Is this defeating my decision toward minimalism
No. We are getting rid of our old bed. The one in, one out principle is applying. And my insomnia demands a bed that doesn't have springs sticking out.
My venture into minimalism is slow going. For one, I don't have any ambitions to limit my things to any certain number. Second, starting college while homeschooling has taken up much more time than I anticipated.
But I am determined. Simple living, minimalism, whatever you call it, my goal is to limit stress. My college load has been overwhelming with my other responsibilities. I am considering dropping down to part time. My children's education and my health are more important than graduating by a certain date. I want to enjoy learning and the college experience, not drown in all of the responsibilities between teaching and learning and my home.
And so, I adjust. As with everything, life is about choices. Choosing to cut my schedule to part-time is okay. If it takes me eight years to get a bachelor's degree, I will still have accomplished it. And truthfully, after next year, I'll be down to one student. She'll be heading into sixth grade by that point. More changes, more letting go, and life moves on.
On a Christian Facebook minimalist group I am in, a man talked about how frustrated he was that more Christians aren't minimalists. I understand his frustration. Once you get out of the mindset of acquiring stuff, once you see the many places where Scripture backs up living with less, you don't understand how you missed it for so long.
I missed it cause I didn't want to see. And I know most don't want to see. Now, I can't unsee.
A couple weeks ago I went to the mall. I had no desire to purchase anything except a purse. I always like the purses. I struggle to find the "perfect" one. But I restrained myself. I don't NEED a purse.
I have the homeschool supplies for next year. I haven't had the time to plan yet. I keep praying about a couple areas where God is taking me. My college has gotten in the way of a lot of things, and it isn't okay. Not doing Bible with my children, skipping it because I am so overwhelmed with my own work, has left me feeling like a failure. Missing my own Bible time and time with the Lord is getting to me. Spending 7 or more hours a day, five to six days a week, solely focused on school, is getting to me. AND I LOVE LEARNING! When the advisor told me it would take forty hours a week, I guess I didn't believe her. And the first few weeks, it didn't take that long. Now, I feel overwhelmed.
So, how can minimalism help me in this situation? First, I need my God time. Second, I need to make the time for my children in the midst of college coursework. Third, I need to reduce my stress. I need to make things as simple as I can.
Next week is Spring Break. I plan to take some time to enjoy my children. I plan to plan some schooling for the rest of this year. I plan to visit family. I have a few projects I need to work on, but I don't plan to spend more than a couple hours on them. My mind needs a rest. My body needs some healthy food. I need some relaxation and Jesus time.
Can I find a simple life after everything has overwhelmed me? Some nights, migraine brewing, all I want to do is beg in front of the TV, mindlessly absorbing Hawaii 50 while playing Candy Crush. This is not the life I want. I want to enjoy my family. I want to read more than a chapter in the Little House series to my nine year old, after popping Excedrin to ease the headache.
I longed to go back to college. And a few of my classes are fascinating. I love them. Other ones, not so much. I take things one day at a time, praying for God to guide me and calm my frazzled nerves. I dreamed of going back to college, but not of feeling like my dream has taken over my life. I have more dreams, more opportunities I want to conquer.
For instance, after I get my degree as a Library Technical Assistant, I want to transfer to a four-year Christian school and study theology. Will I need it in a library? Maybe. God never wastes education. It is possible that God will call me to something bigger. I'm in His hands. Until then, I take life day by day.
Tomorrow, my new bed arrives. Saturday might just be the day to enjoy sleeping late.
No comments:
Post a Comment