Homeschooling from a rural area can be tough. There's no homeschooling conference close by where you can browse and look at the materials. There's no store that supplies anything. There used to be a Christian bookstore that carried some used items, but it closed over a year ago.
Now, when I want to look at materials, I am left with the free samples on websites. Many distributors have become very excellent at giving a good sampling of their materials so that those of us that are looking can see without making costly mistakes... most of the time.
It still happens, though. I have a crate of materials to prove it.
I've accepted that curriculum mistakes happen. Sometimes you just outgrow something. Sometimes your philosophy on education changes, as mine has since I began teaching my children. Sometimes you discover that the expensive curriculum you've been using doesn't line up with your foundational, Biblical beliefs. I've had that happen too, and seen it happen over and over. It's a tough pill to swallow when your entire budget for you schooling nearly implodes and you are left reworking everything and making the best of things until the next school year.
God has been faithful, though, to see us through, and teach me the vital lessons I have needed to learn. I have learned what works for us, and a lot of what doesn't. I have learned that it is okay to budget and plan and spend money on a curriculum that may seem pricey but lines up with your values and is a quality program. I've learned that it may save a bit of money to come up with things yourself or to use the library, but it can create a lot of work and stress. I have learned that, in my inexperience, I don't want to try to do it all myself and then feel like I am not doing enough or have my daughter overloaded. I have learned that God's Word should flow through our whole day, not just be a separate subject we plug in between science and grammar.
Our finances don't allow for too many costly mistakes. I have been left with stuff that isn't working or that I don't like, but felt I couldn't try something else because I just didn't have the finances. It has taken three years of experimenting and learning to find what we are using right now. Yet, I am content because that journey, with all the costly mistakes, has left me with some knowledge for the future.
The amazing thing is that, despite all these mistakes, my daughters are learning. My senior is working on her graduation requirements. My preschooler is loving her new program.
The wonder for me is my ten year old. For nearly three school years we have been homeschooling. Nearly all of my costly mistakes have been with materials for her. I have switched curriculum so many times that it is a wonder she learned anything. We've switched methods. We've tried unit studies and Charlotte Mason and traditional. I've let my fears guide me into doing "school at home" and overloading my daughter down with too much stuff. I've compared her work to that of the public schooled students, wondering if I was measuring up. Yet still my daughter learned. She learned and grew and matured. She still tested at or above grade level. My mistakes didn't permanently damage her.
It is easy to beat ourselves up when we make mistakes, especially when they hurt already strained and meager finances. Even when we learn a lot of lessons, those mistakes sometimes feel unrepairable. Yet, I have been blessed that, with each mistake so far, God has me in the palm of his hand. I have learned to pray before larger commitments and purchases. I have learned that homeschooling is a priority in our home, and I have to budget for it just like a bill. If I don't, when it comes time to purchase materials, the money won't be there and I will be stressed and floundering. Then, either I put my family in a jam and buy anyway, or I try to make something work that I don't really like but is cheaper. Either way, there are consequences.
The sad thing is that I thought I was the only one to make these mistakes. Maybe they are "rookie" mistakes to some degree. On the other hand, sometimes things just change and the stuff you spent money on becomes totally worthless in your home. Either way, I have seen that it happens often, and probably to everyone at one point or another. For me, it happened a lot. I accept the responsibility of that. I have had to forgive myself for mistakes, chalk it up to massive lessons learned, pray for God to forgive me, and move on. God has a plan, and He will guide and direct your homeschool. What works for one person won't work for another.
Curriculum is a tool, not an absolute. That took me awhile to understand too. I kept looking for that one perfect thing.
My family is about to have to take another financial hit as a part of our income is not going to be coming in anymore. Once again we have to adjust. Expensive homeschooling mistakes just aren't an option right now. However, I am praying for God to guide us and hold us. I am praying that through the storms of this life we find shelter in Him. After all, if God led us to homeschooling, I have to trust that He'll provide a way where at times there is no way.
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