I have learned that I have to like who God created me to be. The things I do and like and believe have changed over the years. My personality traits and quirks have been toned down here and there by the leading of the Holy Spirit.
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| My Sis and my Meggy |
Earlier this evening my youngest daughter and baby sister got to act and sing together in the musical, Oklahoma. It was the final night, and the entire cast was fantastic. My sister is amazingly talented. My youngest already loves the stage.
My oldest daughter is also a lover of the stage. She was in theater for years and sings worship on stage nearly every Sunday.
My next three daughters love singing, but didn't like acting all that much. Singing is a love most in my family share, but being in the limelight is not everyone's cup of tea... And that's perfectly fine. I hope all of my daughters know that who they are, who God made them, is beautiful and precious, whether they are singing on a stage or teaching teens about Jesus or working with an autistic boy or has a heart and plans to help abused children or loves writing stories. God did not make us all the same. He equipped each of us with different talents and gifts.
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| My Daughters |
I can say this wholeheartedly about my own children or my sisters, but I struggle believing it about myself sometimes. I don't think very many people have told me that who I am is is special and good.
I sometimes think, "Why don't I enjoy singing and acting on a stage like my sister and daughters? I'm not overly shy. I like singing. I don't think I'm horrible at it. It looks like fun. Why am I different?"
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I wonder what it would be like to be told by others how they enjoyed something that I worked hard on and accomplished. I'm sure that, if things in the past had been different, I could have been different. But I was the girl that moved a lot and had trouble making friends. I was the loner that found friends in books when I was so lonely at yet another new school where very few would talk to me. I was the awkward girl with the frizzy curls and glasses and unstylish clothes.
I wonder sometimes "What if..."
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| My husband and me on our Anniversary last year. |
And I realize that I wouldn't trade a thing. I am not shy because I had to meet many different people growing up. I am not intimidated meeting people from different backgrounds or education levels. Moving like a gypsy, going to four high schools in four years made making friends difficult, but it helped me to be me. I can homeschool with confidence because I know that friends are nice, but peer dependency often isn't. I want my daughters to be who God made them, not who they think will help them fit in or be popular.
God gave me an inquisitive mind that loves to read and research. He allowed me to move often to give me a love of different people and places.
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| Me and four of my girls |
The Butterfly Effect says to change one thing would change everything. While there were things I didn't think I would survive while in the midst of them, when I see each of my very special daughters or my amazing husband, I would change nothing.
It took me awhile to get my heart right with God. I'm still a work in progress in many areas. I think He sees each of His children the way I see mine. I think He sees their gifts and talents as wonderful, whether they are on a stage representing Him or serving Him in a way that doesn't bring the applause.
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| My husband with our youngest |
I was very proud of my youngest tonight, and I told her so. She had worked hard and it showed. I wondered at that moment if I had conveyed to the others how proud of them I am, whether their gifts take them to a stage or not. My intention is for them to know, and I believe in living intentionally.
At the same moment I wondered if I had let my daughters feel my love and joy for who they are, God showed me that He feels the same about me. He created me, through the innate traits He placed inside me, to the environments He allowed me to be in to mold and sculpt me, to the moment His Spirit led me into a relationship with Him and I was reborn. I am still me, but now those things that are me, He wants to use for Him.
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| Me |
I love that my sister gets to have a piece of her dream. For awhile I felt as if God had taken away my dreams. But I feel as if He is placing new dreams in my heart. I probably won't ever be on stage, singing under the lights, hearing the applause. That's okay. I'll cheer on those that love it and bring me joy watching them, with the knowledge that God's plans for me may not be the same, but they aren't less.
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