It is in our nature to want to measure and evaluate, to have definite standards where we can line up growth and achievements on a chart or a scale, that we can then show the world or know exactly where we are succeeding or where others are lacking. Babies are often evaluated by growth charts and given the percentile of their growth compared to other children their age. They are also measured by when they achieve certain skills, such as when they roll over or crawl or walk.
In school, the same type of mentality exists. The average first-grader should meet standards chosen by “experts” or they are considered learning disabled. Often these experts will set standards that have nothing to do with what science and psychology says about child development. Earlier and earlier children are pushed and asked to do more and more in ways that unnatural for them.
For years I have been pushed and pulled in one direction and then another. What is best? I want my children to academically excel, but I also want them to grow at their own pace. I have homeschooled now for well over a decade and graduated three students. In those three children, I had some very unique learners. None of them were exactly the same. They didn’t learn the same way or have the same interests or personalities. They didn’t excel in the same areas. They each struggled in areas that came easy for others and soared in areas that others found challenging.
One thing all of my three graduates did have in common was they spent some time in public school. All three had been exposed to the “school mentality.” They had been measured by those standards the experts chose. Those standards changed multiple times through the years. New testing was introduced, new benchmarks of achievement. Each child, whether it was for three years or ten years, suffered in some way in the comparison-based, over-tested mentality of the public schools. Even those that did well still felt the sting of a teacher that favored certain students and a system that, much like society, tended to focus on the squeaky wheels more than the quiet workers.
Each child, when they came home to be homeschooled, battled that mentality that had so pervaded their thinking. As a homeschool mom that was public schooled, I also fight that mentality. It’s ingrained in the culture to think that testing and grades are the best way to measure success in a child. Even though academic success does not predict career success, we have been led to believe that it does.
Dr. Adam Grant stated the following in “What Straight-A Students Get Wrong”:
“Academic grades rarely assess qualities like creativity, leadership and teamwork skills, or social, emotional and political intelligence. Yes, straight-A students master cramming information and regurgitating it on exams. But career success is rarely about finding the right solution to a problem — it’s more about finding the right problem to solve.”
My youngest child never went to school. She should be immune to the same way of thinking. She isn’t. She isn’t because it pervades culture. It’s on every television show and game and YouTube video. She isn’t immune because her mom, her main teacher, has battled so many fears that she is failing her child when her child struggles in an area due to her own pressures from public schooling. My youngest child should be free, but she still gets grilled by strangers occasionally if she is outside during “school time.” She still deals with others that believe a child that is homeschooled is inferior in some way because she isn’t in the school environment or being tested into oblivion to see how she measures up to those arbitrary standards set by the “experts.”
It shouldn’t be easy to overlook her strengths, which are many, and see only the areas that haven’t clicked yet. Those standards race through my head, and I see where she hasn’t met them... not where she has exceeded them. And the truth is, the standards are arbitrary and she has more than conquered some of them. So what?
I shouldn’t be asking, “Am I failing her in this area?” I should be asking, “Does she love to learn?” “Is she curious?” “Does she have passions where she loves to dig deep?” “Does she love Jesus?” “ Is she kind?” “Has the light gone out of her eyes about learning?”
Often, too many of us, including me at times, will trade the positives just so we can fall back on human nature and our public schooled-mentality and measure everything. I have had to ask myself, “Will I trade the light going out of my daughter’s eyes for me showing she has met standards I don’t even believe are healthy?”
It would be stupid to say yes, and yet so many of us don’t even realize this is what we have done.
I had a conversation with another homeschool mom recently. She was stressed about the areas where her children were struggling and trying to complete all of a curriculum. In truth, she was afraid she was failing her children. I wanted to hug her and tell her that I have done the same thing a million times, that I still fight the compulsion to do the same. I wanted to tell her that curriculum is simply a tool. She was afraid her kids would miss something vital if she skipped anything and she would regret it later.
I have learned that it is impossible to learn everything you need to know before graduation. It is more important to know how to learn what you need when you need to learn it. It is more important to love learning and be a life-long learner, not just someone with a head full of stuff.
To be honest, I don’t remember most of what I learned in school. But, I’m a reader and a researcher. If I want to know something, I can usually figure it out. When I decided to research autoimmune diseases, I spent two years reading everything I could. When I wanted to take my photography more seriously, I found free online courses, books, and played with my camera until I understood more. When I needed to learn things for college that I had forgotten or never learned in the years since high school, I did what I needed and learned the necessary skills. This is how we naturally learn.
And so, to my struggling homeschool moms... and to myself... I say, “Relax.” Have some fun with your children. Laugh. Go on adventures. Read together. Pray together. Break the tough stuff up... or put it off a bit until young minds have matured enough to grasp the concepts. Be balanced in your thinking. Remember your child’s strengths, not just the areas of struggles. Be creative. And most of all, know that God is still in control. He knows the plan He has for your child.
No comments:
Post a Comment