Stumbling over the Unexpected

Laura eats an ice cream treat.

This week was supposed to be our week off.  The plan was six weeks on, then one week off.  However, I decided to do an easy, relaxed week instead.  Laura and Megan did some basics, but mostly we just read a lot.  Having nothing to do seemed like a bad idea... especially for me.  Relaxing with a lighter schedule seemed to be a better plan.

This school year has brought about some unexpected changes in our family.  My stress level has been high, and I am praying for God to help me deal with the unexpected and the stress in positive ways.  It began in June when my husband and I decided to take legal action to prevent his daughter (my step-daughter) from being moved out of the area.  That spiraled into a mess that, one day, I am hoping God will lead me to share.  Needless to say, my step-daughter moved in with us.  She is 14 and has had to deal with a lot in her life.  She desperately wants to be homeschooled, but that is on hold for now.  Her struggles aren't over, and we face weekly challenges dealing with her situation.

Then, two weeks after my step-daughter moved in, my barely turned 18 year old daughter moved out.  It was sudden, as she hadn't shared her plans with us.  We had assumed (because she led us to think this) she would live at home to go to college.  She had other plans, but didn't share, either because she didn't want to add to everything on our minds, or because she didn't want us to try to talk her out of her plans.  I was devastated.  Yes, she may be legally an adult, but it was hard to see her leave home just days after her 18th birthday. 

We had already been through the whole child leaving home thing with my oldest earlier this year.  She ended up moving back home after a couple months.  Then, she nearly died due to complications with the summer heat, dehydration, and her type 1 diabetes.  Since then, she has had many struggles with the heat, with her digestion, and with her illness.

All of this has gone on in just seven short months.  Throw in homeschooling, church activities, ministry, and daily living, and it is easy to see why a relaxing week homeschooling is not only nice, but needed.  I've dealt with stress before, but this was to a degree that made living hard.  I've never dealt with so much at once.  I couldn't blog.  I could barely even focus.  This was literally the first time that I found it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.  Depression?  Anxiety?  Yes, at least a little.

I have this wonderful curriculum that I spent a large sum of money to buy for my daughters, and I couldn't do it.  It was hit and miss.  My youngest missed the most because it is easier to put off the preschool stuff than the stuff for the 6th grader.  However, even that isn't working for us.  It takes my daughter hours to get the work done.  It began to feel like busy work instead of skill building or real learning.  She doesn't seem to be enjoying the program like she did last year.  That normally wouldn't faze me because learning has to go on and she isn't going to like everything.  When I found myself stressed out, trying to check off the boxes of work every day, watching my 11 year old stress out, I realized that this is NOT how I want homeschooling to be.  Yes, there will be times when things are challenging, but learning should not bring tears to us both.  If it isn't working, then I need to figure something out.

So, despite the expense, I am temporarily setting the curriculum aside.  We may come back to it in a few weeks or even a few months.  Right now, I am going back to the basics with my 6th grader.  I won't watch the love of learning drain out of my daughter.  That is not what Charlotte Mason recommended.  I also need to catch my breath myself and refocus on what God wants me to do and the direction He has for my home mission field.  My confidence in my home mission has gotten a little shaken with the events of the last several months.

The unexpected this year has completely thrown me off balance.  I see that more changes are coming, and I am doing my best to steady my trembling nerves, my shaky resolve, and my faltering finances, and trust the Lord.  He is my strength.  This year He has been the only steady thing to cling to as it feels as if my world is changing faster than my mind and heart can adjust.