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To be honest, it has been split for a few years.
I re-enrolled in college after 25 years because I had always dreamed of going back. When I did, I was determined not to waste the opportunity. After all, a dream held in my heart for a quarter of a century is one that is special. But, as in everything, counting the cost must happen.
At first I was a full-time student. But that was dropped to part-time quickly when my older daughter faced significant health issues. I knew I couldn’t maintain the full-time pace when, at one point, I was trying to do a project with another student over Google Hangouts on my cellphone while sitting in my daughter’s ICU room. That was not the time to be worried about a project, but my work ethic wouldn’t let me drop classes or watch my grade suffer.
My part-time status helped, but there were still areas that suffered in my life. My time with the Lord went down significantly. My faith took a real battering due to several factors, and it took way too long to get it back to a place of growth with many extra responsibilities.
My youngest daughter became my only student a few months into my college enrollment. She is a smart little thing. She reads well and voraciously. Because of this, I found myself giving her more and more independent work over the materials that required me to be more mentally present. I veered into more delight-directed work because she could do so much learning without me. I used more computer learning. And she would read everything I put in front of her.
None of this is bad or wrong. We are blessed to live in an age where there are so many options for homeschooling families.
A few months ago I began to feel a conviction about having let so much become independent. I was handing my daughter materials but had no clue about what she really got out of them. I felt disconnected from her. With my older homeschooled children, we had done a lot together. Two of the older girls had spent a lot of time studying the same material with each other and had been able to help each other and discuss different things. My younger child, being seven years younger than her nearest sibling, didn’t have that same benefit.
The first thing God showed me was that my youngest shouldn’t be studying the Bible as a Lone Ranger. While a personal Bible study time was good, one of the benefits of homeschooling had always been being able to share in the process of studying God’s Word with my children. The discussions that happened around the dining room table each morning during Bible time were priceless. We could talk about difficult points and tough issues. So often we learned together. My youngest was missing that.
So, I brought that back.
Then, in March 2020, COVID-19 hit. My class work for college didn’t change as I was an online student, but as activities were cancelled, I began to take notice of my daughter’s learning. I noticed some weak areas that needed more attention.
With libraries closed, the delight-directed learning became a bit of a problem. We could no longer go and check out fifteen or twenty books on a subject of interest. I also noticed that my daughter wasn’t as enthusiastic about diving into studies of her own interests as she had been. Perhaps it was a little too much freedom and not enough structure.
Summer came and everything that we had always done in the summer was essentially cancelled. Plans for a summer internship for my final college class stopped. Even as fall approaches the chances of finding an internship in my field at this time are still nearly zero.
I have been praying about it all. My daughter’s usual summer theater group went to virtual only, and she seemed less than thrilled. Part of the joy of theater for her is meeting with other students and putting all their efforts into a production. It’s very hands-on and high energy. She just wasn’t into what felt like more computer learning.
That didn’t stop her from being on the computer, however. It only took a couple weeks of way too many hours wasted away on YouTube and online games before I knew I had to make a change.
We had slowly been making our way back to Heart of Dakota as our primary learning. Ironically, the structure and routine seemed to help my daughter. I think a part of her was stressed trying to constantly find a new area of interest. She had spent a couple years digging into horses, weather, volcanos, and Harriet Tubman. She was ready for more structured learning. In her words, “not everything I like needs to be a subject, Mom. I don’t always want to become an expert in every area I enjoy, just some of them.”
A couple weeks ago we decided to do school for the summer. There is no pressure to do school daily or to even do a full day. We do half a day. If something comes up she would rather do, like visit a local splash pad with friends, she does that instead. But for the hours at home that had her absorbed in screens, we mix in some school work.
And I decided that I don’t want her completely independent. She may have the ability, but I want to be one of the voices guiding her at this time in her life. That means we do more learning together.
Today she learned about diagramming sentences with me. The program I was using didn’t teach diagramming. It’s not necessary. But as she sat by me on the couch, diagraming sentences on a white board with me, it became fun. It was almost like a game.
While it is still a balancing act with a baby at my home through the week, I feel a renewed purpose in homeschooling. Instead of two solo learners, I feel like I am involved again in my daughter’s education and her life.
I missed it.
My internship will probably come eventually when COVID-19 becomes less of a threat. By working part-time through the summer, I no longer fear that my daughter will have to be a Lone Ranger in her own education to fulfill state requirements.
I don’t regret the last couple of years trying to do it all. This time in my life has shown me that a child can get a great education through homeschooling even if the circumstances of life throw curveballs. Many parents work and homeschool. Others have babies that disrupt their days as they try to teach. For me, I don’t want to have my attention spread that thin. (I could just be old now.)
I also don’t want to miss the moments with my daughter that being hands-on in her education gives me. I don’t want to miss the talks, the prayers together, the light-bulb moments.
There are so many influences in the world that want to infiltrate my daughter’s thoughts and heart. So much slips by me when I am not paying close enough attention. Even “safe” YouTube videos are not necessarily safe. And sometimes even the “Christian” friends aren’t truly following Jesus. And so, it has become important to me to put in front of my girl as many Godly, positive influences as I can. And, by her side, discussing what we are learning, I plan to stay. I honestly feel it is even more important now than when she was little.
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