We lead a modest, somewhat simple life. The decision to homeschool was made after God led us there. To disobey wasn't an option. That does leave us as a family living off of a single income. My husband's income could definitely be considered to be small. We watch every penny, and sometimes have to make sacrifices. For this reason, we live without some of the things that others consider necessary.. like television or dinners out.
When we were faced with some decisions a few months ago about custody of my gorgeous step-daughter, we knew that we had to fight for what she wanted. It was a safety issue for her. She had lived in an environment that, while usually much more financially well-off than ours, had some elements that were abusive and neglectful. The time had come to try to make some changes.
We did not expect the results of a simple request to the judge. Immediately things were out of our hands. Child Services got involved due to the things my step-daughter told the judge, and things spiraled in many ways. Now, while still in the midst of this journey God has placed us on, we keep praying. We are praying that God helps heal a young teenager that has been through too much. We are praying God helps us with the financial burdens we face by paying high attorney fees and the like while still trying to maintain our home and bills. We pray that our faith doesn't weaken through the ups and downs of it all. We pray that we get guidance from God to make the decisions we need to make, even when they are heart-wrenching and difficult.
It is hard to watch the pain in the eyes of a beautiful young woman, now so scared and scarred by the events she has suffered. She has always been a part of our lives, but it was part-time. Now, she is here full-time, and there is some adjustment that has to take place... for all of us. For me, it's like having a daughter come home that has been gone for a long time. The last time this child lived with us full time, other than summers and some vacations, was when she was three. I have a peace in my heart now that she is safe in our home, but a fear that I won't be able to give her what she needs. It's kind of the same feeling I had when I brought my babies home from the hospital.
For my other children, this has caused some differing emotions. The older children, knowing the situation, are supportive. One younger child has had a lot of questions, most of which I can't answer in the way she wants. The other younger child is simply accepting. There has been only a couple instances of jealousy due to the attention my step-daughter has received, but those passed with some conversations and some extra focus on the other child.
While I look forward to an end of this situation, I know that there are many lessons God has for us in the trial. I am trying to trust in Him. This has all happened in his timing. Even when I get weary of the extra measures we have to take to comply with the court and Social Services, even when yet another bill comes in with a large dollar figure in the amount due box, even when I bristle at the intrusion into our usually low key life by all these people, I still am trusting God. Our church family, at least the ones we have felt comfortable sharing aspects of this with, have been very supportive. They tell us often that we are in their prayers, and I know they actually mean it and pray for us.
God's plans, timing, and ways are not our own. I often don't understand what He is up to, but I know that He loves us. I know that He is with us, even when everything else feels like an uphill battle. I praise Him for that!
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