Our area woke up yesterday morning to the news of the death of an eleven year old boy. I can't get over that. He was eleven. He didn't have an incurable disease. There wasn't a car accident. He committed suicide... at 11YEARS OLD! Why? Allegedly, he was bullied.
This is a topic, in the minds of most, that happens in other areas to other children... strangers. This boy was a stranger to me, but his death reaffirmed in my heart that something is tragically wrong in our schools... OUR schools, not the one in the big city or the next state over.
A friend wrote months ago about the Rising epidemic of bullying on her blog. Bullying was one of the main factors in her decision to pull her child out of public school and homeschool her.
I dealt with bullying as a child. I moved a lot, switching schools often. The bullying I dealt with usually was rough on me, being the new kid, but it was rarely dangerous. It was more verbal, with some exclusionary measures thrown in.
My oldest daughter was a "bully magnet". I used to say that if there was a bully within a ten mile radius, they would find my daughter and beat her up. Sadly, it wasn't funny. It was horrific. I spent a lot of time fighting with the schools. In one instant they would tell me that it wasn't their business. In the next instant they would tell me they had control of my child from the time she left my door until she reentered it. The bullies were never disciplined. It was never witnessed, even if my daughter was on a playground surrounded by teachers and students.
Eventually my daughter broke... and fought back. Fight or flight, she made a choice. Flight had never helped her before, so she fought. She received a Saturday school for fighting, but she stopped the bully from hurting her. The fix was temporary though. It was only one bully and one situation. There were others.
I wish I would have known then what I know now about homeschooling. Because of the tragic death of this young boy, many parents and students have come forward with similar stories. So many people are upset with the school, upset with the situations there. Like me, it feels personal. Like me, many hear of this boy's tragic death and know that it could have been our child.
And yet, I wonder why parents tolerate it. It isn't like there aren't other options out there. If a parent is determined enough, a lot of other options are available. For those with the money, there are private schools. It's a bit of a drive, but it is doable. For some, homeschooling is an answer. There are so many wonderful programs out there that there is something for every family. Some are free, though I don't like them because they are strictly secular.
My point is that there are options. If the school is an environment where you don't want your child, then take them out of it. Education is compulsory, not public school. I honestly feel that some times parents think they are stuck in a situation that they don't need to be stuck in. The best programs in the world offered at a school have little meaning if the child is being bullied and is living in fear.
Some situations have to be worked through. My husband and I can't homeschool his daughter right now. This is a legal issue for us, and sometimes that happens. We can, however, be involved in her education. We can do whatever we need to do to insure that she is not in a situation where she is bullied. We take her to school. We pick her up often at the end of her school day. If she has an issue at school, we deal with it immediately. We've been lucky with her in that we haven't had bullying as an issue.
My reasons for homeschooling my children don't have anything to do with bullying. I felt called by God to train my children with a Christian worldview. Keeping them out of the public school had more to do with keeping out of that environment, which is humanistic and very anti-Christian. However, the fact that my younger children don't deal with bullies at school is a great benefit. It doesn't insulate them from bullies everywhere though. We've run into bullies in other places. It has often required parents stepping in and doing our best to deal with the situation, or removing our child from the situation.
For us, there have been times when we have had to keep a child home instead of going to a place where we know a bully is going to be. Going to the parents of the bully, in my experience, doesn't usually work. You should still go to the other parent. It is important that the parent of the bully know what their child is doing. However, don't expect that the parent will take control of the child or the situation. My experience is that the parent usually denies there is a problem, not wanting to see that their child is misbehaving. Sadly, the behavior then continues or gets worse. I'm sure the schools have dealt with this problem too. Sometimes a parent will hear of a problem and will deal properly with the behavior issues. That is wonderful when it happens, but it is not common in my experience.
I pray for the grieving family and friends of that eleven year old little boy. There is a lot of blame going around and not a lot of easy answers. The direction God led us on I truly think is a wonderful choice. I try not to come across as pushy about homeschooling. I think it is wonderful and truly great for families, but so many others get angry. Many get offended, as if by homeschooling I am attacking the public schools. When I bring up homeschooling, even while in church, I always get some defensive comments. ALWAYS!
I pray that God sheds His light, because so many have it so ingrained in their thinking and hearts that there is only one way to do things. School is one of those areas. People will tolerate the substandard educations, labeling of kids, and bullying. They not only tolerate it, but think it is normal. Sadly, it has taken the loss of a young child for some of them to see that things aren't working. Even then, most will keep their eyes closed. The death will be mourned. Time will erase the shock and frustration to a numb acceptance.... until the next tragedy.
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