I have struggled for a long time in planning school for my youngest. I have been homeschooling for a long time, and I know the methods and and theories surrounding education and homeschooling. Being in college the last few years, I have leaned heavily upon independent study for my youngest... my last chick in the nest. I needed her to work independently as much as possible if I was to get my own schoolwork completed.
This entire school year has been a battle, but not the battle that I usually face. My daughter does well with her independence. She comes to me when she needs help. She still struggles with focus issues, but I’m still beside her all day to help her stay on track if necessary.
The battle for me has been that nothing has settled peacefully in my heart. And so I have this compulsion to plan and replan and replan again and again. My daughter has gone along with it, accepting the changes with ease as I switch up the English or tweak the reading. But still... no peace has settled in my heart.
I’ve looked to other homeschool moms for answers. I have been reading homeschool books and trying to find what it is that is missing in me... the key that is keeping me from knowing I’m in God’s will. Am I overthinking it? Is it curriculum envy? Am I, perhaps, burnt-out with college, homeschool, and new responsibilities?
I have seriously rescheduled my daughter’s school year at least six times. I’m not talking about a subject or two, but the ENTIRE school year. I have gone through planners and notebooks and pens and pencils. I’ll be halfway through what I think I want and suddenly, it will all feel wrong. No peace...
Then, this evening the revelation began in my spirit. In Wednesday evening church we were discussing the presence of God. It has been our study for the last few months. We were talking about obedience and how, when we are obedient, God’s presence is with us. We were discussing how the first thing we push off in busy times is our time with God. I commented how easy that was to do, because I put off doing Bible WITH my daughter and she just does it mostly on her own.
One of the core reasons I homeschool is to give my children a foundation in the Word. In my striving to create an independent learner, I suddenly realized I had abandoned the heart of my child. I have seen her relationship with the Lord begin to cool, and I realized it was because she had begun to treat the Bible as just another subject.
When I came home from church, I was listening to Brave Learner by Julie Bogart on Audible. She said that we should come alongside our children in their interest, taking an interest in their passions. How will she ever be passionate about the Lord if the study of the Word of God is just another subject, and one she must do alone?
I’m not against independent learning. I think it is vital in so many ways because children that know how to learn have a distinct advantage in life. However, I knew that the guiding of my daughter’s heart and the study of the Word of God is not where I want her to be an island alone.
And so now I’m smiling, full of peace, knowing God will follow in the rest of His plan soon. He took a weight off my shoulders, guiding me to once again take up the reigns I had let hand loosely. I had started my day with Math, my daughter’s worst subject. Now, it will begin with Bible... a practice I used to follow closely with my older children.
No comments:
Post a Comment