I have had a rough new year. I have been fighting illness all new year, leaving me with a cough and sinus issues. This has been going on literally since January 1st. Then, I began college classes. I am currently sharing a computer between me and my two homeschooling daughters. This is causing some stressful issues as we all have at least some coursework online.
I have been looking at ways to help my nine year old be more independent. My high schooler has no problem with this, and we only do one class together. The nine year old, however, is ADD . She is constantly moving and talking and needs to be constantly monitored to keep her focused on her school work.
I have not handled this well.
In fact, I'm beyond frustrated, as I try to balance it all and still have time to do laundry and prepare meals. My stress level has risen dramatically. This isn't fair to me or my daughter.
And so, I am left with some decisions. I purchased a delight-directed journal from Thinking Tree a company that specializes in learning games for dyslexic and ADHD children.
I'll be honest, it's slow going.
She enjoys the art. But I have had a difficult time simply letting her follow her passions. And so, I have tried to blend one curriculum in and it isn't working.
I love the idea of my daughter learning about things that interest her. I love the idea, because I have seen that following my own interests has led to a depth of learning that goes beyond what I have ever learned in structured classes. Developing lifelong learning habits is important to me.
My daughter, like me, will dive into areas that interest her. She finds joy in learning about her interests. She loves animals and earth science and literature. She loves audiobooks and listening to me read. I don't think it will be a year with no growth. In fact, she might just take off in learning.
It is difficult for me, however, because I like having a plan. It's difficult to trust that she will learn about a broad range of subjects. I am looking for a year of exploring her interests, but also having math and reading and language arts in a curriculum that will keep her growing in these areas. I want to have her learning the Bible. These areas are areas where I want line upon line, precept upon precept learning.
I bought the journal as a trial, before buying more. But then I began reading the creator's book, Windows to Our World
Windows to Our World. I was struck by the author's, Sarah Janisse Brown, description of her experience being homeschooled. Her parents allowed her a lot of freedom in her learning. Except for math, her curriculum seemed informal. She followed her interests. She describes the freedom of learning in this way, the desire to learn more and more. Compared to holding a grudging feeling of duty about school, she began to love her studies. 
Oh, how I want this for my daughter. And yet, the fear of her missing something important is still there.
Somehow, I keep thinking, surely ADHD is a gift. What is it doing to her when I am impatient and critical?. Will she think that she is inferior in some way because I lose patience and yell at her to, "Focus!" I want her to love learning, and yet she is showing signs of hating it. She stalls. She grumbles. Yes, there are things she must learn. But shouldn't they be balanced with digging into interests?
These are all questions I have asked myself. Homeschooling my ADHD child is very different from homeschooling any of my other children. The daughter that graduated last year, also diagnosed with ADHD, had spent years in public school. She despised learning. She would dutifully do the assignments. She appreciated the fact that I was able to tailor them so they fit her learning styles, but she never was passionate about any of it. She tolerated it. Now, as an adult, she works hard. She has no desire to go to college. She doesn't read for fun. She loves the Lord, so I can't complain. But a part of me wonders what would have happened if I had let her follow her interests instead of followed a plan similar to the public school.
And so, I must make some decisions. I am praying and stepping one toe at a time into the water of delight-directed learning. I will take this day by day and see where God leads. He could totally lead me back to where I have been. Or, He could open up new worlds.
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