fully I live the gift of life that He blessed me with.
  
I often tell myself that, with homeschooling and ministry, I just don't have time for anything else.  Well... I am not honoring God by doing a bunch of stuff and not spending time with Him.  I am also not honoring God by abusing the shell that He has placed me in for this journey on Earth.  This is His Temple where He resides, and I have made it a broken down shack to live in.  That isn't very honoring to the Holy Spirit.  While He loves me big or small, now that I fell convicted to do something about it, to continue to be inactive and sedentary would be sin.