Flipping through the channels, I came across a tv show I used to watch. I used to watch this show ritualistically. A few months after I became a Christian, I felt The Lord leading me away from watching this show or others like it. It was difficult for me because I had watched this show since I was a child. The blatant sex and violence on the show were not in keeping with Scripture. And, before anyone asks why I was watching this show as a child, this was a daytime show my mother watched.
I paused for a bit. I must be honest, the lure was there. It has been years since I had seen the show, but I remembered a few of the older characters. In my frustrated, exhausted, and vulnerable state, I sat there, watching for a few moments. I waited for conviction. I waited to be repulsed. Sadly, I felt neither. The sensitivity to the Holy Spirit was gone. For that reason alone I was stunned.
For me, it was an old tv soap opera. At times, it's the pull of my old reading material calling to me; those steamy romances that used to fill my heart. For others it is that music that brings back so many memories. It may be more serious: alcohol, drugs, porn, an affair you once had...
A few weeks ago, at Acquire the Fire, Ron Luce gave an incredible sermon about inequity. The definition ran through my mind as I waited to feel conviction.
Iniquity: the twisted desires inside you.
We all have them. Those twisted desires may get replaced by Christ, but we must choose to put Him in that place. We can't choose once and think the battle is forever one. Satan doesn't pack up and leave us alone once we accept Christ. Accepting Christ is only the beginning of the battle.
A bad day or days, a season of life where the challenges are overwhelming, being overwrought emotionally or even physically; Satan is waiting.
The Bible states that he prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).
Lions attack the weak. Satan laughs when we are vulnerable. He tempts us when we are distracted, when our attention is off of Christ and focused on the trials, the struggles, the problems.
Therefore, with minds that alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 1 Peter 1:13-14
Christ bought me with a price. To trade Him for former sins because life is difficult at the moment... What a tragedy. Temptation is temptation. I've come to realize that the only draw of my former vices is the rebellion in my heart toward The Lord.
There comes times, moments, in the life of a Christian where we must decide what we are going to stand for in our own hearts, minds, and lives. I used to think it was a single decision that, once made, would leave those former temptations defeated. And there are times when God miraculously delivers! But, often, our growth comes in laying down those twisted desires in our hearts, casting down the thoughts that we've allowed into our minds, and allowing ourselves to be refilled and refreshed by the Holy Spirit.
My thirteen year old daughter is angry at me. She is sick, but before she got sick she was upset. My husband and I have to make some very tough choices. My daughter doesn't like the decisions. She wants things to stay the same. I cried, deeply, at the fear in my little girl at the changes that are coming in our lives. Her world has been relatively stable, and because of financial struggles in a tough economy, her stability is shaken.
From this I let frustration and anger surface. I let rebellion and, yes, iniquity rise up inside me. God's plan doesn't seem clear at the moment. I'm scared a bit myself. I just want things to be stable, for my family and for me. But my safety, my stability can't come from my circumstances, but from a Lord that never changes.
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