In April of 2010 I was just as scattered and unfocused as I have allowed myself to become now. I forgot what God had intended for me to accomplish with homeschooling. I named my blog after the focus and direction I felt God had giving me, My Home Mission Field.
Has my mission changed? My mission is to glorify God. I feel that God called me to homeschool my children. He didn't call me to do so for my own glory. He never told me it would be easy. He never promised that we would have an easy life. He never said I wouldn't have a prodigal leave my home to make her own way and her own mistakes. Each child He blessed me with has free will.
He never guaranteed that we wouldn't struggle. Whether it be with finances, a curriculum that should be perfect, a child that comes to us in need of lots of help, challenging health issues...the struggles are a reality. I have allowed myself to be defeated by them, to be depressed by them, to be in a place where I just can't make it day by day on my own.
This is exactly where God wants me, I believe.
If I can't make it on my own, if I am weighted down by the struggles that we face, then the only place left to turn is Christ. Only He can sustain me. Only His Word can uplift me. Without acknowledging it to myself, I let myself think that I could depend on myself. It's that ole, "stand on your own two feet", "pull yourself up by your bootstraps", American mentality. But, as I've come to realize, my strength must come from Christ. My dependence on Him must be total. My trust in Him must be complete, even when I don't understand. And if there isn't a Hollywood style "happy ending", I have to believe the Scripture that says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."(Romans 8:28)
I long for Him. I long for His touch, His presence, His Word, His Spirit. It is so easy to be self-sufficient, or to believe that we have things under control. It is easy to be angry at the prodigal, even though that isn't Biblical. It is easy to be frustrated with God because our finances took yet another hit. It is easy to decide that the problems in our homeschool must be the curriculum and not the lack of focus in the mom or the fact that our current situation may mean putting things off for awhile and doing something different. It is easy to see the child in need of help, that is now our responsibility, and hope that therapy will "fix" things.
My Home Mission Field is a training ground. While I believed it was a training ground solely for me to serve and train my children, I am actually receiving more training than even my children at this point. Maybe I am being trained so that I may impart what God shows me to my children. Maybe I am being trained so that I may impart what God shows me to the world. Maybe my training is only the first step in the plans God has for me and for my family.
Ten years from now I hope to still be homeschooling. But Megan will be 14 at that point. Laura will be 21. Will she be in the mission field? Will she be in college? My other girls in ten years could be married and having children of their own. In ten years, my oldest will be 30. Will she be following the plans Christ has for her? Will my other daughters? Will my mission here at home, to raise my daughters to serve Christ, have brought glory to Him or to me? I don't want the glory. I just want to be obedient to my King. I want Him to have the glory. That is the true mission.
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